Shea:

 

            “Here’s a couple pillows and a blanket for you, AJ,” I said, handing the items to him. He pulled the hide-a-bed out and sat down.

            “Thanks, Shea,” he replied. “See you in the am.”

            Nick and I walked through the door to my room, closing it behind us. I undressed, changing into sweatpants and a tank top. Nick crawled into be next to me, enveloping me in his warm, secure arms. “Are you okay?” he asked in my ear.

            “I’m fine,” I lied. I was far from fine. I felt completely helpless. I wanted to find the bastard who destroyed my friend’s young life, but everyone was clueless. The police had no leads, and Lauryn couldn’t help at the moment. Plus, I’d overheard the doctor tell Donna that the chances of Lauryn waking up were getting slimmer and slimmer with each passing day. Would I ever see Lauryn’s beautiful smile again? Would I ever hear her voice, her laugh?

            I could hear Nick’s methodical breathing and knew he was asleep, but I wasn’t. Not even close. I glanced at my alarm clock. Three am. I’d been lying here for close to four hours, the thoughts of Lauryn and her attack keeping my mind so preoccupied that I hadn’t even noticed how much time had passed.

            I finally decided that sleep would obviously not be coming to me that night. I unwrapped Nick’s arms from around my waist and slipped on my tennis shoes.

Nick,

Going to the studio to clear my head.

Love, Shea

I laid the note on the table and grabbed my jacket from the closet. As quietly as I could, I crept out the door, closing it behind me.

 

AJ:

 

            I woke to the sound of footsteps in the apartment. My eyes opened just in time to see Shea closing the door as she left. I climbed off the sofa bed and stepped into my jeans lying on the floor. I carelessly chucked tennis shoes on my feet, not bothering to tie the laces, and snatched my jacket from the hall closet. Just as Shea had done moments earlier, I left the apartment.

            When I reached the sidewalk, I scanned left and right for Shea. I spied her walking about a block away, a lone figure on the early morning streets. Her shoulders were hunched over from the chill and grief. Not wanting her to know I was following her, I maintained a safe distance. A distance where I could still see her, but she could not hear me.

            We walked block after block until Shea stopped at the front entrance of La Danse. I watched as she pulled a set of keys from her purse, unlocked the big glass door, and entered the building. A few minutes later I, too, entered La Danse. The only light I saw upon entering the studio came from a brightly lit, mirrored dancing room.

            I gazed in at her unnoticed from the windows surrounding the perimeter as Shea removed her jacket and sweatpants, leaving her in her tank top and underwear, and replaced her tennis shoes with well-worn ballet slippers. She sauntered over to the record player and started the music for Swan Lake.

            I couldn’t take my eyes off her half-naked form jumping and twisting to the flowing melody. Her face was contorted, her mouth scrunched. A single tear ran down her flushed cheek. Suddenly, she landed with a thud on the hard, wooden floor. My heart stopped. Was she hurt? Slowly, she lifted her head and cried into the high ceiling, releasing an agonizing wail, before collapsing on the floor again.

            “Shea,” I whispered, opening the door slightly. She didn’t answer. The only sounds audible were Shea’s muffled sobs and the blank spinning of the record.

            “Shea,” I whispered again, crouching at her side and rubbing my hand on her back.

            She looked up at me with tear-laden eyes, the pain and agony clearly evident on her tortured face. “AJ,” she cried, wrapping her arms around my neck.

            I pulled her close, embracing her tighter and stroking her hair. I kissed her temple lightly, letting my lips linger longer than I had wanted. Shea pushed herself away abruptly and walked to the opposite side of the room.

 

Shea:

 

            I leaned against the wall, my arms folded across my chest. “Shea, talk to me,” AJ demanded gently. I averted my eyes from him, but they found their way back to his big, brown, puppy-dog eyes that seemed to plead with the very core of my aching.

            “I thought that if I were to dance to the song Lauryn and I had leads in, everything would somehow magically reverse itself, and all would be the way it should,” I explained through my tears.

            “Did it help at all?” AJ questioned, rising to his feet and walking slowly toward me.

            “No. It just reinforced the fact that Lauryn isn’t here,” I sniffled.

            “Shea, Lauryn knows how many people out here love her. She won’t go without a struggle,” AJ stated quietly, still moving closer to me. “She won’t go at all,” he added, finally stopping by my side. “Come here,” he ordered softly, holding his arms open.

            Without hesitation I embraced his waist, crying into his chest. He rubbed my back gently, whispering sweet calming words as he swayed back and forth ever so slightly. I felt his lips at my temple. His lips on my neck lightly. “AJ,” I started.

            “Sh...,” he interrupted before placing his lips on mine. When he felt me relax under his touch, he deepened the kiss with much hunger and passion. His tongue grazed mine and a small moan escaped from somewhere inside. His masculine hand cupped my breast under my top, his fingers tenderly caressing the hardened nipple.

            The next thing I knew we were lying on the floor on the verge of making love. Committing adultery. Nick suddenly came to my mind, but the touch of AJ’s hand, the roaming of his tongue, the sweetness in his touch pushed those thoughts aside and I let myself betray the man that I loved.

 

Nick:

 

            I watched the two tangled bodies through the glass. Watched Shea rip my heart out with every thrust she received, and dash it to pieces with every moan of satisfied pleasure. Their bodies moved together, and the longer I stared at their naked flesh, the more the sadness, anger, and betrayal took over me.

            I had gone to the studio to console Shea. I knew she wasn’t “fine” when I asked her earlier, but I also knew better than to probe for answers she does not want to reveal. I walked away from the heartbreaking scene, wondering if Shea or AJ would tell me about this escapade, this rendezvous. Or would I bring it to their attention that I knew? That I wasn’t blind, and that they couldn’t get away with this without me finding out some way, somehow?

