| ARCHIVES |
| Early Rabbit Land by Leutenant Sqander Fleen (HSBC) |
| The Iniquitous Poo-Mounds were already known to hold some of the earliest remnants of Rabbitkind within their faecal depths. They first came to the attention of the archaeological community when they regurgitated the corpse of a pre-decimal rabbit that came to be known as the Jesus-Rabbit Corpse. Dr Haaaaaamlich Hyde, then Raif of Departmental Diggery at Rectum University, explained in an interview in 1984: 'We were amazed. The corpse was so well preserved. We had never dared to dream... well, anyway, I decided to call it the Virgin Mary-Rabbit Corpse. But the Catholic community objected. When it was revealed that the corpse was that of a man, as shown by the heavy jaw bone, they went ballistic. Well, how was I to know? You couldn't see the jawline at first. It was only when we shaved off the beard that our suspicions could be confirmed. After a brief period of calling it the Prophet Mohammed-Rabbit Corpse, I settled on the Jesus-Rabbit Corpse. Unfortunately, just when the death-threats and Jihads were dying down, I died, and was thus unable to study the corpse at all.' |
| In the volcanic Mular region in the Western Pichards, scientists have found a find that challenges the very foundations upon which Rabbitland's foundations are based. Using the latest sooquotic techniques Professor Yetter-Belt Yatch has re-analysed the Iniquitous Poo-Mounds, thoroughly. So what made this re-analysis so different from the analyses that preceded it? |
| Jesus-rabbit Corpse, 1983 |
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| 'What we tried to do,' said Professor Yatter-Blat Yelk, 'is to re-analyse, rather than analyse what had already been analysed several times. And we wore hats. And used spades. And sacrificed children.' |
| This proved conclusively that rabbit civilisation pre-dated everything. Or did it? Dr Haaaaamlich Hyde said that this was not the case: 'No.' |
| Professor Yibber-Big Yilt's finds challenged the conventional view that Rabbitland's roots lay in the 1979 Wham! annual, and the resistance to his ideas was a lot. He pushed back this date by a fucking marvellous twenty hundred billion years. |
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| 'we had been rummaging around for quite some time when a student on the dig called me over and said 'Professor, I think I have something.' I said, 'Baby, you've got everything!' and she said, 'No, really, I have something!' and I said, 'Well you didn't get it from me!' Well, this went on for sometime, and she just lost it. She went for me, gouging my eyes, biting me here and here. I was rescued when Professor Akskaba Biscuit, who was assisting with the goat-smelting, pointed out that we were rolling on a skull of immeasurable age.' The skull was indeed of immeasurable age, being exactly twenty hundred billion fucking years before the dawn of civilisation. 'Unfortunately all that survived was this small fragment of nostril,' said Professor Yotter-Snot Yegg. |