“Yeah, I pretty much know what’s yours. Nick, I know we’ve talked about this a lot, but are sure you want to do this?” Brian asked quietly.

            “I love him, Brian. You know that, I know that, he knows that. Hell, the whole fucking world knows that, but I can’t stay with him. It’s like I don’t exist, B. He’s hurting so much and he doesn’t talk to me at all about it. It’s like we don’t hurt too. I loved Ann, Brian. She was like my mother. When she died, I was devastated too, but I talked to people about it, about her. He won’t talk to anyone. Not even me and he claims to love me!” Nick said. “I’m not saying it’s completely over. I’m just… I can’t live there right now when he acts like I don’t exist outside of public. You’ve seen him. He’s like a ghost if there’s no one around. I won’t do it, Brian. I just won’t,” Nick said harshly

            “Okay.  I’ll go on over there now and grab your stuff. I told him I’d come by today anyway. AJ said to call him if you were up to some B-ball or some stuff like that,” Brian said, standing up.

            “Okay. Is he at Sarah’s or his house?” Nick said, grabbing the portable.

            “Sarah’s. They’re coming for dinner tonight by the way. Um, could you tell Leigh I’ll be back by 6 when she gets back from the set?” Brian said, grabbing his keys.

            “No prob. Thanks, B,” Nick said while listening to the phone ring. “Hey, Bone, come play some ‘station with me,” Nick said into the phone, waving good-bye to Brain.

 

AT KEVIN’S HOUSE

            “Hey, cuz,” Brian said, walking in the kitchen without knocking. Kevin was sitting at the kitchen table in a pair of Nick’s sweat pants and a ratty T-shirt. He didn’t say anything to Brian. “I’m fine thanks for asking,” Brian said sarcastically. “I’m here to get his stuff, so I’ll be in his closet if you decide you’d actually like to talk to me,” Brian said annoyed and walked out of the kitchen and upstairs to the master bedroom and into Nick’s closet, which was a disaster area, which was usual for Nick. He dug around and found a couple of bags and packed Nick’s clothes, taking all the clothes he knew Nick loved. He also grabbed some nicer stuff for when they had to work. Brian puttered around the master bedroom and bathroom, grabbing Nick’s stuff for the better part of two hours then went to bring the 5 bags down to his car.

            Brian wanted to just write Kevin off as an asshole and leave without saying anything to him, but he couldn’t. As much as he was angry with Kevin, he was his cousin and Brian did love him, so after putting Nick’s stuff in his car he went back into the living room to talk to him.

            “You know we all loved your mom too. Especially Nick. That boy lost his mother when he told her about you two and Ann didn’t think twice about adopting him as her own. He’s hurting too. We’re all hurting too. The only difference is we’re willing to let the people we love help us,” Brian said, sitting on the chair opposite of where Kevin was sitting curled up on the couch. “Kevin, I know you feel lost. And I can’t pretend to understand what it feels like to lose both your parents, but please talk to me. If you won’t talk to Nick, at least talk to me. Hell, talk to anyone,” Brian said desperately.

            “I don’t know who I am anymore,” Kevin said quietly. “I was so used to being able to call her for anything I needed. She would drop everything and come to me. If I was hurt, she would kiss it and make it better. If I was scared, she would stay with me until I wasn’t. If I was happy, she would celebrate with me. With US! Who will do that now?” Kevin asked, looking up at Brian with tears pooling in his eyes.

            “Oh, Kevin! I don’t know. I guess no one in the way that Ann did. But you got to understand that there are other people around you who are willing to go to the ends of the earth for you. Nick especially,” Brian said.

            “I feel lost around him, B. I’ve never felt like that before and I don’t know why I do. I just do. I look at him and God I love him. I don’t know what my role is anymore,” Kevin said, letting the tears in his eyes spill over.

            Brian sat with him for the most of the afternoon. They talked periodically, but most of the time they just sat silently, Brian letting Kevin know he was there if he needed him.

