Notes on Never Really Before

  I wrote this poem one day and, when
I finished it, I saw that it was a poem
with a lot of meaning. Several interpretations
could be made out of some of the lines,
so I thought I could explain for myself
what they mean to me. If they mean 
something different to other people,
that is fine, as long as is something
good...

  This poem has "Really" on the title
but not on the poem, and that is because
it would become repetitive. It could
have "really" on most phrases, though.

  This is a poem about a person looking
back at his life from Heaven. He just
got there and is trying to decide whether
he would like to stay or not.


Never Really Before
I never lied
  This means you don't really ever lie, not to God
  since there is no way to lie to him.
Never looked into your eyes
  This means he never looked straight to the face,
  always hiding from God, like one that doesn't
  want to face the truth or is afraid of doing so.
I never even cried
  This means he never felt passion, real one, the one
  that makes you cry of sadness or happiness. It is 
  symbolical of letting go and express your feelings.
Never smiled
  Be happy from your heart, just because you are happy,
  not smiling from greetings or a joke.
I never thought this world could mean so much to me
  he realizes how important heaven is and how much
  he cares for it now that he is there. Most of all
  he cares because he knows heaven now.
I never believed you where always there with me
  This obviously means god is with us all the time,
  not just in a building when we pray. Just because we
  can't feel Him all the time, doesn't mean He is not
  there.
The Sun never rised, never
  Sun represents "the Light", as in he never saw the
  Light.
But forever it might be
  Now it might be a common thing for him to see.


I never touched
  By "touched" he means feel. He might have touched
  lots of things, but never really felt them.
Never held your hands
  This is symbolical of going hand by hand with
  God. Lucky the ones that can say they do.
I never saw a singing bird
  He never cared enough to enjoy life, the material
  one that provides us with singing birds. Just
  watching them is a pleasure, with their colors
  and beautiful feathers...
Never heard it
  Listening to them is even better. However, whether
  we listen to them or not, they will still sing,
  but what a joy when we do listen!
I always thought you were in a place really far away
  Heaven is seem to be "up there", in a far away
  place. But it really is around us, because God 
  is right there, inside our hearts.
Never could I believe what my angels had to say
  Maybe if he had paid attention to what his
  conscience, "the guardian angel", had to say,
  his life could have been better.
"Always believe, always.
  Believing in God in the good and the bad times
  is not so easy as it seems, besides, Believing 
  in God is not going to hurt anybody.
So forever it could be."
  Now believing is going to be easy for him,
  having Him right there, if he stays there.


To have a Sun
  To have a "God"...
In your Big Blue Sky
  In heaven...
Was the most amazing thing I ever dreamed
  Was already something difficult enough
  for him to believe.
But nothing could now compare to the way I feel
  But just the existence of God is not all,
  there is so much more that he can feel 
  now, things like happiness beyond imagination
  and without end.
Never could anybody understand or see
  By "anybody" he means humans, since they
  are stuck in their material lives just the
  way he was.
Never feel all the pain, never have to dream
  No more material pain, for maybe there is
  pain in Heaven, but due to the things they
  feel that are going wrong on Earth, not in
  Heaven. If everybody was there with him,
  there would be no more pain. For "dream" he
  is referring to always wish things. In Heaven
  there is no need to wish, for everything is
  there.
Never sleep again, never
  Sleep means two things. Sleep as in a 
  material necessity and like life without
  being awake, as if we were just living a life
  without being fully aware of everything.
And forever it can be
  All these things could be true now, if
  he stays there.

I never smelt
The way I smell you now
  This is a very interesting one, for he
  is referring to the smell some spirits are
  said to have, such are some apparitions of
  the Virgin Mary.
I never cared enough
Never realized
  Never realized how little he cared for
  everything that is God's.
Never could I fell my soul burn so bright
  I don't think this one needs explanation
I never had to choose in my material life
  To choose what color of shirt one is
  going to wear is not a real choice one
  can make in life. To say we are nothing
  and following God is our salvation really
  is a choice we can make in life, one that
  will change us forever.
Never this way, never
  Same thing, for he is about to choose 
  something that will affect the rest of his
  existence.
Now forever it would be
  If he chooses to stay, all these things
  would become true, forever.

I never felt
The way I feel you now
  To feel God in one's spirit is not a 
  common experience, for when you do, you
  can tell. Fear invades your body, for you
  are nothing compared to Him, and yet, His
  love is so strong that you want more and
  more.
I never tried before
Never fraternized
  By this he means relate to God.
To have all these worlds right before my eyes
  He has the choice of living among the earthy
  or stay in Heaven among the spirits.
Choose what could be the rest of my eternal life
  If he stays it may be forever...
Forever remain, forever
So, forever it will be
  He obviously decides to stay.
  


I hope you enjoyed the poem.

 Francesc Beltran 

Copyright Francisco Beltran may 12, 1997