Of course, the fact that the Islamic community has signed a deal with the Childrens' Television Workshop, and PBS, in an effort to counteract Disney's influence on the world's youth seems to complicate matters. When it was revealed to the media that Disney's Bagdhad themepark was going to include a mock-kaaba, the people at Sesame Street Inc (part of the Childrens Television Workshop, and the PBS.org) and Jim Henson Inc., along with our other branches, began negotiations with major Muslim groups. Big Bird had met with King Fahd of Saudi Arabia and King Abdullah of Jordan, while Bert met Osama Bin Laden (see image at left). It is also a not-so-well known fact that Jim Henson, prior to his death, recited the shahadah, and converted to Islam. Funding to PBS from viewers like you has been given, in part, towards helping the Hezbollah struggle in Lebanon against Israeli Defense Forces. The Children's Television Workshop has always "felt that it is proper adab to support Islam, and fight against the kuffar."[ii] Osama was most gracious to the muppet envoy, though in the beginning Ernie was nearly burned when he was mistaken for a graven image or idol. Finally, it was announced that the Taliban had given PBS and Jim Henson Inc. permission to build the first Sesame Place in Kabul Afganistan.
Notes
(i) For news that covered this, consider the following:
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9) Armed Mousekeeter extremists seldom besiege Disney World
in fervent anticipation of the advent of Mahdi Mickey.
(Though the subsequent spectacle of a mass beheading in Frontierland
just might make up for the outrageous ticket price...)
8) In a groundbreaking study by Dr. Pinocchio Giuseppe, wishing upon
a star was proven more effective than prayers in Mecca
(said to pack the ka-pow! potency of 100,000 prayers
anywhere else).
7) Okay, okay, it�s not all in Disney�s favor. Allah loves his
martyrs, whether stampeded, fried, or over-easy.
There is no more opportune place to go straight to "eternal
Adventureland" thanks to the ingenious "will of Allah" crowd
out-of-control of the Saudis.
6) Just try to tell me Mecca wouldn�t be cooler if they could
snatch sword-waving animatronics from the Pirates of the Caribbean
and create a Dacoits of the Desert ride next to the
Ka�ba commemorating the Prophet Muhammad�s whole scale slaughter
of Jews and assorted poets. Avast ye infidels!
5) Walt doesn�t care what f*cking religion you are to enter;
just give him the money. Cha-ching.
4) To complete your trip to Disney World, you don�t have to slit a
goat�s throat in remembrance of Walt sparing Donald Duck at the last
moment from killing Huey, Dewey, and Louie as mallard sacrifices to
wholesome family entertainment.
3) Disney World has a wild n� crazy party atmosphere that Mecca,
with its women wearing more layers of clothing than South
Pole explorers, can only dream of. How else to explain why
so-many Disney characters aren�t wearing any pants?
2) You�ve got to hand it to the enterprising Meccans, though.
Not even Walt could make up a better racket than convincing
millions of people that their eternal salvation depended on coming
to a hellhole in the desert, dressing up in tighty-whities,
kissing a rock, throwing stones, circumambulating a lame-ass cube
(Picasso should�ve converted), and standing up for an entire
day in front of a mountain rock face. (Good thing they
stopped at five pillars, who knows what Goofy would�ve thought
up next...)
1) The Southern Baptists hate Disney World -- you know it�s gotta
be good!
Copyright � 2000, Sadiqi Az-Zindiki |
