THE NEXT DAY!!

Everyone: *sitting in the living room when the bookcase creaks open*
Yuki: *comes staggering in through the SECRET PASSAGEWAY with a lampshade on his head* Whew! Those Gackts sure know how to get down! *collapses*
jo: I knew it all along. I was being lied to...
Ken: Sorry, but if we would�ve told you, then you know that portal would never get sealed up...
jo: I don�t understand.
Ken: *moves Yukihiro out of the way and does a little magic spell to close the passageway*
Gackt: Hey. My personality was in there.
jo: My ticket to eternal happiness was in there... damn it!
Gackt: If I don�t get back all of my personality traits, I�ll never see the light of another exclamation point.
Tetsu: Looks like it�s periods for you, Gackty wackty.
Gackt: If I had my insanity I would definitely flip out on you.
Hyde: Oh well! Let�s all have a cigarette and get happy.
Gojyo: Sounds good to me!
Everyone: GASPNESS!
Gackt: Oh, my God. A robber.
Yuki: ROBBER?! *wakes up, lunges at Gojyo* YUKIHIRO TO THE RESCUE!
Gojyo: *knocks him out* I hope that wasn�t your friend...
Ken: Don�t worry. It wasn�t.
Hyde: ...
Tetsu: So, just who are you and what exactly brings you to our living room, and why in the name of Starbucks is she drooling like that?
Sarah: *slobber*
jo: It�s Gojyo! He�s a P-I-M-P!
Tetsu: ...A pimple?!
Gojyo: ...
Sarah: SLOBBER!
Hyde: I�m a little scared.
Gojyo: So am I...
Gackt: So am I. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
jo: You wouldn�t happen to be hiding Hakkai in those large and in charge pants of yours, would you?! *goes over to him and starts pulling on his pants*
Gojyo: Hakkai...in my pants?! What is she talking about?
Sarah: Don�t mind her, she�s off her medication! I�m the one you want, GOJYO! *throws herself on him*
jo: Hey, be careful with him! He�s my ticket to Hakkai!
Hyde: I�m confused...
Ken: Join the club.
Hyde: There�s a club now?
Tetsu: ...
3 painfully long hours later...
jo: WHAT DO WE WANT?!
Ken+Hyde+Yuki+Tetsu: Uhh...that one guy....umm..what�s his name... ...
Gackt: Hakkai, you fools.
jo: AND WHEN DO WE WANT HIM?!
Sarah: Never! WE WANT SANZO!
Gojyo: *tied up in a chair with tape over his mouth* MMMMMM!
jo: What�s that?! You say you want to be brutally tortured until you give us Hakkai, Goku and Sanzo?!
Tetsu: YEAH! We have ways of making you talk! *rips the tape off of his mouth*
Gojyo: Ow, you bastard! *starts jumping up and down, inching the chair towards Tetsu* Just wait until I get out of this chair, you�re gonna be�
jo: RESTRAIN HIM!
Gackt: Yaaaaaaah. *goes flying at him and falls on top of him*
Sarah: WOOOOOOO!
jo: Ahhh, the powers of yaoi magic. Now, back to work! Hold him down!!
Gojyo: What the hell, you people are insane!
jo: We�re not gonna hurt you, you�re too beautiful to die. Everyone knows that. Just bring us the others and we�ll spare your well-being!
Gojyo: What do you want with them? I�m the sexy one!
Hakkai: *comes in the SECRET PASSAGEWAY followed by the other two*
Ken: Hey, I thought I sealed that thing off!
Yuki: More ROBBERS! *tries to lunge at them but is chained up*
Hakkai: Are we interrupting something...
jo: No way! The party�s just gettin� started! *cling*
Hakkai: Um, shouldn�t we go out for coffee first?
jo: Whatever flips your cookies <3<3<3x10000000000
Gojyo: Hakkai, c�mon, you gotta save me from these weirdos!
Goku: Hey, you guys are pretty funny-lookin�!
Gackt: Hey boy. Just who�re you callin� funny-lookin�.
jo: Oh, no, look at all the G names... I�m gonna have a hell of a time with this episode...
Sanzo: Ok. Something tells me we�re lost. Now let�s go before I have to shoot someone.
Sarah: YOU CAN SHOOT ME ANYTIME, ANYWHERE!
Sanzo: I never thought I�d say this, but I�m really scared. Now let�s go, you... *turns around to see the Gojyo is tied up in his chair again, Goku is in a cage, and jo is cutting off Hakkai�s blood circulation*
Sanzo: Great... AM I GONNA HAVE TO KILL A BITCH?!
Hakkai: Sanzo, I thought you took your Prozac this morning!
Sanzo: Shut up, cyclops!
Hakkai: ...*sob*
jo: And the insanity begins! HUAHUAHUAHUA!!
Sarah: Oh my Sanzo, I can�t believe our house is full of hott guys!
Gackt: Hey...I thought it was �Oh my Gackt�...
Hyde: Yeah, and in case you�ve forgotten, your house was full of hott guys before!
Tetsu: Yeah, right on sister!
Hyde: Tetsu...don�t talk anymore.
Tetsu: Sorry.
Ken: Well, we�re leaving. *heads for the SECRET PASSAGEWAY*
Sarah: Ken. Wait. Don�t go. *yawn*
Gackt: Hey, I�m the one with no personality here.
Sarah: Sorry. Forgot. Now, Sanzo, where were we?
Sanzo: We were at the part where I blow your brains out!
Sarah: Oh, so you like it rough, eh?! Hohohohohohhoo..
Gojyo: Isn�t anyone gonna pay any attention to me?!
jo: *sees Hyde, Tetsu, Ken, Yuki, and Gackt going to the SECRET PASSAGEWAY* Hey, just where do those Japanese rock stars think they�re going?! Seize them, slaves!
H+T+K+Y+G: *stand there glaring evilly*
jo: Crap, I forgot. They *are* my slaves...
Sarah: I know! *unleashes Goku from his cage* RELEASE THE HOUNDS!
Goku: Hey, you�re gonna get it you crazy girl! *goes to whack her one*
Sarah: Wait! Food!
Goku: What?!
Sarah: I�ll give you food if you stop those people! CAPTURE THEM!
jo: Sarah, you�re a genius!
Sarah: I know.
Goku: *hurries towards the bookcase but everyone goes through and he slams his face off of it* Owie...
jo: Oh. My. God. THAT IS TOO CUTE! GLOOOOMP!
Hakkai: Ok. I must be dreaming.
Gojyo: Well, then I guess you and I are having the same dream...but it�s more like a nightmare...
Sanzo: My thoughts exactly. *shoots about a million rounds into the air*
Sarah: THAT WAS LOUD!
jo: WHAT? I CAN�T HEAR YOU?!
Sarah: LOOKS LIKE WE�RE GONNA HAVE TO SHOUT FOR THE REST OF THE EPISODE!
jo: WELL, ISN�T THAT JUST WONDERFUL! LOOK WHAT YOU�VE DONE, SANZO!
Gojyo: ...
Hakkai: Well, it�s been fun girls, but I think we should be going...
jo: *presses an anonymous button and bars fall down over all the doors and windows*
Sarah: Hahah! Now what do you think you�ll do?
jo: Yes, how ever will you escape this one?! BWA HAHAHAHAAA!
Sanzo: Listen, I don�t know who you are, or why the hell you�re trying to�
Sarah: Here, sweet cheeks! Try this! *shoves a pill down his throat*
Goku: Hey! I want some!
jo: You got it! *hands him the bottle and he scarfs it down*
Goku: MMMM! CHOCOLATE!
jo: Yes, that�s right...chocolate....hmhmhmm...
Sarah: Here Hakkai!
Hakkai: Sorry, my mommy told me not to take candy from strangers.
Sarah: Is that so?!
Hakkai: ...
jo: You know what you�re problem is, Hakkai?
Hakkai: What..?
jo: You need to be more assertive. I bet you�d cave to a little peer pressure, right?!
Sarah: Heheheh...take one of these or you�re not cool!
Hakkai: *watches Sanzo, who is sitting on the floor, seemingly passed out* Is he dead?! Sanzo!
Gojyo: Just give me the damn pills! Anything if it�ll make you two look more attractive!
jo: ...
Sarah: ...
jo: I guess...
Sarah: He�ll...have to pay...
jo: I was hoping it wouldn�t come to this, but...
Sarah: He made us do it...
jo: That�s right. Here, Gojyo, you�re getting an extra dose! *jams like 3 million bottles full down his throat*
Gojyo: Whew...everything...is so colorful...
Hakkai: Ok, what have you done to them?! It�s time to get serious! *makes a little energy ball*
jo: *appears behind him and injects him with THE POISON!* This is what you get for not cooperating!
Hakkai: Damn...it.... *falls over*
jo: *puts a Pokemon band-aid on his arm* And...there! Now, we wait. They�ll have no memory of any of this and we can tell them...that...
Sarah: Tell them that what...?
jo: Well, you�re the one with the story.
Sarah: ...
jo: C�mon, Sarah, we�ve been preparing for this day all of our PATHETIC LITTLE LIVES!
Sarah: I�m sorry, I thought you�d come up with something!
jo: There�s no time for useless apologies!
Sarah: ...
jo: *smack*
Sarah: Owie...
jo: ....