           

On his drive home, Brian thought about what Kevin had said about not knowing what his role was anymore and Brian guessed he kind of understood to a point. Kevin had always been the daddy to the group, especially with Nick. Once the two of them had become a couple, Kevin’s role shifted but he still always took care of Nick. He was the strong one. When Jane had a fit, Kevin was there. When the public found out, Kevin was there. When Nick lost his voice for three months after a car accident, Kevin was there. All those times Kevin was there standing strong for not only the guys, but Nick too. And now, when it was Kevin who was knocked down and needing help getting up, he didn’t know how to ask for help. He hadn’t ever really needed to before.

            The next couple of days were pretty quiet, all five guys going about their business doing stuff for the group, doing stuff for themselves, and being as supportive as possible of Nick and Kevin. None of the three others took sides. They knew that siding with either Kevin or Nick wouldn’t help the situation, although it took a lot for AJ to go over to the house and see how Kevin was doing. He wasn’t going to lie to anyone, especially Nick and Kevin. He was pissed off, but AJ also wasn’t so much of an asshole that he couldn’t see that Kevin was hurting too. So he spent time with him, doing whatever Kevin wanted which usually involved some type of work much to AJ’s chagrin.

            That weekend Nick got to see Aaron and BJ when Aaron was in town for some Disney thing. Since BJ had graduated from high school and didn’t want to go to college, she’d often times go out with Aaron as his guardian to give both her parents and Aaron a break.

            “Nick!” Aaron yelled, jumping down off the stage and up into Nick’s arms after he noticed Nick, Brian and Leighanne walking towards the stage set up for the concert he was giving. Even though Aaron was 14, he still wasn’t old enough to shy away from the fact he loved his brother and missed him terribly now that they were apart so much. He didn’t care if he acted like a “baby.”

            “Hey, buddy! What’s up?” Nick asked, laughing as he let Aaron down.

            “Nothing much. I have like 10 more minutes of sound check then I’m done till the concert. We can hang out. Where’s Kev?” Aaron asked. Kevin was like another big brother to him, as were the other guys.

            “We’ll talk about it later. Go finish up so we can hang out,” Nick said and Aaron was off. The three of them grabbed seats in the chairs set up, waiting for Aaron to show up.

            “Hey there, big brother,” BJ said, walking up to the three of them.

            “Hey, Beej. How are you?”  Nick asked, standing up to hug her.

            “I’m okay. How are you?” BJ asked carefully. When BJ had called to talk to Nick about seeing them, Nick had told her what had gone down. And she was worried about her big brother.

            “I’m hanging in there. Thanks. What’s the schedule this afternoon?” Nick asked after BJ had said hello to Brian and Leighanne.

            “After sound check he’s cool for like three hours. Um…he has a meet and greet at 5:30 then there is some Jive thing tonight I’m supposed to take him to,” BJ said, hoping she had it all right. She didn’t have the planner Jane had sent her with in front of her so she couldn’t be sure.

            “Yeah, we have that too. It’s over at Planet Hollywood. Everyone will be there. It will be cool,” Brian said.

            They talked for another couple of minutes until Aaron was done. “Nick, Brian, lets go. I want to go on Space Mountain. I haven’t been on a long time,” Aaron said, practically jumping up and down.

            Nick looked at Brian and grinned genuinely “Well then, Space Mountain here we come!” Nick said and the three of them took off. Just before they were out of earshot, Nick turned to BJ. “I’ll have him back by 4:45, I promise!” Nick yelled and they were off, trailed by 4 very large security guards. BJ and Leighanne just laughed and ended up going to one of the hotels and sitting by the pool and relaxing, giving the boys time to play and talk.

            After three times on Space Mountain, Aaron was ready to do something else, so they went all over the Magic Kingdom, going on rides till Aaron was tired and hungry so they decided to go back to the hotel and grab some room service.

            “So where’s Kevin? Did he have work?” Aaron asked.

            “No, he didn’t have to work. Aaron, Kevin and I broke up,” Nick said quietly.

            “What? Why?! Did he cheat on you?” Aaron asked accusingly. He may have been only 14, but he was still profusely protective of Nick after what happened with their mother.

            “No, he didn’t cheat me. We were just not getting along that well and I decided that I needed some time alone,” Nick said.

            “But don’t you love Kevin?” Aaron asked.

            “Yeah, I do. I think I always will, but we just need some time,” Nick said.

            “All right,” Aaron said then sat quietly for a minute thinking then thoughtfully looked up at his big brother, his hero. “You’re okay, right?” Aaron asked and that’s all it took for Nick to start crying.

