(A3e2) ex gays on homosexual addiction

Homosexual sex is addictive. Some people have overcome this addiction. This web folder is by or about people who have been able to stop engaging in homosexual sex. ******* As of this date, 07-02-19 this folder contains 9 articles. ******* item 1 AMERICA: CHANGE IS POSSILBE! ******* item 2 BEYOND GAY ******* item 3 EX-GAY MAN'S ADVICE ******* item 4 BLOG ENTRIES ******* item 5 LESBIAN BOOK REVIEW BY JAN CLAUSEN ******* item 6 FAMOUS FORMER LESBIANS ******* item 7 ILLINOIS FAMILY GROUP INVITES DAY OF SILENCE STUDENTS TO HEAR EX-HOMOSEXUAL ******* item 8 I DO EXIST ******* item 9 ANITA BRYANT WAS RIGHT ******* item 10 LINKS *********************************************************************************************************************** ******* item 1 AMERICA: CHANGE IS POSSILBE! ******* Posted: June 4, 2002 1:00 a.m. Eastern ******* Editor's note: The upcoming July issue of WND's popular monthly print magazine, Whistleblower, will be a groundbreaking look at the issue of homosexuality in America. Subscribe to Whistieblower at WND's online store, ShopNetDaily. ******* By Stephen Bennett ******* � 2002 WorldNetDaily.com ******* When I had my first homosexual encounter and "came out" as a freshman in college in 1981, homosexuality still had a stigma about it. Coming out was not the "in" thing to do. Americans, for the most part, believed that there was something wrong with homosexuality, as did the American Psychiatric Association. Our homosexual activity was kept in the bedroom and out of society's face � until, of course, HIV and AIDS brought our "alternative" lifestyle to the forefront of America. This is when everything began to change. ******* Homosexuals, once viewed as the "victimizers," were now the helpless "victims." Gay men were dying in droves, and no one knew why. In the midst of this horrible disease, we were not going to let our "chance" pass us by. ******* You see, ever since we were little children, many of us felt we never had the love or acceptance we desired. We were always different. We always felt deep down inside we were "born" this way. Now, we now had America's attention � a captive audience. But we also had something much more that we never expected � America's compassion. The day that we always dreamed about had finally come. The tables were starting to turn. America would never be the same again. ******* Over 21 years later, I look back at my life, as well as America today. We both have greatly changed. ******* Homosexuals are experiencing heights they could have only dreamed of. The stigma is gone. The American Psychiatric Association has removed homosexuality from its diagnostic manual of "mental disorders." Vermont is the first state to pave the way for legalizing civil unions between same sex couples. The institutionalizing of "gay marriage" in America is within reach � just around the corner. ******* Hollywood and the media are promoting homosexuality in a glorified, exciting way. "Queer As Folk" and "Will and Grace" soar in the ratings. The major networks flourish with pro-gay characters, themes and shows like never before. ******* America's children are also the latest "trophy" of the homosexual movement. Rosie O'Donnell is the model gay "poster parent," crusading for homosexual adoptions. Heather now has two mommies, and Frankie has two daddies. ******* The Gay, Lesbian Straight Education Network is active in schools across the country desensitizing America's children to "homophobia" via their "educational" materials. Under the guise of "tolerance" and "acceptance," they have nestled their way into public-school systems nationwide and are preaching homosexuality to children as a normal, alternative lifestyle. Beginning in kindergarten, they are telling your children daily "gay is OK" � without you, the parent, even knowing. ******* Sen. Ted Kennedy, D-Mass., is making major headway with the Employment Non-Discrimination Act hearings to give special rights and protections to homosexuals, as well as the federal government discussing laws to make it a federal crime to commit an act of violence against a homosexual. ******* Major denominations have realized they were "wrong" all along and are now "open and affirming" churches � accepting the sexually active homosexual. They've repented from misinterpreting the Bible for so many years. Many of these mainline organizations even ordain openly homosexual men and women into the ministry. Gay churches have sprung up across the country, encouraging the homosexual man and woman to embrace their "God-given" same-sex desires. ******* No doubt, we are at the dawning of a "new day" in America. Who would have ever thought the rainbow flag would one day be flying high and proud next to Old Glory? What strides we have made in such as short time! ******* But as America has changed, so have I. After actively living the homosexual life for 11 years with over 100 men (many of whom are dead today from AIDS), I've realized I was wrong all along. I always desired a wife and a family � but I fell for the "Gay Spin Zone" and bought into the deception that I was "born" that way and that change was "impossible." ******* All those years, I "played house" with my male partners. My homosexual partnerships and bed-pal lovers were no more than a mere counterfeit of the real thing. I was never really happy � but lonely, sad, depressed and unfulfilled � on a destructive, deadly course with my unhealthy, unnatural sexual behavior. ******* In 1992, though, something happened. My eyes were opened. I changed � completely. I came into a personal relationship with Jesus Christ. It wasn't a self-help group, psychology or even trying to "turn over" a new leaf that did it. It was simply the living Word of God � the Bible � that showed me the truth about the lifestyle I embraced, and completely set me free from my homosexuality. Today, I do not struggle whatsoever with homosexual thoughts, feelings or actions. I don't "suppress" anything. Miraculously, I truly have changed. ******* I am happily married nine years and deeply in love with a wonderful woman who knew me when I was gay and never stopped praying for me. We also have two beautiful little children � a boy and a girl. God has truly given me the desires of my heart � a wife, children, happiness, peace, joy and self-acceptance. ******* My friend � don't be deceived as I was. No one is "born" gay. It has everything to do with childhood. As we would not encourage an alcoholic or drug addict to continue down their destructive paths, the same must be said of the homosexual. True love is to show these dear people the truth, in love. It's not "intolerant" and it's not "hateful." It's the truth. ******* Today, I have a real love and compassion to reach the homosexual man and woman with the truth. Guys and gals � we were wrong. Dead wrong. We don't have to be unhappy, lonely and on a never-ending search for love and acceptance for the rest of our lives. We don't have to play house any longer. We can have the real thing � and it's more beautiful than we could have ever imagined. ******* Yes America, change is possible � completely possible! *******------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Editor's note: The upcoming July issue of WND's popular monthly print magazine, Whistleblower, will be a groundbreaking look at the issue of homosexuality in America. Subscribe to Whistieblower at WND's online store, ShopNetDaily. ******* -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Stephen Bennett is a Christian recording artist and commentator who is featured nationally on radio, television and print. He is emerging as one of the nation's key speakers on "coming out" of homosexuality. For further information visit Stephen Bennett's website. ********************************************************************************************************* ******* item 2 BEYOND GAY ******* Reprinted from AD2000 Vol 15 No 4 (May 2002), p. 17 ******* by David Morrison ******* (Our Sunday Visitor, 1999, 245pp, $29.95. Available from AD Books) ******* Hardly a week goes past without a report in the media which endorses or presents homosexuality in a favourable light. Similarly, most of us during the course of any week would hear homosexuals described in disparaging terms in conversations with colleagues, friends and family members. ******* Beyond Gay provides a challenge to both attitudes. The author, David Morrison, once a leading homosexual activist, now is at the forefront of promoting chastity for those who are attracted to persons of the same sex. ******* The first chapters of Beyond Gay are autobiographical. Morrison describes his same sex encounters as a teenager before becoming a homosexual activist as a young adult. Morrison's conversion can be said to have occurred in stages. He become and remained a committed Christian while still being an active homosexual. Gradually, however, he became convinced that homosexual practice was incompatible with Christianity. His decision to live a chaste life was soon followed by a decision to enter the Catholic Church. ******* Morrison's approach to the issue of same sex attraction is faithful to Christian teaching. While a same sex attracted person did not choose his or her attraction, nevertheless, the Church teaches that all genital acts with a person of the same sex are sinful. Underlining the author's analysis is the conviction that sexual activity between persons of the same sex does not lead to happiness, even within committed, long term same sex relationships. ******* Beyond Gay also deals frankly with issues such as long term homosexual relationships and teenage "coming out". For example, citing recent research, Morrison argues that deciding upon a same sex attraction identity too young and engaging in homosexual activity can have a severe negative psychological impact. ******* Compassion ******* At the same time, Morrison does not intend to "throw stones at men who experience same sex attraction or even those who act upon the temptation" (p. 19). Throughout the work, he shows compassion towards people who experience same sex attraction and reminds the reader that the Christian response should be a love of all people, regardless of their orientation, and zero tolerance of belittling of, name calling, or violence towards homosexuals. ******* Practical advice and reassurance is offered, for example, to parents of homosexuals and a portion of the book discusses strategies designed to assist those who experience same sex attraction but wish to live out their Christian call to holiness, focusing upon the centrality of prayer, Eucharist, confession and works of charity. ******* Beyond Gay is a significant work which addresses the issue of same sex attraction from a Christian perspective. Balanced, compassionate and faithful to Christian teaching in its approach, it would be useful reading for those involved in ministry, education, and those experiencing same sex attraction, along with their families and friends. ******* John S. Webster is a Melbourne Catholic writer. ******* Reprinted from AD2000 Vol 15 No 4 (May 2002), p. 17 ********************************************************************************************************* ******* item 3 EX-GAY MAN'S ADVICE ******* From: "PFOX" ******* Date: Sun, 28 Dec 2003 19:38:20 +0000 Jake�s No-B***s*** Offensively Blunt Advice on Getting The Most out of Reparative Therapy ******* Lots of people who start Reparative Therapy fail. These people (and the gay rights lobby) like to think the reason for all these failures is because the therapy isn�t very good. This isn�t true. There�s nothing wrong with the therapy. The reason many people fail is simply due to something wrong with their approach to their therapy. Usually, they don�t put in the necessary work. Or they simply don�t study and don�t know enough about how their own SSA developed, and what to do to counteract it. Or they refuse to give up things like porn, sex, and boyfriends. Or they won�t �feel the fear and do it anyway� in doing things that will assist them in the healing process. Usually these people give up after a few short weeks or months. Or they simply don�t have the balls to keep going and complete therapy. But, as far as they are concerned, they think they�ve done everything properly, so they blame the therapy! Okay, I�ll give the benefit of the doubt. Let�s say there are some people � through not fault of their own � will not see progress with this therapy. But 99 times out of 100, those who see no improvement at all simply aren�t doing things properly. ******* Let me explain: ******* Wrong approach #1: �Jesus will cure me� ******* No he won�t! Reparative Therapy is a medical treatment, not a spiritual problem. Religion can be used as an excellent motivator and method of support, but neither Jesus nor Buddha nor Allah nor [insert God here] will do the psychological work for you that you should be doing yourself. ******* Wrong approach #2: ******* Try �therapy� but don�t give up porn/sex/boyfriends ******* If you�ve been trying to change your sexual feelings, but have been looking at gay porn, having gay sex, having boyfriends, and being involved in gay culture, then quite frankly you may as well not bother. You haven�t been going through any �therapy.� You will have very little � if any � progress. Although giving up these comforts will be difficult (it may take some time) � for goodness sake, stop pissing about and DO IT. You won�t make any progress otherwise. If you think you are somehow �special� and different in this regard, then you�re kidding yourself. ******* Wrong approach #3: ******* �Getting married (or getting a girlfriend) will solve my SSA�. Oh no it won�t! Girlfriends and marriage are not magic tricks. It will not make the causes of your SSA �disappear� behind a curtain at the wave of a magic wand. The causes of your SSA, and the SSA itself, will remain entirely untouched. Marriage and girlfriends are irrelevant. And since when was having a relationship with a woman a form of �Reparative Therapy�? It isn�t anything to do with it. The therapy is based on your alienation from men � not from women! ******* Wrong approach #4: ******* �I don�t need to read lots of books� ******* Oh yes you do. You need to read, read, read, read, and then read some more. You need to understand the root causes of your SSA as much as possible. If you don�t understand your root causes, you won�t know how to treat them and you won�t know what steps to take. You will wander through your therapy completely lost � not knowing why you feel a certain way, and not knowing what to do about it. Lot�s of people don�t study properly. They always end up being �amazed� at learning truths about SSA from other people, even though they should have already known those things themselves, if they had just studied properly in the first place. If you don�t study, your progress will be slow (assuming you have any progress at all). If I was a therapist, I would force my clients to read and study (with a highlighter pen AND a notebook) a minimum of the following books: ******* Reparative Therapy of Male Homosexuality by Nicolosi ******* Battle For Normality by Aardweg (this should be studied twice and ALL suggestions followed) ******* My Genes Made Me Do It! by Whitehead (if you can get a copy) ******* Wrong approach #5: �My therapy will be an easy ride.� ******* No it won�t. It will be difficult. You will cry. You will smile. You will be frustrated. You will laugh. You will be stuck. You will have revelations. You will be discouraged. You will be encouraged. You will be sad. You will be happy. You will be elated. You will be fearful. You will be empowered. You will feel inferior. You will feel superior. But at the end of the day, you�ll feel a whole lot better! Therapy is hard work, if you don�t feel like you�re doing hard work, then you�re not working hard enough. Do you honestly expect that changing your entire personality and dealing with terrible emotional scars from childhood will be an easy and painless experience? Get real, man. ******* Wrong approach #6: Expecting miracles ******* �I watched a whole football game, but I�m still attracted to guys! Why isn�t this working for me?� That sort of comment is common. It shows that the guy has entirely and completely missed the point of Gender-Affirmative therapy in a spectacular way. What an idiot. The idea of playing sports, etc, isn�t to �train yourself as you would a monkey� (as Aardweg puts it), the idea is to break down your resistance against associating and identifying with other males. Of course, if the man understood the full concept of therapy (by reading a studying properly), he wouldn�t be saying such stupid things as quoted above. He should also realise that change is a long (perhaps lifetime) process. Considering how much you�re changing, you cannot expect your therapy to be quick. You cannot expect to be �cured� by this time next week, next month, or even next year. You have to be patient. If you�re not patient enough and don�t have the balls to stick at it, then you won�t succeed in seeing any changes, no matter how slight they might be. ******* Wrong approach #7: ******* Expecting everyone else to run around you ******* The therapy won�t change you. Your therapist won�t change you. Books won�t change you. Only one thing will change you � YOU! If you expect to be waited on hand-and-foot by everyone around you, then you may as well not bother. If you don�t have the strength to do things yourself, and you just want to take the easy route, then you should take the easiest route possible and join the gay world (and suffer badly for it). On the other hand, you should pick yourself up, be strong, and take charge of your own life and therapy. Conquer your fears, move forward in progress, and pick yourself up after set-backs, just like a real man. ******* Wrong approach #8: ******* Wallowing in self-pity ******* �Oh poor me. I just can�t seem to make any progress. Oh boo-hoo-hoo. If only someone would love poor little me!� Self-pity is one of the main things that must be conquered. If you don�t conquer it, then you won�t make much (if any) progress. Trust me on this one. Some therapist don�t think it�s as important as other things, but quite frankly, all of the people whom I�ve seen fail at this therapy are all wallowing in self-pity. They don�t want the therapy to work for them. If the therapy worked, then they would no longer have any reason to feel sorry for themselves and be �special!