MY ANSWERS
TO QUESTIONS FROM BELIEVERS


1. "Are you saved!?"

Well, I didn't die when I rolled my bike into the creek in 3rd grade, so I guess I am. I haven't gone blind from whacking off, so I guess I still am. I made it to first base safely, so I must be on a saving roll. The robber didn't shoot me when he robbed my workplace a few years back so…….

"THEN YOU'VE BEEN SAVED!"

Uh….okay…..saved by what?

The bell?

"You're a smart ass!"

Well, yes, I do have an ass…and I like to think I am smart….so I suppose the ass fits.

OHHHHHH….you mean 'saved by the Lord, Jesus Christ'

Now it makes sense!    ……….uh, what does that mean?

WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?

Apparently 'saved' suggests that I am going to HEAVEN when I die.
Hey, as long as there's Budweiser there.....!!!!!!

2. "If you don't accept Jesus, you will regret it!"

This sounds an awful lot like what the bully in grade school threatened me with:

"If you don't gimme your tweenkies, I'll kick your ass!"

And I was sure afraid of HIM, so I guess I should be terrified by what Jesus will do to me if I don't accept him, let alone GOD.

Gee, sounds like a belief I want to follow throughout my life!
(But I could have sworn that I read somewhere that JC and god were supposed to be these all-loving beings/people.....
but 'regret' sounds more threatening than anything........)

3. "All right, wise guy, then explain how we and the Earth were created!"

All right, but only if I get the Nobel Prize.....and the Pulitzer, and the Oscar.....

Ya see, here's the thing…….we humans just gotta have answers to everything, especially where death and an afterlife are concerned. But its funny how those are the two areas we really have no idea about, it that scares the hell out of us. And no one likes to be scared. Therefore, what do you say we conjure up something that will enable us to live our lives without such paranoia?
We all live on this huge planet and have no idea of how it or we got here.

"AND THAT'S JUST NOT ACCEPTABLE!"

So, let's make something up. Let's make up a way that this planet and us were created.

"Wait a minute! I'm not living in paranoia!"

Then why all the big fuss regarding getting into a Heaven?
Why pray?
Why tell people who don't believe that "they'll be sorry!"?
You apparently feel there are those whom won't make it into Heaven based on their 'actions' or views, actions & views which you may feel are 'sinful' or 'wrong'.
If so, then where are THEY going?
Where ever it is, it must be 'BAD'.
And it must be a place you're hoping to avoid, hence, you live your life 'avoiding' or 'fearing'
this awful place.
Sounds pretty paranoid to me.

4. "God loves you whether or not you believe in him."

A. How would you know?
B. If he loves me despite me being an Agnatheist, then why should I concern myself with where
HE may put me when I die?
Afterall, if he LOVES me, he certainly wouldn't put me in a place like HELL.
Also, if you are right.....why ever would you concern for my placement after death?
According to you, god apparently loves me no matter what....therefore, I've got
NO WORRIES
(unlike you)

5. "Why are you in denial?"

Actually, I could ask the same about you....but the answer to that is easy....
FEAR.
As for 'my denial', that suggests that I know something exists or to be true, but I go against it, or deny it.
And quite simply, that isn't Atheism (or my Agnatheism).
But, since you're convinced that I AM in 'denial', let's try to figure out why.....

A. If I believe in Jesus and a god, I get to go to heaven.
B. Heaven is a place of ETERNAL HAPPINESS, BEAUTY AND LOVE.
(big understatements if you're Catholic or Southern Baptist)
C. If I don't believe, then I am going to hell.
D. Hell is a place of ETERNAL DAMNATION, SADNESS, AND TORTURE.
(unless you're a Satanist, then its 'heaven'....go figure)
E. Therefore, if A=B.....and C=D
why wouldn't everyone believe in A=B?????
F. Hmmmmm....wait....I feel a 'G' coming on....
G. What if I'm 'A', but I also murder/molest/rape people?
H. Well, that's different 'cause the bible states "Thou shalt not....yadda yadda".
I. I see, so then there are standards that I must follow?
J. Of course there are! You can't go out and kill people and then expect to get into heaven!
K. K.....then....why does a priest accompany an inmate as he/she heads to the chair?
(isn't that a contradictionn and pointless?)
K2. And if some people feel abortion is muder while others don't.....what does god feel?
K3. ...and what if I'm in the military and kill people during war?
L. Well, that's different! That was the enemy and you fought for your country!
M. I agree w/ you.....but.....weren't WE the enemy in our enemy's eyes? Wasn't our enemy ALSO fighting for their country?
N. You're just complicating things.....and getting off the subject!
O. Oh really? Actually, I am right on target by using examples and asking basic questions.
What are your answers?
P. There aren't answers to everything!
Q. I couldn't agree more. But how about answering my above questions....
R. The Lord works in mysterious ways!
S. Nice cop-out......but let me ask you this........if the above is true...
HOW WOULD YOU KNOW??????

T-Z. THAT'S WHAT I THOUGHT.

6. "What are you so angry at?"

Well.................
1. The Lakers losing the NBA Championship in '89 & '91
2. The Steelers QB throwing the Super Bowl to Dallas in '96
3. My warped Ex-wife being that way
4. All the crappy horror films that get made while my scripts sit still

What?
That's not what you were looking for?????
You assume I am angry at god, JC, the church, etc, otherwise I would believe?
Do me a favor.....go back to my definitions of what Atheism and Agnatheism are....
they should help you out on this one.

7. "You must beg the lord for forgiveness for your sins!"

!!!!!!!!!!!!!LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!



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