Meanwhile... In a corny-looking bar somewhere...

Hyde: *almost drunk* I can�t believe those little wenches! We take them into our house...treat them like they�re...
Tetsu: But Hyde. It was their house, and they took us in.
Ken: Those little bitches kidnaped us! *hic*
Hyde: Yeah ...that�s what they did... *almost falls out of his chair* Woah, I guess I�m a little tipsy...
Tetsu: Yes. Yes, you are. And once again, it looks like I�m the designated driver...
Yuki: And I�ll drink to that! Hey, bartender, another one over here!
Bartender (just so happens that he�s one of the Gackts): Umm..haven�t you had enough, sir?
Yuki: I�ll tell you when I�ve �had enough, sir!�
Bartender: O...kay...
Hyde: Hey! You�re one of those...those things...
Tetsu: You�re one of Gackt�s Gackts!
Bartender Gackt: ...
Tetsu: I knew we�d find �em if we hung around this weird dimension for long enough! Where�s our Gackt, we have to get him out here!
Ken: That guy went to the crapper a long time ago...
Tetsu: I�ll be back! You four...don�t do anything I wouldn�t do!
Yuki: ...
Ken: ...
Hyde: ...
Bartender Gackt: *runs*
Hyde: Well, there he goes...
Yuki: *hic* ...yup.
Ken: Yup...

Not the end! Let�s do a little paraphrasing: Yuki came back from partying with the Gackts, and Gojyo magically appeared! GACKT! He was soon followed by his fellow Saiyuki hotties, and now Sarah and jo have them right where they want them! ...Or do they? Hyde, Tetsu, Ken, Yukihiro, and Gackt get upset when their positions as resident bishounen are stolen, so they high-tale it to the dimension of partying Gackts. Things heat up when it turns into a wild goose chase to retrieve our beloved Gaku-chan�s wonderful personality! 7 Gackts are not necessarily better than one...in the next STIRRING episode of Backstage Pass!