SAYINGS
.....JUST 'CAUSE!
1. Well, this day was a total waste of make-up.
3. Who are these kids and why are they calling me Mom?
4. A hard-on doesn't count as personal growth.
5. Don't bother me. I'm living happily ever after.
6. Do I look like a freakin' people person?
7. This isn't an office-It's Hell with fluorescent lighting.
8. I started out with nothing & still have most of it left.
10. I've found Jesus. He was behind the sofa the whole time.
11. If I throw a stick, will you leave?
12. You! Off my planet!
13. Therapy is expensive, poppin' bubble wrap is cheap! You choose.
14. Practice random acts of intelligence & senseless acts of
self-control.
16. I like cats, too. Let's exchange recipes.
19. Does your train of thought have a caboose?
21. Did the aliens forget to remove your anal probe?
22. Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.
24. Let me show you how the guards used to do it.
26. And your cry-baby whiny-assed opinion would be...?
27. I'm not crazy, I've just been in a very bad mood for 30 years.
30. A PBS mind in an MTV world.
32. Allow me to introduce my selves.
33. Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.
35. Better living through denial.
36. Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.
38. Adult child of alien invaders.
39. Do they ever shut up on your planet?
40. I'm just working here till a good fast-food job opens up.
41. Are those your eyeballs? I found them in my cleavage.
42. I'm not your type. I'm not inflatable.
43. I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.
44. A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.
45. Stress is when you wake up screaming & you realize you haven't
fallen asleep yet.
46. Mall whore: I can suck the numbers right off your credit cards.
47. After I cook the vegetables, what do I do with the wheelchairs?
48. Here I am! Now what are your other two wishes?
49. Back off! You're standing in my aura.
50. I can't remember if I'm the good twin or the evil one.
51. Don't worry. I forgot your name, too!
52. Adults are just kids who owe money.
53. One of us is thinking about sex..... OK, it's me.
54. How many times do I have to flush before you
go away?
55. I have a computer, a vibrator, & pizza delivery. Why should I
leave the house?
56. I just want revenge. Is that so wrong?
57. It's sick the way you people keep having sex without me.
58. I work 40 hours a week to be this poor.
61. Okay, okay, I take it back! UnScrew you!
62. Macho Law forbids me from admitting I'm wrong.
63. Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?
64. Not all men/women are annoying. Some are dead.
65. Too may freaks, not enough circuses.
66. Chaos, panic, & disorder - my work here is done.
67. A woman's favorite position is CEO.
68. Ambivalent? Well, yes and no.
69. You look like shit. Is that the style now?
70. Everyone thinks I'm psychotic, except for my friends deep inside
71. Earth is full. Go home.
72. Is it time for your medication or mine?
73. Does this condom make me look fat?
75. I plead contemporary insanity.
76. And which dwarf are you?
77. I refuse to star in your psychodrama.
79. How do I set a laser printer to stun?
80. It ain't the size, it's..... no wait-it IS the size
81. Meandering to a different drummer.
82. I'm not tense, just terribly, terribly alert.
83. I'd rather be killing fishermen
84. Illy, Rocifer...I'm serfectly Pober
85. Suck a fart out of my butt
86. Its hard to humble when you're Omnipotent
87. All right! I'll call 911....what's the
number?
88. Did you fart?!......I guess I did