<WINK>
Being that I am an Agnatheist (non-believer, and a rather voicey one) and I've been called an 'Anti-Christian' by someone, it appears clear that my soul is going to hell. In fact, I'll probably even RUN it.
Therefore, below is a list of things you can look forward to if you happen to be joining me in hell.
An eternity of:
1. Budweiser
2. Clove smoking and odor
3. Parties with food, music, dancing, games and prizes (don't worry, I'll also throw in the soundtrack to the "Exorcist" just to be consistent with where we are)
4. The joy of giving (but I won't be TOO giving 'cause they may decide I belong in heaven. Same goes for #'s 5 & 6)
5. Appreciation of your loved ones
6. Making people smile and laugh
7. All races being equal
8. Both male and FEMALE Presidents
9. Suspense, Horror and dark Comedy movies
10. Philosophy
11. Mexican & Italian food, ribs, chicken and pizza (and every Sunday I'll make sure the food is rotten so that you suffer from it. Again, gotta stay consistent)
12. Romance (just be careful about who you marry because if he/she turns out to be a bitch/asshole who you'll wish to hell, remember they're already there)
13. Monogamy (I know this will be especially difficult for some of you…hehe)
14. No voting (we'll take turns on who's President, and we'll start with a female)
15. Fun on the beach (though I apologize for the firey ocean)
16. Forgiveness and understanding (I know, god is going to argue w/ me over the forgiveness….that's HIS/HER/IT'S area)
17. Christmas and Halloween every year (yep, god will have issues here, too, though Halloween should be a kick).
18. Support for your afterlife dreams and goals (hell, you have an eternity to achieve them, so pick several)
19. No prayer or church because you'll be in heaven if you did any of that. This includes many who murdered, raped, molested, maimed, etc., because they went to heaven anyway after they 'accepted' god/jesus.
20. No microwaves or ovens since its already hot. Though you may need sunblock.
21. Children running around because we're all 'born sinners'.
22. Pre-marital sex (just make sure that when you climax, you yell out "Oh Devil!")
23. Pro Choice. (Now ladies, listen up 'cause this is important. If you choose abortion because you were raped by one of our demons running around down here, you still have to stay down here because abortion is bad regardless. However, if you choose to keep the baby, just make SURE to raise it as a Satanist or Atheist, because if you raise it under Christianity, God may snag it up to heaven. Yes I realize that many of you prefer to raise your child with an open mind and to choose for his/herself, but we have to stick the regulations of hell.
24. Pornography (sorry, but we'll have to share this one with heaven. So if you can't find Miss October, she's probably in heaven)
25. Drugs (but do them while you can since they'll only be here temporarily. They'll be heading to heaven when they're legalized)
26. The Bible (since the darn thing is open to interpretation and has created commotion and animosity amongst religions, including holy wars)
hehe
Dude, I don't EVEN find
that funny or
amusing!!!!
Dude, you
rock!!!!