Yes. I know that today is February 1st. And yes, I know that February 1st is Ruki’s birthday. And no, I am not doing any birfday episodes for him. Those things... well, they never work out. So anyway. Back to the whole weekend-at-Gackt’s bit. Woohoo!

It’s 12 in the afternoon - rather early to be waking up, true. But regardless! All the tards sleeping around Gackt’s living room are beginning to awaken. Although some people are still not present.

jo: *wakes up and slowly rises from the sea of bodies* Hmm... *looks around* I’m the first one up... Yay! I get to start the episode! *dances around stepping on people*
Hyde: GET OFF MY BACK WOMAN!
jo: Shush, dummy. That’s your line from yesterday. Besides, I thought that was your leg... *goes to get Kyo out of the closet* Wake up Kyokyo!
Kyo: But it’s noon....
Hyde: Exactly...
Kyo: SLEEP! *holds onto the closet door-frame so he can’t be pulled out*
jo: COME ON STUPID!
Hyde: Help?
jo: Yes.
Hyde: *helps her rip him out of the closet*
jo: Yay! *he falls back asleep immediately so she wears him as a boa* C’mon, we have to go find Sarah.
Hyde: And I have to go because...?
jo: Because YOUR MOTHER.
Hyde: *sigh* Can’t we go just eat breakfast... like normal people...
jo: WE CAN EAT BREAKFAST WHEN WE’RE DEAD! Sarah could be lost somewhere in Gackt’s house, which we know is like some sort of hell-hole even though Gackt is God.
Hyde: ...
jo: What. Why you givin’ me that look, boy.
Hyde: None of that made any sense...
jo: ...
Hyde: You’re an idiot...
jo: ...
Hyde: ...
jo: LOCUSTS! *drops Kyo and runs*
Hyde: ...
jo: ...*runs back in, grabs Kyo, and runs away again*
Hyde: ...ANYWAY! *goes into the kitchen where Gackt is asleep on the counter* Better not wake him up... I know how he gets...
Kaoru: Let me help you.
Hyde: Huh? Where’d you come from?
Kaoru: No one knows, really.... *looks to the sky*
Hyde: Well, I don’t need your help. I can make cereal, see? *makes cereal*
Kaoru: Not with breakfast, you retard!
Hyde: Well, it’s official. I’m lost.
Kaoru: *fills a pan with water and puts it on the stove to boil*
Hyde: Uh... what are you–
Kaoru: SHH! You’ll wake the beast.
Hyde: What are you doing?
Kaoru: Don’t worry, I do this all the time when Kyo comes over to my place.
Hyde: Greeeaat... Anything that you’re doing with that... THING at your house... I want no parts of.
Kaoru: Oh, c’mon! You gotta live a little, right?
Hyde: You live by boiling water...?
Kaoru: Observe. *takes the pot of boiling water off the stove*
Hyde: ...
Kaoru: *dumps it on Gackt’s face*
Gackt: *wakes up with his flesh melting off* MY FACE! MY BEAUTIFUL FACE! *sees Hyde and begins chasing him about the general area*
Kaoru: Hahahahahahaaaa! *maniacal laughter*
Hyde: KAORU YOU STUPID ROUND-EYE! YOU’RE GONNA GET IT!
Kaoru: Hey! I am ASIAN, thankyouverymuch...
Gackt: *frothing at the mouth as he flies around the kitchen in a rage trying to eat Hyde alive*
Toshiya: *wanders into the kitchen and sees Gackt chasing Hyde around* Ew! He’s splashing melted flesh all over the place!
Gackt: *stops* I am?! WHERE?! *looks around* MAID!
Mana: *appears* You rang?
Gackt: Get to work!
Mana: Of course, your sexiness. *bows, then waves his Magickal Mana Hand and Gackt’s face is all Gackt-y once again*
Gackt: Yeah, and don’t forget to clean up the mess. *runs out of the room*
Kaoru: Hahahaha! Mess!!! PRICELESS!!! *still dying of laughter*
Hyde: YOU! *runs over to Kaoru and starts choking him*
Mana: *uses his Mana powers and Hyde and Kaoru appear in separate cages*
Kaoru: Phew...
Hyde: Damn you, Mana....
Mana: *bats eyelashes*
Hyde: *tries to reach through the bars to grab a knife from off the counter* I can...almost... get it...
Kaoru: *thinks back on dumping boiling water on peoples’ faces* Good times.. Gooood times.
Hyde: You idiot! What’s the matter with you?!
Kaoru: Well... my mom won’t own up to it, but she dropped me on my head when I was only a few weeks old.. *looks off to the side in recollection* Good times. Gooood times.
Mana: Who wants pancakes? *suddenly wearing a french maid outfit*
Toshiya: Toshiya wants!
Mana: Toshiya gets! *waves his wand and a giant pile of pancakes appear*
Toshiya: Yum-o!
Mana: *leaves the room to go dust*
Hyde: Hey, you - beanpole.
Toshiya: Huh?
Hyde: Gimme some pancakes!
Kaoru: Yeah, hook us up, Big T!
Toshiya: *throws a steaming hot pancake on Kaoru’s face*
Kaoru: Pancake on my face, bitch.
Toshiya: ...
Kaoru: *drops the pancake* ...
Hyde: Gimme one!
Toshiya: Here ya go. *hands Hyde a plate with syrup and everything*
Hyde: YUMMEH!
Kaoru: ...