� There is a certain �lust in crying� said an ancient poet. He was right, self-pity feels great. Feeling �different� feels great. But you won�t make any progress so long as you keep these little immature self-comforting pleasures. Read (and study � with a highlighter pen) then entire book of Battle for Normality by Aardweg for more info on self-pity. I wouldn�t have made any progress if it weren�t for this book. This isn�t a suggestion � it�s a requirement. ******* Wrong approach #9: ******* I can do this on my own ******* No you can�t! Well, I suppose you would make some progress, but trust me; your progress will be doubled or tripled if you get help from other people. If you can arrange to have mentors, then that is the best possible thing you could do for your therapy (see the book Coming Out Straight by Richard Cohen for more info; there is also an article on the NARTH website). Also, when you tell other people of your struggles, make sure to do it for the right reasons. For example, are you telling a straight friend because you want him to understand you, or are you trying to pull him closer to you? The latter is a mistake. ******* Wrong approach #10: ******* Forgetting your progress ******* This is one I�m guilty of at times. You have to accept that therapy takes a long time, so you will continue to have some gay feelings for years to come. Don�t get upset when that happens. Don�t forget how much progress you have already made. Having a gay feeling or two will not �un-do� the progress you�ve had, it will not �un-learn� what knowledge you�ve gained, and you will not lose the new friends you have made. You will continue to have small gay feelings for many years. Expect it. It is guaranteed to happen (although, it will happen less and less as you make further progress). Just make sure not to indulge in them, otherwise further progress will be blocked. ******* Conclusion ******* Over 90% of gay men develop SSA in almost exactly the same way. There is nothing special about you to make you much different. The only thing stopping you from improving is you. Everyone who does Reparative Therapy properly should see at least a little improvement. If you haven�t seen any changes yet, don�t despair; Keep going, do things properly, and you will eventually see some improvement, in time. But only if you do things properly! ******* Jake�s Top Ten Therapy Tips ******* 1) Do something associated with your therapy every single day without fail � even something small. ******* 2) Never, ever, look at gay porn or have gay sex or go to gay bars. Each time you do, your progress is delayed, stopped, or reversed. ******* 3) Read, highlight, study and take notes from every Reparative Therapy book you�ve got. Read it more than once. ******* 4) Do things to �test your masculinity� or �confront your fears� as often as possible. Start small, and work up the ladder. ******* 5) Keep away from all caffeine � in coffee, cola, weigh-loss tablets, energy drinks, etc. I know it sounds mad, but trust me on this (caffeine increases sex-drive) ******* 6) Practice self-discipline in small ways. This will help control yourself in the big things. ******* 7) Know some statistics about gay relationships off-by-heart. This will open your eyes to the fallacy of gay �love.� ******* 8) Get connected with your body. Appreciate that you are a man from the crown of your head to the tip of your toes. ******* 9) Take an interest in �masculine� things. But find one you can be genuinely interested in. Not all men like football. ******* 10) Get help from others. Whether it is mentors, a psychotherapist, your parents, trusted friends, or someone else. ******* And a final thing which I must mention: you�re not special. If you do things incorrectly, the therapy will not magically work for you because you are somehow different than the rest of us. ******* An example of an idiot I once gave some herbal tablets to a friend of mine who had a particular skin condition. I told him the tablets may help treat it. At what seemed great expense at the time, I obtained the tablets for him and told him that he must take three a day for at least three weeks before any changes start to appear. He was very grateful and he agreed to take them. Upon seeing him again a few months later, I asked if they had been any help. He bluntly answered, �No, they didn�t work�. I was perplexed at his answer, as I was sure that they would have helped � even if it was just a little bit. However, I later found out from another member of his family what had happened. After I gave him the bottle, he took just one tablet, waited an hour, concluded that it hadn�t worked, and then threw the rest of them in the garbage! Therefore, if you�re going to give Reparative Therapy a try, ask yourself this first: am I going to give it a proper attempt, or am I going to try it just long enough to prove that it won�t work, or give up if it doesn�t work straight away, or finally, give up after a short time due to sheer laziness? Most men who start therapy simply don�t have the balls to do it properly, then they whine and complain like simple-minded women that �it doesn�t work� while ignorantly and egotistically thinking they�ve done �everything properly.� No they haven�t. In my opinion, if they actually had done everything properly, then after a few months or years they should have seen at least a small benefit! Usually these people expect to be �cured�, entirely misunderstanding the entire concept of Reparative Therapy. ******* Prognosis ******* There are many factors which effect how well you will progress. Joseph Nicolosi in his book Reparative Therapy of Male Homosexuality lists the following things. ******* An unambivalance in �rejecting a homosexual identity� ******* A �lack of indulgence in self-pity� ******* A �positive sense of self� ******* Possessing the necessary �ego-strength to tolerate stress and frustration� ******* Holding �traditional values and the sense of oneself as a member of heterosexual society� ******* The �ability to resist impulsive behaviours and to postpone gratification� ******* The setting of goals ******* The �capacity to reflect upon, verbalise, and learn from past experiences� ******* Not submitting to �a fatalistic attitude or who see life as happening to them� ******* The ability to be �honest with oneself and others� as is the ability to identify what one is feeling� ******* Having �an appreciation for gender differences� ******* Those who �have been less sexually active have better prognoses� ******* Of �the utmost value� is patience� �and �acceptance of the ongoing nature of this struggle.� ******* Keep in mind, however, that the goal is not a �cure.� There are very few persons who have a complete change. The Spitzer study deliberately examined people who had the guts to complete therapy, and who claimed that Therapy had worked for them. Even among this successful group, �complete change was the case for only 11% of the males.� This corroborates with the study by van den Aardweg in 1986 which stated that 11% of his clients experienced �radical change,� which is defined as �no homosexual interests except for occasional and weak homosexual �flashes� at most and the restoration of full heterosexuality.� ******* Do not misunderstand, though. You have every chance of experiencing radical change yourself. Even if you do not, you can experience much change. The Spitzer study used a scale of 0 to 100 (zero being heterosexual, one hundred being homosexual) to measure homosexual attraction. Before therapy, the successful males averaged 91 in this scale. However, after therapy they averaged just 23 on the scale. That�s a shift of 68 points! Therefore, I strongly believe that Reparative Therapy is perfectly good and can shift sexual desire a huge amount. The main reason it �doesn�t work� for the majority of people is simply because most people don�t have what it takes to do it properly and to stick with it! ******* Mr �It Didn�t Work For Me� ******* Mr �I�m special, so it won�t work for me!� ******* This person likes the idea that he is a tragedy, he enjoys living in self-pity, and is unsettled by the concept of him receiving treatment, since doing so will remove what he perceives to be �special� and �tragic� about him. This could mean that he can no longer comfort himself with the thought of what a poor and tragic soul he is. This person thinks up overly simplistic and ill-informed ideas about why various aspects of the therapy can�t work for him (e.g. �I had a good relationship with my dad, so this can�t possibly work for me!�). Instead of keeping a positive outlook, he entertains every negative attitude, thought, and idea against the therapy, in order that he can sabotage any possible progress that he could make if he actually underwent the therapy properly. ******* Mr �I�ll try it long enough to prove that it won�t work!� ******* This person is very similar to the above person in many respects, but his attitude is driven by egotism and the pleasure of proving a point in order to feel superior to others. He may also sabotage his own treatment in order to bolster his own self-pity and make himself feel �special� as a tragic soul, as well as to egotistically say with pride �It didn�t work for me, so it mustn�t work for anyone!� He will not study the therapy to a sufficient depth, and make incorrect assumptions in order to �prove� that it doesn�t work. He may also ridicule others who have changed, believing them to be liars. ******* Mr �I�m only doing this because I have to!� ******* This person is not undergoing Reparative Therapy for the right reasons. His parents/spouse/others may have made him begin treatment, but they continue to be his main (or only) motivation for continuing with it. Because he is not self-motivated, he does things half-heartedly. He does not study properly. He does not understand how the therapy works. He does not do things necessary for treatment. He may callously indulge in homosexual fantasy, sex, or pornography. Because he makes little progress in therapy, he becomes frustrated since he cannot please whoever made him start it initially. This is because he doesn�t want to change for himself, but for the sake of other people. ******* Mr �I can�t be bothered!� ******* This person has read half a Reparative Therapy book, skimmed through the rest of it, and then never opened it again for another six months. He doesn�t feel it necessary to put the required amount of effort into his treatment. He does not do things required by treatment. When his half-hearted attempts at change fail, he honestly believes that he did everything properly, and blames the therapy for his failure (e.g. �well, I did try therapy once, but I guess it just didn�t work for me.�). In actual fact, his homosexual feelings do not bother him enough for him to make any real effort, so he has little motivation for trying to get rid of them. ******* Mr �I�ll try it for a month and if I�m not cured, I�ll give up!