Let it be known that Sarah is forcing me to write this episode. So however much it may suck, no one can blame me! Woohoo! This calls for going extra crazy. HERE YA GO:

Toshiya: *driving one of those little Barbie cars around the house... you know, the ones you can sit in* VROOM VROOOM! *runs Kaoru over*
Kaoru: MY SPLEEN!
Miyavi: Good lord, what is it with everyone and their spleen nowadays?! I mean, that’s all you people ever say... don’t you have any other body parts that can be squished?
Kaoru: Uh... MY BALLS!
Toshiya: HAHAHA! *drives away crazily into the kitchen where Gackt is cooking. And has been for 4 days* So is dinner ready yet?
Gackt: JUST ONE MORE DAY!
Toshiya: That’s what you said three days ago!
Gackt: I lied.
Toshiya: Come on, can’t I have a taste?
Gackt: ...
Toshiya: Just a little one, pleeeaaaasssee? *gives him the puppy-dog eyes*
Gackt: It doesn’t work when you do it.
Toshiya: What? Why?!
Gackt: You’re cross-eyed.
Toshiya: ... I’LL SHOW YOU CROSS-EYED! *drives into him and knocks him over*
Gackt: AH! *grabs the pot on the stove on the way down and pulls it down all over himself* I’M MELTING!
Toshiya: Now you know how I feel. *drives away*
Mana: *walks out in front of him*
Toshiya: *parks next to him* Hey, you lookin’ for a good time, sweetheart?
Mana: ...
Toshiya: Maybe you didn’t hear me, I said–
Mana: *smacks him across the head with a little purse that he somehow always has*
Toshiya: Ow...
Kyo: Haha! Burned!
Toshiya: Kyo...
Kyo: Yes?
Toshiya: Shut up.
Kyo: Oh man...
Toshiya: *starts to drive away*
Kyo: Wait! I forgot to tell you that I’m running from the law and I need you to be my getaway car.
Toshiya: ...Oh, fine... How can I say no to that monkey face? Get in.
Kyo: Alright! Petal to the metal! *jumps in*
Toshiya: *speeds into the hallway where two little police cars are parked - Kaoru and Die in one, Ken and Sakura in the other*
Kaoru: LOOK! That’s them! *points to Toshiya* He murdered Gackt, and the other one... well he’s just plain bad news!
Ken: GET ‘EM! *both drive after them*
Kyo: C’mon Toshiya, burn some rubber! They're catchin’ up to us!
Toshiya: We’re going as fast as we can!
Kyo: Lemme take the wheel! *grabs it and they swerve down the stairs*
Toshiya: Damn you, Kyo!
Kyo: No, damn YOU!
Kaoru: Hold on everybody, we’re goin’ down! *follows them*
Ken: *stops at the top of the stairs*
Sakura: Ken! Go!
Ken: I can’t... I’ve been... hit... *falls out of the car*
Sakura: Ken!
Ken: Leave me... I’ll be.... fine... Ugh... *dead*
Sakura: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! .... *gives the camera a stone-faced look and scoots into the driver’s seat* This one’s for you, Ken. *adjust his foam police hat as the camera zooms into him* Here we go! *revs the engine and then the camera angle changes as if it were filming from underneath the car as it flies over the steps* I’m comin’, guys!
Kyo: Toshiya! Drive it like you stole it or LET ME!
Toshiya: I did steal it! From Toy R’ Us!
Kyo: Wow, really?
Toshiya: Uh huh! *they suddenly crash into the banister and go flying over it, landing in the living room*
Kyo: ...Are we dead?
Kaoru: *pulls up in his little police car and he and Die get out* No, but you’re about to be, scum!
Kyo: Hey! I am not scum! I’m FILTH, thank you very much!
Die: Save it for the judge! *pointing a water-gun at him*
Sakura: *pulls up and jumps out with his water-gun* YOU! *points it at Kyo* You killed my partner!
Ken: *staggers onto the scene*
Sakura: KEN!
Kaoru + Die: GASP!
Ken: *raises his gun and points it at Kyo, all in slow motion*
Toshiya: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! *jumps in front of Kyo and takes the bullet, still in slow motion*
Kyo: *k that’s enough slow motion* Toshiya!
Toshiya: Kyo... Go on...without me.... *dead*
Ken: *still clutching his wound* That’s... my line... *falls to his knees, then to the ground, really dead this time*
Sakura: Ken, no!

....Tune in next week for another episode of Miami Vice! Wait, what are we watching again? It was Miami Vice, right...? Right...?

DAMN YOU SARAH! THAT WAS ALL YOUR FAULT!