Toshiya: That’s what you get for pouring boiling water on Kyo’s face that one time.... and that other time, and... well, all those other times.
Kaoru: Oh, c’mon, Toshiya! It’s not like I ever did it to you!
Toshiya: You never invited me over to your house!
Kaoru: Well– I— I mean.... You–!
Toshiya: That’s what I thought. *takes his pancakes and goes into the living room to eat amongst the lifeless bodies. Just like he’s used to.*
Kaoru: Ooooh, that little–
Hyde: He’s bigger than you...
Kaoru: ...
Hyde: What? He is.
Kaoru: Well I’m bigger than YOU.
Hyde: I weigh more.
Die: *runs around nekked*
Kaoru: ANYWAY.
Die: Aw, c’mon, how you gonna do me like that, Kao-man? Can’t we at least ACKNOWLEDGE that I’m running around naked?
Kaoru: We did. NOW ANYWAY–
Die: PLEASE?
Hyde: OH LOOK A NAKED GUY!
Die: ...
Hyde: Happy now?!
Die: *runs around nekked*
Kaoru: AS I WAS SAYING BEFORE I WAS SO RUDELY INTERRUPTED BY DIE’S NAKED ASS... I have a plan to get us outta these things.
Hyde: Really?! What’s up your sleeve?
Kaoru: My arm.
Hyde: *stare*
Kaoru: WHACU LOOKIN’ AT FOOL, YOU KNOW I’M GONNA HAVE SOME TEA!
Hyde: ...
Mana: Here you are, sir or madam! *throws hot tea in Kaoru’s face*
Kaoru: OH YEAH BABY THAT’S THE GOOD STUFF!
Hyde: ... *starts crying*
Toshiya: *runs into the kitchen* It’s Yu-Gi-Oh time, bitches!
Kaoru: Oh boy! Let me outta here!
Toshiya: Ok! *unlocks it and Kaoru and him skip off into the living room*
Hyde: ... *looks up at the sky...sigh. What’s up there anyway...?* POR QUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE?!?!?!
Miyavi: HERE I AM!!!!!
Hyde: Good, you can let me out.
Miyavi: ...
Hyde: C’mon, I know we’ve had some moments in the past that, we’d... well, just as soon forget, but... I really need to go kick someone’s ass.
Miyavi: Oh boy, I’m up for an ass-whoopin’! *unlocks the cage and Hyde runs into the living room and jumps on Kaoru, Miyab follows*
Kaoru: HERBIE! ATTACK! *Toshiya jumps on Hyde’s face and blood squirts everywhere*
jo: HEY. I got sumert to say bitches.
Everyone: *stops what they were doing and looks at the freak wearing Kyo as a boa*
jo: First of all, quit lookin’ to the sky. IT’S ANNOYING!
Everyone: ...
jo: AND NO MORE ANDY MILONAKIS REFERENCES!
Kaoru: Awww, mana...
jo: Don’t gimme no lip, boy. You heard the rules. Now we have to form a search party to go find Sarah because we all love her and miss her very much and–
Everyone: *go back to attacking each other*
jo: Sigh... looks like it’s just me and my boa. KYO AWAKEN! *drops him on the floor*
Kyo: ....*snore*
jo: POR QUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE?!
Hyde: MY LINE! *attacks her*
Kyo: *wakes up and turns into a giant robot and jumps in front of jo before Hyde can attack*
jo: YAY! He’s awake!
Kyo: Haha! Just joking! *turns normal* You can attack her. *wanders out to the kitchen* FOOD! *sees Mana* Hey baby, do you like it in the morning?!
Mana: It’s 1 in the afternoon.
Kyo: Oh wait, you’re a guy, huh?
Mana: *nod nod, blink blink*
Kyo: Damnit.
Mana: Pancakes?
Kyo: Nah, I’m not hungry anymore... I think I need to go pray.....
Mana: PANCAKES! *starts jamming them down his throat*
Kyo: AH! HELP! A GIANT CROSSDRESSER IS TRYING TO FEED ME PANCAKES!
Miyavi: *runs in* OH BOY! *helps Mana*
Kyo: TALL PEOPLE ARE TRYING TO MOLEST ME!
Miyavi: Oh my god.
Kyo: What...
Miyavi: It was like, soooo not a sexual thing and you just took it and turned it right into one.
Mana: *nods*
Kyo: Sorry, it’s... well, it’s what I do. Heheh.
jo: KYO!
Kyo: HYDE ME! *gets behind the tall people*
Hyde: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! *jumps out a window*
Gackt: *runs into the room* My Hyde-just-tried-to-kill-himself-senses are tingling!
Kaoru: *points to the window*
Gackt: I’m comin’, babycakes! *dives out the window after him*
Toshiya: Kaoru, I’m scared! Hold me!
Kaoru: I thought you’d never ask!
jo: O. MEIN. GOTT. *closes the door to the living room... SEALING THAT PART OF THE HOUSE OFF FOREVER!* Ok, we’re gonna pretend we never saw any of that.
Kyo: Right.
Miyavi: Got it.
Mana: *nods*
jo: Now. That search party we were talking about, we need to get out there A.S.A.F.P., understood troops?!
Kyo: I have a question! *raises his hand* Will there be free beverages?
jo: *smacks him* SHUT UP.
Mana: *faints*
Miyavi: MAN DOWN MAN DOWN MAY DAY MAY DAY–
jo: MIYAVI!
Miyavi: Yes sir.
jo: If we wanna do this right you’re gonna have to be a little less spaztastic, and I am not a sir.
Miyavi: Sir, yes, sir!
jo: Now wake up Mana. Kyo, quit being such a flaming queer and get with it. Let’s head out! *dives out the window*
Miyavi: *picks up Mana and Kyo and follows her*