� ******* This person does not put any of the sufficient effort into his treatment. He reads one or two books and expects a �cure� to quickly follow overnight. In fact, he expects the treatment to make all the effort � as if it were a form of magic � while he does not make any real effort himself. He does few of the things required by the treatment for change. He has an uncanny ability to entirely �miss the point� of many suggested therapeutic activities (e.g. �I watched a football game on TV, but I�m still attracted to guys! Why isn�t this working?�). He may also abandon his treatment and consider it a failure at the first set-back, even if it is only a slight one. ******* Mr �I know what�s best� ******* This person enthusiastically embraces Reparative Therapy, but believes that he can remove unsettling aspects of recovery, and still make great progress. Typically, he will keep his problems to himself, avoid doing therapeutic activities which he considers too challenging or too unsettling, he believes that he does not need the help of others, nor requires studying of recommended books and other resources. While he may have good results with the therapy, his progress will not be as dramatic or deeply felt as the progress he would have otherwise. Because he trusts in his own abilities so much, there is a danger that when a major set-back occurs, he will conclude that the therapy is at fault instead of his own ego-driven half-hearted efforts. ******* An occasional trait among all of the above men: due to ego, self-pity, and brainwashing by the pro-gay lobby, the above men may intensely ridicule Reparative Therapy after they experienced little or no change. They will say things like �well, I can�t see how such-and-such would work� or �It didn�t work for me so it must be all rubbish.� Such people demonstrate two things. Not only have they totally and utterly missed the point of many aspects of the therapy (or, as is often the case, deliberately missed the point), but they are also pleased that the therapy didn�t work for them. Indeed, to them, homosexuality is a nice little comfortable self-pleasuring rut that they are stuck in, and any attempt to escape from it would rob them of their self-gratifying pleasures, as well as what makes them �special� and �different.� They may find the gay lifestyle simply too enjoyable to ever really want to leave. ******* Since they didn�t have any progress, and don�t have the intelligence to understand the therapy, they can�t possibly comprehend how others may have been successful and seen changes. To compensate for their own feelings of failure, they ridicule those who claim they have changed, and ridicule those who attempt to change. The gay world is then seen as a safe, worry-free, and accepting place to run to. Any attack on that safe harbour threatens their fragile emotional state and self-assuredness, and is vehemently defended at all costs. They may then try to �prove� that being gay is good, as if to stick their tongue out and say �Look at me! I am happy!� as if to get revenge on their former associates. Like a difficult child they are taunting �Nah-nah, I�m better than you!� ******* � 2003 - 2004 All rights reserved. Read more at: http://www10.brinkster.com/xgweblog ******* PFOX -- Parents and Friends of Ex-Gays & Gays ******* Box 561, Fort Belvoir VA 22060 ******* 703-360-2225 ******* [email protected] ******* www.pfox.org ******* To subscribe to this list, send a blank email to: [email protected] ******* item 4 BLOG ENTRIES ******* From: "PFOX" ******* Date: Sun, 28 Dec 2003 19:35:52 +0000 ******* Hi, my name is Jake. I'm a young man from the UK. Until very recently I was plagued by gay feelings and had no sexual feelings for girls whatsoever. Thankfully, in March 2003 I discovered a controversial form of psychotherapy called Reparative Therapy. If you don't like being gay, you can attempt to treat the causes of homosexuality, and gradually allow your heterosexual "true self" to appear. The therapy has success rate typical for most forms of psychotherapy, about a third of persons who do it properly and don't give up experience good change. I'm lucky enough to be among those for whom it has worked. Here on this blog I write my daily struggles and successes in my journey out of homosexuality (the word blog means a web-log, like an online diary). To understand where I am in my therapy, you may want to read my below blog entries: ******* Bloody family ******* Oh why oh why does 'family dynamics' play such a large role in my SSA(same sex attractions)? It's not fair. I wish I were one of those guys for whom family dynamics played no role. Dealing with your family is really difficult and can cause much stress and conflict. Like, at the moment, my sister is driving me insane. She's staying over at the moment and all of the past frustrations and arguments I had with her as a child are flooding back to me. She hasn't changed over the years, either. She's still overly-defensive, bitchy, childish, selfish, manipulative, bossy, violent, and can be calm one moment yet screaming and shouting the next. You have to be ultra-careful not to say the wrong thing otherwise she'll hurl abuse at you. She was a highly negative influence on me when I was growing up. Along with her (a bitch), my mother (smothering/posessive), and grandmother (interfering/stupid) the impression I had of women was of smothering and manipulating psychopaths. Couple that with my impression of masculinity from my brother (agressive) and father (distant/uninterested/smelly/weak) and you have a very bad family dynamic, almost custom-made for the development of SSA (of course, family dynamic are never the entire story, however it is a common contributing factor for many men - especially me!). I try to keep my contact with my family as short and authentic as possible. I try not to be bossed about by my sister, smothered and burdened by my mother, and criticised by my father. If I manage to stay in my own "masculine power" (as some would say) and stand on my own two feet as a grown up man, they won't be able to belittle me and make me feel like I'm 1 inch tall, robbing me of any inner sense of masculinity and maturity. Sometimes they make me feel so small and inferior, like a child, that I want to just hand my mother and/or sister a pair of scissors and say "go on then, just cut off my balls and be done with it!!!" The more I am able to stand up to them, the more masculine I feel, and the less compelling my SSA. ******* Not much has happened today, SSA-wise. Since I can't think of anything more to write, here's an entry from my old diary, from when I was 19 years old and leading a gay lifestyle: ******* I had another thought today. This time about my future. Where will I be when I'm say... 50 years old? I'm wondering that because I'm still thinking about the guy I had sex with last week. He was probably in his 50's or late 40's. I thought he was a bit of a perv, but I didn't fully realise how much of a perv he was until yesterday when he called me. He tried to make me hard over the phone. He asked me if I'd spunked for anyone else and told me to 'keep that sweet spunk inside' me for when he next meets me. Bloody hell. That guy is old enough to be my dad! I didn't find his efforts particularly arousing. If anything I can't believe I ever met him, never mind had sex with him. I feel SICK. But anyway, I digress. That man made me think about myself. Do I really want to be like him when I'm 50 years old? Do I want to be an old perv who tries to get 19 year old lads hard over the phone? Do I want to become someone who's main pleasure in life is sexual encounters? Right now the greatest pleasures in my life are learning new things, accomplishing tasks (i.e. programming), making true friends, and taking healthy exercise. I think I am a pretty well-rounded individual (despite my actions over the recent years). .... Despite my rant a few days ago, I think I am a very happy person. And thats why I really really really DON'T want to become like him - or like any of the other raving queens down the gay bar. I'm not sure where I want to be when I'm 50 years old. But I sure know where I don't want to be. I don't want my main pleasure in life to be sex. I don't want to use other people for what they have. I don't want to be assimilated into the screaming-bitchy-selfish-dramaQueen gay culture. I don't want to be them. I'd rather be me. ******* I thought I was rather a happy person back then. How wrong I was! I was miserable. Being heterosexual is 10x better. I don't miss my old homosexual desires at all. Reparative Therapy saved my life. Yet, I've still got a long way to go. I'm sure that after another year has passed by, I will be even happier with my new sexual orientation. ******* Sleeping around I was just thinking about how horrible it used to be when I would sleep around with other guys. You'd start off by craving the love, attention, and power that only another man can give you - sexually. There's a great excitement at "hooking up" and meeting. After some initial small talk, you get down to business and satisfy your emotional and sexual cravings. The release of tension is enormous. However, after you're finished, you go home (or the other person leaves to go to their home). And suddenly you're right back to square one, in the exact same situation you were to begin with. You're alone. While you may have experienced that great sexual "love" with another man, by the time you're due to go to bed, you go to bed alone with no one to "love" you. You're still alone. You still crave that intimacy. You're still just as unloved as before. If the person you've hooked up with stays the night, it's not really intimacy and love. You don't even know the person. In fact, in the back of your mind you have the niggling doubt that you can't be sure if you can totally trust the person, either. If you cuddle up in bed together, it's not due to love, intimacy, or knowing each other well, but simply a mutual agreement to provide what each other wants. Sleeping around provides