            Would I end it with Shea? Leave the Backstreet Boys in pursuit of solo glory so I wouldn’t have to be reminded every day that I was betrayed by two people whom I held very dear to my heart? Would I say anything at all?

            I closed the apartment door and crawled back into bed. I stared at where Shea’s head, her beautiful face, should have been, but wasn’t. “Good night, Shea,” I whispered to the imaginary face in the overwhelming darkness, a tear trickling to my pillow.

            “Good bye.”

 

Kevin:

 

            Four am and I found myself staring at Lauryn from the open doorway. Ms. Matthews sat at her daughter’s bedside reading a YM article about us aloud to her. “Ms. Matthews, can I see her?” I asked quietly from the door.

            Ms. Matthews spun around at my voice as if she was startled. “Sure, Kevin,” Ms. Matthews agreed. She stepped out of the room, and hesitantly, I sat down in the hard, orange plastic chair.

            “Hey, Sweetie,” I whispered, taking her cool, lifeless hand in mine. “I miss you, Lauryn. Come back and see me.”

            Lauryn didn’t stir an inch, the constant beeping of the heart monitor the only indicator of life. “C’mon, Sweetie. I need you. I want to be with you. Really. C’mon,” I coaxed to no avail. I sat there for almost two hours, never letting her hand fall from mine. I continued to talk. Telling her what we were up to. How the tour went. That I loved her. That I missed feeling myself nestled between her thighs.

            At around six Ms. Matthews appeared at the door. “Mr. Richardson, you have to go,” she stated. I looked at her and she stared back at me. She seemed angry. Like something had recently upset her.

            I nodded my head in compliance, rose to my feet, and kissed Lauryn’s motionless lips lightly. “Pull through this, Lauryn, so we can be together,” I whispered into her ear so only she could hear.

            I pulled my duster tighter around my body as I left the hospital. The cold wind of the early October hours seeped through every pore. My body shivered from the chill of the breeze. I walked toward Central Park, the rising sun turning the sky brilliant shades of orange and red behind the tall steel-structured buildings of Manhattan.

            I pulled my collar up and ducked my head down inside the edge of my coat to hide most of my easily recognizable face. There I sat. My breathing deep. My head in a whirl. I watched a young mother walk briskly by, a warm, bubbly face in the stroller she pushed in front of her. A man dressed three layers thick jogged on the path directly in front of where I sat. I watched the scenes before me. Life the way it should be.

            I couldn’t help but think of Lauryn’s face when I told her it was over. Her bright, blue eyes dripping salty tears down her smooth rosy cheeks. It was the last time I saw Lauryn before her attack. I sniffled softly. Could I be partially responsible for this?

 

Shea:

 

            I slipped silently into my darkened bedroom. Nick slept peacefully, the sheet tucked around him rising gently every time he breathed. The longer I gazed at his sleeping form, the dirtier I felt. I loved him. How could I have done that to him?

            I left the bedroom and headed to the shower, turning on the water as hot as I could possibly stand. I scrubbed and scrubbed but couldn’t wash the feelings of guilt from my soul. My body was as physically clean as it was going to get, but I still fell dirty on the inside. ‘How could you have done that to him, Shea?! He loves you! You love him!’ my brain screamed at me. I stood under the spray of hot water, my salty tears of remorse and shame mixing with the water meant to cleanse me of that unforgivable act.

            I turned the shower off and dried my body. My body soiled forever in a matter of minutes. I timidly entered my bedroom again, expecting to see Nick still sleeping in the warmth of the blankets, but he wasn’t. The bed was made, his suitcase lying open on the comforter. Quickly, I dressed and tossed my wet hair up into a haphazard bun on top of my head before making my way to the kitchen.

            Nick sat at the table, a cup of coffee clutched tightly in one hand. AJ sat on the couch, a cigarette dangling from his lips and dark shades covering his eyes. Hesitantly, I kissed Nick’s cheek. “Good morning,” I whispered.

            Nick jerked away from my kiss. “Hmmm,” he grunted. “Sit!” I sat down slowly and began biting on my lower lip. “You too, Bone!” Nick ordered.

            Obediently, AJ joined us at the table. “Do you two have something you want to tell me or should I just tell you that I know?” Nick questioned, taking a slurp of his coffee.

            I looked at AJ quickly. “God, Nicky! I’m so sorry!” I cried, grabbing his arm.

            “Sorry?! Sorry?! After what you did, do you honestly think a ‘sorry’ is going to fix it?!” Nick yelled at me, jerking his arm away.

            “Nick...”

            “Why did you do it, Shea?! Am I not good enough for you?!” Nick asked. I could hear both the hurt and the anger in his voice.

            “No, Nick! You are! I love you!” I wailed.

            “People who are supposedly in love, don’t sleep with the other’s friends!” he shouted. “You don’t see me screwing Lauryn, do you?!” he fired.

            “How’s she supposed to know? She’s not with you all the time!” AJ retorted, finally breaking his somber state.

            Nick swung his fist and punched AJ in the nose, knocking both him and his chair backwards. The blood gushed from AJ’s nose, and I ran to fetch a towel for him.

            “I’m out! Out of the band!” Nick bellowed in AJ’s face. “And out of your life!” he added, pointing his finger at me.

            “Please, Nick! Please!” I cried, grabbing on to his shirt as he started down the hall to get his bag.

            He turned quickly and backhanded me across the cheek. I fell to my knees stunned, my whole body shaking with sobs. He paused at my side on his way to the door, his suitcase in hand. “That’s for breaking my heart.”