So now, everyone has pretty much woke up. Sarah isn’t here and ummm... ok I don’t really remember what the fuck is going on, all I know is that cannibals eat apple pie filling. ON WITH THE SHOW!

*meanwhile, in another part of Gackt’s gigundamundo house...*

Wang: BLACKJACK!
Sakura: Sigh..........
Wang: Hahahahahahaaaaaaaaaaa!
Shinya: Hey, I’m just wondering.... if you guys know how to do anything other than sit around playing cards and smoking crack...?
Sakura: Don’t you worry your pretty little head about it, sweetheart.
Shinya: Um, you realize I’m a guy, right...?
Sakura: ...
Shinya: ...
Sakura: ...Yes.
Ruki: Hey, quit playin’ footsie and let’s play some CARDS BITCHES!
Reita: That’s the Ruki I know! And look, I picked the lock on Gackt’s liquor cupboard!
Ruki: Just like I taught ‘im!
Reita: *glow*
Wang: Oh boy, are we gonna get drunk?!
Ruki: DOES A BEAR SHIT IN THE TUB?!
Wang: ...I thought it was...
Shinya: Well, I better be hittin’ the old dusty trail.... *gets up*
Sakura: You can’t leave! I’m in love with you!
Shinya: .... BYE! *runs away*
Ruki: Let ‘im go, we don’t need any hoes. It’s fella’s night out!
Reita: Yeah! Drinks all around!
Wang: BARFIGHT! *grabs a bottle of wine and smashes it off Ruki’s head* R
uki: WOO! THIS IS THE BEST BIRTHDAY WEEKEND EVER!

*bar-fighting ensues*

OOOOOOOOOK! That’s the end. For now. Question time: Will jo’s band of mentally/socially challenged, gender-confused, violent, disproportionate FREAKS be able to locate the lost Sarah? Are Kaoru and Toshiya stuck in a black hole of yaoi magick forver?! Where did Shinya wander off to? And uhh.... where’s all the people I forgot to put in here! AND WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON WITH ALL THE ANDY MILONAKIS SHIT?! Sigh. And to think this episode almost took me a month.... well, whatever. I need to go smoke some crack. Tune in next time. DEWA MATA BITCHES!