no lasting feeling of being loved, creates no deep authentic friendships, and leaves one feeling just as empty as one felt to begin with (it's the same story for heterosexuals who sleep around). Of course, gay relationships are a different story. They're torrid love affairs filled with manipulation, fierce attachment, game-playing, and ultimately disillusionment. Still, despite all of the above, when I was acting out and doing those things, I thought I was leading quite a happy life. I felt I could control it, and have a mastery over it, so I would be able to cope with the cold nature of the gay world and come out of it happy, somehow. How wrong I was! I was as miserable as I could be. Of course, I simply didn't know any better. Now that I've seen the "other side of the fence" I can look back and see how terribly empty that life was - as well as the life of every other gay man I've ever known. Since leaving the gay lifestyle, and developing heterosexual feelings thanks to Reparative Therapy, I've never been happier. ******* Father figures ******* I've just finished my therapy session. Today I wanted to explore my father-hunger. That's a thing common to gay men. The thing is, back when I used to "act out" a lot, I would always go for older guys. And I mean much older. Guys old enough to be my dad or grandad! That really used to turn me on. (if that doesn't scream "emotional deficiency" I don't know what does!) Whenever I was tempted to act out I would always think of a particular guy whom I had slept with on several occasions who was much older than me. He wasn't anything stunning, physically. He didn't have any particularly good qualities. In fact, he used me and abused me. But somehow that felt good. The more he abused me and the more he used me like a piece of meat, the more satisfying it was. Of course, this was all terribly unhealthy, and I knew it. So anyway, today I decided to investigate this further with my therapist. Sure enough, my original thoughts were correct. It's all down to my father-hunger. The more he used me, the more attention he paid me. The more he abused me, the more close I felt to him. Even though he forced me to do things I didn't want to do, he made me feel special. I was like an older man had finally wanted to be intimate with me. ******* He actually talked to me! He took an interest! My dad never did (and never does - unless he wants money). Of course, the reason he made me feel special and paid a lot of attention to me was probably because he knew he had hit lucky; at the time I was seeing him I was 19 and he was in his late 50's!! But it felt good to have all that attention, intimacy, and even abuse from someone older than me. It was like my father-hunger was satisfied by someone who "loved" me. Yet that was some time ago. Imagine if I had actually had a relationship with that man. I would not be happy. In fact, it was so long ago that I'm sure I would have been dumped by now. I'm sure the abuse wouldn't have always felt good. The "love" would have only lasted as long as I could provide what he wanted from me. He would have soon bored of me. If the relationship had lasted, I'm sure that I would have felt smothered and used. The abuse would have eventually stopped feeling good. It would have turned sour. ******* I'm glad I escaped when I did. And now it hurts to look back and see that I was used by yet another man. Soon I'm going to start some mentorship with some older male family friends who have agreed to help me in my journey out of SSA. They are going to be true father figures to me. They're going to "re-father the adult-child" as my psychotherapy book puts it. They've agreed to spend time with me. To listen to me. To have concern for me. They've told me that they care about me. That's what I really want. An older man to care about me and pay attention to me in the way my father never did. And I'm sure that will be a lot more satisfying, a lot more fulfilling, and more long-lasting, than the temporary feeling of comfort I gained from that old pervert sexually abusing me. ******* "Gay love" is an illusion and relationships don't work "We fell in love. We really did!" said one gay man. Yup, I've been there, done that. Gay love feels great. You first meet a man, who seems to posses everything you could ever want in a guy. You have oh so much in common with each other. You've only known each other for practically 5 minutes, but it doesn't matter - you're in love. You just love the other person to bits. The feelings of loneliness and heartache are gone, all of your emotional needs are met. You own the other person. You do everything together. We're very clinging. We keep a firm and controlling hold on each other. ******* Time passes. The other person becomes more familiar, and less mysterious. You can see his faults, and can also see how he's not quite suited to fulfilling all of your needs as you had previously thought. He no longer seems as attractive. Only the distant "mysterious" males are attractive. However, he continues to fulfill many of your wants, so you keep the relationship going for a while. ******* He's gone out on his own without you. Where is he? What is he doing? Is he masturbating without me? If so, who is he thinking about? Has he cheated on me? Does he still love me? To try and rekindle romantic interest, there is teasing, withdrawal of affection, pretending to be offended, being overly upset, fighting over trivial matters, threats, or denial of sex. The other person then has to �prove� his love for me by making strong affectionate and romantic gestures to make amends. ******* However, I'm starting to feel smothered. I can't do anything without him knowing about it or being with me. He can no longer fulfil all of my wants and needs. There are other men who are more good looking than him. I want to move on and end the relationship. Perhaps I can find someone else who is really perfect for me, who can satisfy my needs, and whom I can love to bits. ******* This is not mature love. Heterosexuals do not fall in love in five minutes. They do not have, on average, relationships lasting just one or two years. This is because "gay love" is "an adolescent sentimentality � puppy love � and erotic craving" that only exists so long as the other person can satisfy one's own needs. The search for love is more the search for a same-sex friend. Its an adolescent craving for affection, driven by self-pity. As Dr Aardweg puts it, "Seeking love as a means of comforting one�s hurts may be passive and ego-centred. The other person is there only to love the �poor me�. This is begging for love, not really mature loving. A homosexual may feel that he is the affectionate, loving, and protective one, but in effect this is a game to attract the other to himself. It is all embedded in sentimentality and is profoundly narcissistic. � what is desired is a close, exclusive, affectionate intimacy, warmth for the poor desolate soul one is." ******* He also says of gay relationships, "the attention-seeking instead of loving; the continuous tensions, generally stemming from the recurrent complaint, You don't love me; the jealousy, which so often suspects, He (she) is more interested in someone else.[It is] neurotic� notwithstanding the shallow pretensions of 'love'. Nowhere is there more self-deception in the homosexual than in his representation of himself as a lover. One partner is important to the other only insofar as he satisfies that other's needs... Homosexual unions are clinging relationships". ******* The Endless Cycle of Gay Love ******* Meet. Fall "in love" almost immediately. Relationship is primarily sexual at first. Sex becomes less frequent, more like friends. Feelings of co-dependence, smothering, possessiveness, and jealousy appear. Interest in a third party and/or bitch arguments end it at a final 'showdown' Go back to step #1 and repeat. ******* "Surely, though, there are some gay couples who have good long-lasting relationships?" you may ask. No, there aren't. Long term gay couples are always � and I stress always � non-exclusive (that means they have sex with other people). The 1984 book Gay Couples reported that 91% of gay couples that had been together for more than 5 years are non-exclusive. One report couldn't find a single gay couple that had been together for longer than 10 years and remained exclusive. In the gay world, finding 'Mr Right' and settling down to a loyal lifelong relationship is nothing more than a fairytale (no pun intended). ******* � 2003 - 2004 All rights reserved. Read more blog diary entries at: http://www10.brinkster.com/xgweblog ******* PFOX -- Parents and Friends of Ex-Gays & Gays ******* Box 561, Fort Belvoir VA 22060 ******* phone 703-360-2225 ******* email [email protected] ******* web www.pfox.org ******* To subscribe to this list, send a blank email to: [email protected] ********************************************************************************************************* ******* item 5 LESBIAN BOOK REVIEW BY JAN CLAUSEN ******* From: "PFOX" ******* Date: Mon, 19 Jan 2004 20:40:47 +0000 ******* Clausen's experience is summarized in a review of her book, Apples and Oranges: My Journey to Sexual Identity, in the nation's largest gay newspaper, The Washington Blade. (The book�Apples and Oranges, by Jan Clausen; Boston: Houghton Mifflin, 1998) ******* "Most Gay people have pondered the following notion, however fleeting or subconscious: What if, after coming out to family, friends, and co-workers, I fall in love with a member of the opposite sex." ******* Clausen, a poet, novelist, and radical Lesbian activist, lived for 12 years with her female lover, raising a daughter with her. Clausen's world shifted in 1986, though, when she fell in love with a man she met on a political trip to Nicaragua. Naturally, the affair had a tempestuous affect on her personal life, but Clausen hadn't imagined that