            Nick hugged Aaron close to him as tears ran down his face. “I’m okay, Aaron. I’m sad and I miss him, but I’m okay,” Nick said, hugging Aaron.

Aaron nodded and hugged Nick back then looked over at Brian who was sitting across the room reading his book, giving the two brothers some privacy.

“Brain, you’re taking care of him right?” Aaron asked. Ever since the whole fiasco with his mother, Aaron had always worried that Nick wouldn’t be taken care of. Because in his brain, who took care of you if your mother wouldn’t?

            “Yeah, AC. I’m taking care of him. Leighanne is having quite a lot of fun babying him,” Brian said, laughing.

            “Good,” Aaron said simply. The conversation was lost a couple of minutes later when their food arrived and the rest of the afternoon was spent horsing around and playing PS2 and Dreamcast, two of the systems Nick had given Aaron that he took everywhere with him.

            True to his word, Nick had Aaron back at the stage area at 4:45 so that he could get ready for the meet and greet and then the concert.  Nick, Brian and Leighanne stayed around for most of the night, but had to leave half way through the concert to go home and get ready for the appearance that night. Aaron and BJ would be meeting them there. AJ, Howie and Kevin met at Brian’s house where the limo picked them up and took them to the Planet Hollywood, where once again Nick put on an Oscar winning performance.

            “Brian, we have a problem,” Kevin said, coming up to Brian and Leighanne, who were just getting back to the table from dancing a little.

            “What?” Brian asked surprised and a little worried.

            “The Advocate wants to do an interview,” Kevin said.

            “So have them call Jack. He’ll set it up,” Brian said, looking at Kevin weirdly.

            “With just me and Nick,” Kevin said finally.

            “Shit. Kevin we can’t do that to him. The only reason why he’s done okay tonight is cause he’s been avoiding you like the plague,” Brian said.

            “Thank you,” Kevin said sarcastically. “I know that, you idiot. But what are we supposed to do? Just say no? We have no reason to. We’ve always been willing to do interviews. The tour goes up in two weeks, Brian. We’re going to be doing press all next week,” Kevin said.

            “Jesus Christ, Kevin! You so owe me one! Go tell whomever to call Jack and schedule it. I’ll talk to Nick tonight or tomorrow,” Brian said frustrated.

            “Brian, I’m sorry okay. I’m doing the best I can!” Kevin said, sounding hurt.

            “You know what, Kevin? You’re not cause if you were, this never would’ve happened in the first place!” Brian said exasperated and then got up and left the table.

            Brian spent the rest of the night with Nick and Aaron, who were hiding out in the depths of Planet Hollywood so no press would get a picture of them together. Nick did not want Aaron to get in trouble with Jane. That night BJ and Aaron stayed at Brian and Leighanne’s so Aaron and Nick could hang out the next day. Aaron had to work that afternoon. He was flying to New York City that night and who knew when the next time they’d get to see each other would be.

            Brian and Leighanne pretty much stayed out of the three Carter children’s way and let them spend some quality time together before BJ and Aaron had to leave. Then after they were gone, Brian decided to get the Advocate talk over with.

            “Hey, Nick,” Brian said, coming into the living room.

            “Hey, B. What’s up?” Nick asked, pausing the PS2 game.

            “Um, I have to talk to you about something that’s going to be hard,” Brian said with a pained expression on his face as he sat on the couch.

            “What does Kevin need?” Nick said stoically. He knew the minute Brian said that it had to do with Kevin.

            “The Advocate wants an interview,” Brian said quietly

            “And we can’t not do it cause for the past five years when they’ve wanted one, we’ve given one,” Nick stated.

            “We could come up with an excuse,” Brian tried.

            “It wouldn’t work. They’d just ask later down the road. I’d rather get it over with now,” Nick said quietly. “Call Jack and tell him I can do it Thursday morning. Kevin and I were supposed to go out for breakfast with Justin and Chris. It was something we planned a while ago. I’ll call and tell them I’ll see them later,” Nick said, getting up. “I’m going to take a nap. Wake me up for dinner,” Nick said, walking out of the living room.

            “Sure thing bro,” Brian said.