she would be ostracized by the lesbian community." (The Washington Blade, 8-20-99, pg. 43) ******* Curve, a lesbian magazine, adds its analysis: "Jan Clausen was a well-known lesbian author and activist when she shocked many in the gay community by forming a long-term relationship with a man. Her article about it in the now-defunct journal Out/Look, elicited a storm of mail condemning her for betraying her lesbianism. Apples and Oranges tells the fuller story of Clausen's shifting sexuality and raises many questions about how our personal lives and identities overlap and intersect�often in surprising ways�Clausen is also the author of eight previous books that may be familiar to lesbian readers, including The Prosperine Papers. (Curve, May 1999, pg. 34) ******* Out, a best-selling gay magazine also comments. "After 10 years of partnership with a woman, Clausen fell in love with a man. Her lesbian community rejected her, and their dismissal was more harrowing than her coming out had been. Now she offers her interracial, het relationship as a radical form of sexuality that is yes, straight, but no, not a patriarchal evil. Gender, she claims, should be the focus of sexual politics rather than categories like `straight' and `gay.' Point well taken�" (Out, March 1999, pgs. 86-87) ******* Clausen's story has been widely discussed in the gay community. Notice how the gay community has reacted to her story. No one doubts that this change has taken place; that fact is not even challenged by gay activists. Nor do gay activists claim that a discussion of the phenomenon will cause hated and violence against gays; nor that gays, particularly teens, will now engage in a rash of suicides. Because they know that such public propaganda claims are false. ******* Clausen's own description of this earth-shaking heterosexual event in her lesbian life is most enlightening: "In July 1987, in a war zone in northern Nicaragua, after a dozen years of intense coupledom with my lover Leslie Kaplow and slightly more than that of intensive lesbian feminist activism on literary and political fronts, I got involved with a man. `I got involved.' How pale and nervous the words ring,like a gauzy cloak obscuring facts that ought to be more frankly stated. `Got involved,' `fell in love,' `became attracted to'�- euphemisms all. But what are the facts? Some would say (have said) she left a woman for a man. Some would say betrayed her people. ******* At the time, I was thirty-seven years old. Since age twenty-five I had been firmly attached to Leslie, and to her daughter, Emma, who was now a high school senior. Both my extensive political commitments and my growing reputation as a poet and novelist were completely bound up with my lesbian identity. Any sex outside my `marriage' would have meant trouble, but lying naked with a male stranger in our family's Brooklyn apartment while Les was at a New Jewish Agenda conference in L.A. was like deliberately embarking on a sea cruise off the edge of a flat earth." (Apples and Oranges, pg. xv; emphasis by the author) ******* She tells of the emotional impact this affair provoked: "But now the pain I was experiencing as what had seemed a solid identity unraveled, leaving a vertiginous absence of plausible narrative structure�Surely it couldn't put me through any more mental anguish than what I'd felt weeping in a shabby hotel room where my new male lover and I had spent an ardent weekend, as I bitterly confessed, `I hate the institution of hetero-sexuality�and I'm in love with you.'" (Ibid., pgs. xvii�xviii; emphasis Clausen's) ******* Two other lesbians have given Clausen insight on the problem of fluid sexual identity: "In The Girls Next Door: Into the Heart of Lesbian America (1996), the lesbian journalists Pamela Brandt and Lindsy Van Gelder address some of the perplexities�In a chapter entitled `Everybody Out of the Gene Pool,' they forthrightly acknowledge that many lesbians have experienced some degree of satisfaction in sexual and romantic relationships with men�' `if there's a single word that describes much of female sexuality, gay or straight, it's `"fluidity."' And they admit `The trickiest part is that no one in our community knows precisely what anyone else means when she describes herself as a lesbian, a bisexual, or a heterosexual!'"(Ibid., pgs. xxiv�xxv) ******* Jan Clausen concludes: "�I think it's fine to be straight or gay by choice. What's not okay is to lie about the complex attractions that often culminate in simple labels. What's unacceptable is to bully the border-crossers. What's got to stop is the rigging of history to make the either/or look permanent and universal. I understand why this argument may seem dangerous to erotic outsiders for whom the public assertion of a coherent, unchanging lesbian or gay identity has proved an indispensable tactic in the battle against homophobic persecution." (Ibid., pgs. xxviii�xxix) ******* Even Clausen admits that the "born gay" claim is a "lie." In the last paragraph, Clausen seems to be saying, "We know we're lying, but isn't our lie working well!" ("Erotic outsiders" are gays and lesbians). ******* Lesbian poet Audre Lorde's words in her poem, Between Ourselves, are cited by Clausen: "I do not believe our wants have made all our lies holy. (Ibid., pg. xxix) ### ******* PFOX -- Parents and Friends of Ex-Gays & Gays ******* Box 561, Fort Belvoir VA 22060 ******* 703-360-2225 ******* [email protected] ******* www.pfox.org ******* To subscribe to this list, send a blank email to: [email protected] ********************************************************************************************************* ******* item 6 FAMOUS FORMER LESBIANS ******* from: "PFOX" ******* Date: Tue, 3 Feb 2004 00:06:06 +0000 ******* JoAnn Loulan Changes Her Genes ******* Another prominent lesbian who has fallen in love with a man is psychotherapist JoAnn Loulan. Loulan has appeared on the Oprah show and on ABC�s �20-20� program to talk about this change. However, no one has questioned the reality of Loulan�s change in her �orientation,� nor claimed that Loulan�s public appearances on immensely popular national television programs have incited violence against gays, or have caused gay suicide. That�s because gay activists know that these propaganda claims are totally false�intended to demonize their opponents and thus suppress dissent against gay propaganda. Loulan�s story follows, in some detail. ******* �Lesbian sexpert JoAnn Loulan falls in love with a man,� blares a headline in The Advocate(see the front cover for the 2-18-97 issue). As a �lesbian� psychotherapist, Loulan had done a definitive study of over 1500 lesbians (published as Lesbian Passion). Let�s let The Advocate tell the story: �She�s long been considered a leading authority on lesbian sex, having penned what many consider the definitivesexual handbooks for lesbians. She�s been on The Oprah Winfrey Show, Donahue, and Geraldo. As a respected therapist, she�s lectured at the medical school of the University of California, San Francisco, as well as throughout the country. For 22 years she�s been an in-your-face gay rights activist, serving on the board of directors for the National Center for Lesbian Rights for a time. But now she�s done something more controversial than being a pioneer in the arena of lesbian lovemaking. JoAnn Loulan is making love to a man. �I know that to others�and to myself, in some respects, partof this feels like I�m cavorting with the enemy,� Loulan says. �What can I say? It doesn�t feel like this particular person is the enemy. But I also understand that I have broken one of our lesbian cultural Taboos.�� (The Advocate, 2-18-97, pg. 41) ******* Loulan has served on the board of directors for the National Center for Lesbian Rights�a group which has pressured the American Psychiatric Association to come out against change from homosexuality through �reparative therapy.� (The Advocate, 12-28-93, pg. 40) Paradoxically, adding to this curious mix is an article written for a gay magazine by the NCLR�s director, Kate Kendall, arguing that �sexual orientation� is not fixed! (Frontiers, 4-19-95, pg. 31) ******* What happened to JoAnn? Did she change her genes? Did she grow a new hypothalamus? Lesbian psychotherapist Jackie Black (a regular columnist for the Lesbian News magazine) gives her opinion: �Lesbian therapist and advice columnist, Jackie Black says she has counseled a number of self-identified lesbians who found themselves in relationships with men under a variety of different circumstances. �Sexuality is not static�it�s fluid,� says Black, who believes that Loulan may have simply grown into another aspect of herself. �All of JoAnn�s writings implore us to live our passions, to tell the truth about who we are. She says that whoever we are is OK, and I think that�s what she�s doing. Her passion has taken her in a different direction at this time in her life. She has the courage to risk being judged probably very harshly.�� (The Advocate, 2-18-97, pg. 42) ******* There has been a range of reactions to Loulan�s newfound attraction to men. Excerpts of several letters to the editor of The Advocate follow: �If you�re a dyke, you�re a dyke, and if you�re a breeder, then stop lying about it�and stop insulting my intelligence. Count this lesbian among Loulan�s ex-fans.� (The Advocate, 3-18-97, p.5) ******* If we vilify JoAnn Loulan for following (we presume) her heart into a relationship with a man, then we are truly no better than those people in our own lives who sought to oppress or harm us as we went through our own coming-out processes. JoAnn, do what makes you happy. I for one will respect you as a friend to our community either way.� (Ibid. pg. 4) ******* JoAnn Loulan, goddess of lesbian sex, dating a man�is nothing sacred? Actually, anyone who writes a book with a hot pink cover and the word LESBIAN on it in big, bold print can�t be all that bad, no matter whom she dates. Now, if Martina starts dating men�� (Ibid.) ******* But the most interesting response comes from Del Martin and Phyllis Lyon, founders of the earliest lesbian organization, �Daughters of Bilitis,� and who are authors of several books on lesbianism and are lesbian activists: �Loulan expressed anxiety over how her lesbian fans would react to the news that she is dating a man. Count us in the �So what?� category. In the introduction to our book Lesbian/Woman we stated that a lesbian is a woman whose primary erotic, psychological, emotional, and social interest is in her own sex, even though that interest may not be overtly expressed. By her own statement, �I�m not into men. My culture is really lesbian- and woman- tified,� Loulan still qualifies. One of the problems we have encountered in various lesbian groups is setting rigid codes of behavior, dress, and roles. We did not rebel against the heterosexual conformity of women�s roles only to be saddled with conformist notions of what it is to be a lesbian. Over the years we have fought for choice, for individuality, and for being who we really are. To us, JoAnn, you are a lesbian leader in the field of sex education. With passion, humor, and sensitivity, you have given lesbians across the country the right to their own sexuality. To your critics we say, �It�s your turn to give back.�� (Ibid., pg. 4) ******* You never hear such gay acceptance toward a change in sexual preferences when a �gay� person is in public trying to score some propaganda points, for political support. �Identity politics� will not allow that! You do not win public support for �gay rights� by admitting that people are flexible and can change sexually; gay activists feel they must forcefully deny this reality publicly although they accept it privately. ******* They must lie publicly. Again, even Loulan�s critics never accuse her of fostering hatred and violence against gays, nor of provoking gay suicide. ******* Denial and Anger ******* Some gays have become upset by such revelations of sexual fluidity: �While Holliman seems to be amused by the reactions to her bisexual behavior, JoAnn Loulan isn�t. When Loulan, a longtime lesbian activist and the author of Lesbian Sex, became involved with a man and decided to talk about it, she subsequently received a great deal of criticism from other lesbians. (On Oprah she jokingly called her relationship �deviant behavior�).� (The Advocate, 6-24-97, pg. 33) ******* Jan Clausen also received an angry reaction from some in the gay community-- �After 12 years in a lesbian marriage, Jan Clausen fell in love with a man. Since her identities as writer and lesbian were intertwined, all hell broke loose. Clausen�s books are yanked off college reading lists. She loses friends, community, and status. One feels sympathy for a good writer ostracized from the culture she helped create. �Leaving a woman for a man,� she muses, �is still the lesbian equivalent of a mortal sin.� Nevertheless, Clausen�s tone is evenhanded. Nowadays she believes that sexuality is fluid; she refuses to label herself lesbian, straight, or bisexual. She writes: �Who I am is not a noun, but a narrative.�� (The Advocate, 4-27-99, pg. 88) ******* These expressions of angry denial express a lack of confidence in �sexual orientation�. Experiences like Clausen�s are a threat to the "gay rights movement.� ******* Lessons From Loulan ******* What can we learn from the experience of JoAnn Loulan and other former lesbians? If they can make such a dramatic affectional change, spontaneously, then a motivated �lesbian� or �gay� could also make equally significant changes through therapy if they so choose. And our approach to handling school children with same-sex attractions can also be directed toward offering them heterosexual alternatives. Offering changes into heterosexuality is the truly compassionate approach. ********************************************************************************************************* ******* item 7 ILLINOIS FAMILY GROUP INVITES DAY OF SILENCE STUDENTS TO HEAR EX-HOMOSEXUAL ******* Date: Wed, 13 Apr 2005 ******* From: "Mission America" ******* Illinois Family Institute Breaks 'Day of Silence,' Invites Chicagoland Students to Hear Testimony of Former Homosexual Stephen Bennett ******* Hundreds of Glenbard West High School Students Reached with Truth that 'Gays' Can Change ******* Contact: Illinois Family Institute, 630-790-8370; David Smith, 773-858-6602; Erin Joyce, 847-754-5984 ******* GLEN ELLYN, Il., April 13 /Christian Wire Service/ -- Illinois Family Institute took advantage of a rare 'Day of Silence" for pro-homosexual school activists today by inviting students across Chicagoland to hear the testimony of former homosexual Stephen Bennett, who will be speaking this week on the reality of change for people struggling with same-sex desires. ******* Illinois Family Executive Director Peter LaBarbera and IFI Youth Coordinator Erin Joyce went to Glenbard West High School in Glen Ellyn, passing out fliers inviting students to "Come Hear the Other Side to the 'Day of Silence'�Learn the Truth: Nobody has to be 'Gay.'" ******* The fliers contained tracts with former homosexual Stephen Bennett's testimony (www.sbministries.org). On Thursday evening at 6:30, IFI will sponsor a Bennett presentation at Wheaton Evangelical Free Church at 520 E. Roosevelt Rd in Wheaton, and on Friday night at 6:00, he will speak at Christian Liberty Academy at 502 W. Euclid Ave., Arlington Heights, Il. (See www.illinoisfamily.org for more details.) ******* Many students accepted the fliers while others did not. Some were decidedly intolerant, yelling vulgarities at those passing out information. ******* Glenbard West listed the "Day of Silence" on its school calendar, and in past years has seen strong support for the pro-homosexual event in which participating students take a vow of silence to protest the alleged "silencing" of homosexuals worldwide. ******* Another group of concerned moms stood outside Glenbard West greeting students with signs such as "Parents Have a Right to Know" and "Your Tax Dollars at Work: No Talking Today." ******* IFI also be visiting the pro-homosexual "Night of Noise" rally tonight in Chicago (5:30 at the State of Illinois Building) to invite pro-"gay" students to hear another viewpoint by attending one of Bennett's talks. "Night of Noise" is sponsored by the Gay, Lesbian and Straight Education Network (GLSEN) of Chicago, a Day of Silence sponsor that promotes the acceptance of homosexuality, bisexuality and transsexuality in Chicago-area schools. ******* IFI's LaBarbera said students need much more "silence" from "gay" activist students and teachers�and less "silence" regarding the severe health risks associated with homosexual behaviors. ******* "The deafening silence among pro-gay elites�in the education system and among the media�is their failure to communicate the enormous health risks of homosexual sexual practices, especially among males," LaBarbera said. "It's politically correct to say that all sexual behaviors carry risks, but clearly some are more risky than others. ******* One homosexual writer, Jack Hart, describes anal sex and another perversion common among male homosexuals as "highly efficient ways of transmitting disease." (see full quote below). ******* "Amazingly, liberal educators pat each other on the back for being 'gay'-affirming even as homosexuals continue to die young due to their unnatural and dangerous lifestyle," LaBarbera said. ******* He said students deserve better than another pro-homosexual propaganda exercise: "Instead, they need to be told the truth: that homosexual acts are life-threatening; that homosexuality and gender confusion are not inborn but are changeable behaviors; and that this lifestyle is immoral and against God's created order." ******* "The good news is that God loves people caught up in homosexuality enough to help them overcome it, hence the existence of thousands of ex-'gays' and ex-lesbians," LaBarbera said. ******* LaBarbera said he hopes that students from Chicagoland schools who favor diversity or are questioning their sexual identity will come and hear the presentations by Bennett, who once considered himself "gay" but not is married to wife Irene and the father of two children. Through his worldwide Christian ministry, Bennett reaches out to others who are struggling with homosexuality and sexual brokenness. ******* Health Information Resources ******* As a resource on the dangers of homosexuality, LaBarbera suggested Dr. John Diggs' "The Health Risks of Gay Sex," available online through the Corporate Resource Council at: http://www.corporateresourcecouncil.org/white_papers/Health_Risks.pdf. ******* Also, the following is the full quotation by "gay" writer Jack Hart, available on the Culture & Family Institute's website at http://www.cwfa.org/articles/3962/CFI/cfreport/: ******* QUOTE: Sodomy: Efficient Disease Transmitter ******* [Warning: upsetting material] ******* The following excerpt comes not from Rev. Jerry Falwell or the "religious right," but a homosexual writer, Jack Hart: ******* "Many sexually transmitted diseases (STD's) occur more often among gay men than in the general population. Several factors contribute to this difference: Gay men have the opportunity to engage in sex with more people than do most heterosexual men, and some practices common in the gay community -- especially rimming ["gay" slang for oral-anal stimulation] and anal intercourse [sodomy] -- are highly efficient ways of transmitting disease�."-- Jack Hart, author, Gay Sex: A Manual for Men Who Love Men (Allyson Publications: Boston, 1991), p. 156, in section on "Sexually Transmitted Disease." The writer goes on to write that "the increasing acceptance of safer sex" has lessened the spread of STD's, and then discusses the "most common" sex-transmitted diseases other than HIV confronting homosexual men, including: chlamydia, crab lice, giardiasis, gonorrhea, hepatitis-A and -B, herpes simplex, nongonococcal urethritis, scabies, syphilis, and venereal warts. ******* IFI is a non-profit, non-partisan group affiliated with Focus on the Family, Family Research Council and Alliance Defense Fund that protects marriage, family and the sanctity of life in Illinois. IFI, www.illinoisfamily.org, (630)790-8370, 799 Roosevelt Rd., Suite3-208, Glen Ellyn, IL 60137. E-mail: [email protected]. ******* Christian Communication Network, 2020 Pennsylvania Avenue NW, Washington DC 20006, 202.546.0054, www.ChristianWireService.com ******* Mail service for Mission America provided by American Family Online www.afo.net ******* Mission America, www.missionamerica.com ********************************************************************************************************* ******* item 8 I DO EXIST ******* From: "PFOX" ******* Date: Mon, 28 Jun 2004 ******* Hiding Truth From School Kids: It's Elementary Revisited ******* By Warren Throckmorton, PhD ******* �It's Elementary: Talking About Gay Issues in School� is an award winning video that aims to give teachers ideas about how to discuss gay issues in schools. Released in 1996 by producers Helen Cohen and Oscar winner Debra Chasnoff, this video is still quite controversial, in part because it shows elementary school children talking about homosexuality in public schools. In one of the segments, there is a young gay man answering questions from middle school students about what it is like to be gay. The film is still being shown in schools, but there is a little known fact about that young man that today's viewers don't know. The young man in the video is no longer gay. And that is something producers Chasnoff and Cohen as well as at least one school committee in Maryland don't want you to know. ******* Noe' Gutierrez, the young man that told his story in the video, came out as gay at 16 but then came out again as ex-gay at 24. On �It's elementary,� he was filmed speaking to a San Francisco area middle school on behalf of Community United Against Violence. Mr. Gutierrez was quite involved in gay advocacy and frequently spoke publicly on this topic. However, about six years, ago Mr. Gutierrez went through a period of re-evaluation and change. The end result was his change of sexual identity from gay to straight. Without fanfare, Mr. Gutierrez went through a profound experience of transformation and after a while of working through his experience, began telling others of his change. ******* When ex-gay spokesman John Paulk went into Mr. P's gay bar in Washington D.C. several years ago, the country knew about it. Even though Mr. Paulk did not fall sexually and is still happily married to former lesbian Anne Paulk, the media turned his lapse of judgment into a referendum on ex-gay ministries. When Mr. Gutierrez came out a second time as ex-gay, no one wrote about it, even though in the eyes of many people, what he did was a nearly impossible accomplishment. Amazingly, certain people want his story to stay unknown. ******* For instance, take filmmakers Chasnoff and Cohen. When I began putting together plans to produce a video about gay-to-straight change, I asked Ms. Chasnoff for permission to use the clip of Mr. Gutierrez talking to the middle school students. She refused without giving reason. I suppose she may feel that others knowing of his change would undermine her project. ******* Another group that does not want to disclose Mr. Gutierrez�s story is the Montgomery County (Md.) Citizen�s Advisory Committee for Family Life and Human Development. �It�s Elementary� is a video resource used in the Montgomery County school district. However, Mr. Gutierrez wrote a letter requesting that if �It�s Elementary� is used, students should be made aware that he is no longer gay. Seems fair enough. He wants the rest of the story known and this seems a fair way to do it. Simply tell the students or teachers that Mr. Gutierrez is no longer gay and show the film. The objective of tolerance for all people would seem to be enhanced by such a procedure. However, the school committee refused to approve the letter as a resource for teachers to use with the film. Thus, students or teachers viewing this film would have no idea that one of the speakers describing what it is like to be gay is no longer gay. Why withhold this information? Why would anyone want to hide the facts from teachers and students that people change? ******* Whatever the reasons for the reluctance of the school committee and filmmakers to allow the reality of change to be known, Mr. Gutierrez has not remained silent. He has joined an ever growing group of former homosexuals who are telling their stories. In fact, Noe� Gutierrez and four other ex-gays tell their stories on the new video documentary, "I Do Exist." If high schools want their teachers to be prepared to discuss gay issues in schools, it�s elementary that all the facts come out. ----------------------------------------------------------- Warren Throckmorton is Director of College Counseling and an Associate Professor of Psychology at Grove City College. Professor and columnist, Dr. Throckmorton's articles have been carried by over 40 newspapers. Learn about the new video documentary "I Do Exist" at www.idoexist.net ******* He may be contacted via his website at www.drthrockmorton.com ********************************************************************************************************* ******* item 9 ANITA BRYANT WAS RIGHT - By a former lesbian ******* From: "PFOX" ******* Date: 4 Mar 2003 ******* It was 1977 or 78 and I was all of 36, living with another woman in a behavior which has never been approved of in all of history. Like today's lesbian and many who have been deceived by them, I believed that God had made me this way; that is, I was born this way. Ready to fight anyone who said differently, so I sure wasn't ready for the reddish haired woman who was already popular for her singing voice, a voice and a face that suddenly appeared in all the newspapers and news casts everywhere. ******* Anita Bryant was born in Alabama in 1940, one year before me. She was a conservative Baptist believer in the Word of God. She grew into a very pretty young lady as Miss Oklahoma and tied for Miss Congeniality in the Miss America pageant. She dominated the limelight with songs like, "Til There Was You" and "Paper Moon," both my favorites. She was the lovely of choice during presidential occasions and political hobnobs. Arthur Godfrey loved her and had her on his show often. ******* There she was, Anita Bryant the orange juice queen, making herself a bigger name by campaigning against gay people like me. What had caused this popular singer to beat on people who just wanted to be accepted into society? Why did she think we were so threatening that she stirred people to come out against our recent gain of an anti-discrimination ordinance? Yes, that's what she did. Her words got people mustered up to demand that this protective ordinance for gays be thrown out. All this angered me at the time because I thought she hated lesbians like me. ******* Anita started the organization known as " Save Our Children" due to the talk about gay influence of kids. According to the News, Anita Bryant had many death threats sent to her. She was hit in the face once with a pie by a gay activist and even though many laughed, I felt sad for her. Not long after this incident, her marriage and career came crashing down. ******* Today I look back through eyes that have experienced the madness of that �gay� lifestyle and a heart that has known our creator. I wish it was back then and Anita was about to start her fight. If that were the case, I would be on a fast flight to Miami tonight. Having said it many times before, I will say it again. America wouldn't be in such a mess right now had our churches been more supportive of Anita Bryant. However, at the time I was relieved that this was not the case. To many she looked like a woman who had a personal vendetta. But had we been able to see today's society, perhaps it would have been different. ******* The saddest thing is that many of those homosexuals who protested against Anita Bryant are not alive today. They died of AIDS. Jan ******************************************************************************************************** ******* item 10 LINKS ******* former homosexual Stephen Bennett's testimony (www.sbministries.org). ******* www.illinoisfamily.org ******* "The Health Risks of Gay Sex," http://www.corporateresourcecouncil.org/white_papers/Health_Risks.pdf. ******* Culture & Family Institute's website at http://www.cwfa.org/articles/3962/CFI/cfreport/: ******* "I Do Exist" at www.idoexist.net ******* www.drthrockmorton.com ******* http://www.changeispossible.org.uk ******* PFOX -- Parents and Friends of Ex-Gays & Gays, [email protected], www.pfox.org ********************************************************************************************************

Links to other sites on the Web

(A3e2a) homosexuality as a medical disorder - from the National Association for Research and Therapy of Homosexuality web site
(A3e2b) (A4a2) sexual disorientation
(A3e2c) Exodus International
(A3e2d) Stephen Bennet Ministries web site
(A3e2e) ex homosexuals
(A3e2f) (A) home page of this web site (life and death activities)

The following warning is a prophetic message given to me, Frank Wagner, in November of 1974. ******* LISTEN TO THE CRY OF THE ABORTED CHILDREN. THEIR CRY IS NO. THEIR CRY IS A CRY OF TERROR. HEED THEIR CRY. ******* This prophecy is now being fulfilled. ******* For details about the source, meaning and fulfillment of this prophetic message go to ******* http://ca.geocities.com/fwagner4/index.html ******* email me at *** [email protected] ***