Title: Collapsed in Love Chapter 5: Make Up Your Mind
Author: Foxy Finn ([email protected])
Rating: PG
Archive: @ my site http://www.geocities.com/foxy_finn44/
Category: Sports, RPS, NHL, Edmonton Oilers, Comrie/York
Feedback: I'll cry if you don't.
Summary: Comrie and Brewer conspire.
Author's Note: Not mine. Never mine.

Theory Of A Deadman
Make Up Your Mind

Eric and I crossed the street to a small caf�. I felt empty being around him; I don�t know if it was out of guilt or because I just felt sorry for myself. We sat down and the waitress offered us some menus. Eric had some coffee, but I just had water. He turned back to me once the waitress had disappeared.

"I thought that I was going to throw-up when York saw me at the airport." He said. "I thought that it would feel great, but it didn�t."

I lowered my head. "I didn�t feel so great for me either."

"We should tell him." Eric said, firmly.

"You�d think that would make us feel any better?" I slumped in my chair and sighed. "I heard him talking to Janne on the plane. He thinks that being honest will just fix everything. I don�t think it will."

The waitress brought our drinks. Eric thanked her, taking the cup and tracing the rim with his finger. He watched the cup, thoughtfully, before looking up at me with dark eyes. Those dark eyes that made me feel ashamed, but I had no clue how to stop the guilty wound from bleeding.

"Since when do you give up on anything?" Eric said, frowning.

I shook my head. "Why do you still think that about me? Maybe I do just want to give up. My whole life I�ve been trying to be the best, and I�ll just end up with nothing. Something will happen, or I�ll do something, and it will all be over."

"Nothing? You think you�ve got nothing?" He rubbed his eyes, shaking his head. "Mike loves you, okay? He�s had every chance in the world to find happiness some where else, but instead he�s staying with you. He�s happy with you. I�m pretty sure that he won�t leave just because you�re having a rough time right now. And you know what? For some stupid reason I still love you. You keep hurting me, leaving me, and making me hurt inside. But for some reason�"

I reached across the table to touch his hand. "Eric�"

"Don�t tell me you�re sorry. I�ve heard that too often from you." He tilted his head. He looked down, rubbing his thumb along the top of my hand. Pursing his lips, he took his hand away from mine.

I swallowed. "Eric, what if he doesn�t forgive me?"

Eric smirked, cynically, then shrugged. "How should I know? Tell him and you�ll find out."

That was a flash of why Eric and I never really worked together. I was just looking for his opinion, and he thought I was looking to have him tell me what I�m supposed to do. Maybe I was looking for him to tell me what to do, but I wasn�t going to admit that. I didn�t want to admit he was right.

"Will it make //you// feel better if I come clean?" I narrowed my eyes. "I know you, Eric. You�re not thinking only of me. "

He blinked, then eyed me with mild surprise. "Are you trying to fight with me? I�m sorry, but everything I do can�t be selfless."

"Was being with me selfless, Eric? Were you just with me because you felt sorry for me?" I demanded, sitting up in my chair. He is taller than me when I slouch, if I sat up we�d be at an equal level.

Eric stared at me with his mouth open. He was concentrating. "Mike, would you have even been with me if Doug hadn�t hurt you?"

"A lot of things would�ve been different if Doug would�ve kept his hands off of me." I answered, setting my hands on the table. Things would�ve been different if I hadn�t been so stupid. I looked back at Eric. "That still doesn�t answer my question."

"Yeah, Mike, I guess I felt sorry for you." Eric started slowly, but then quickly continued. "But I still fell in love with you."

I scoffed. "I must be the most desirable person to you right now."

"So you admit what you�re doing is pathetic?" He titled his head to frown at me. "Because it�s getting a little sorry, Mike."

I slumped in my chair again. "It�s not me, Eric. It�s Mike. It�s like he wants me to go away or something." I planted my elbow on the table, letting my hand go limp. I looked at Eric from beneath my half closed eyes.

Eric raised an eyebrow as my words slowly turned something in his head. "That�s the first time you�ve said that when you�re not drunk." He moved a little closer to me, curiosity replacing the pity and annoyance in his voice. "Do you think this isn�t about your dad? All the fighting and arguing?"

"My dad has been giving us trouble, but�but there�s something else. I don�t know. It�s like he let�s me go because he feels bad about something." I shrugged, mumbling. "Like he did something he doesn�t want me to know about."

We were both quiet, until he cleared his throat.

"We�d better get back." He pulled out some money from his wallet. I don�t think he would�ve cared either way if it was Canadian or not, but since we were just in Vancouver it didn�t matter.

I followed him outside, trailing him as I thought. Was Mike really doing something behind my back? What about that whole honesty thing? We�ve always tried to be as honest as possible with each other, but he did change since my accident. He misses parts of my personality that he saw only for a brief while when I didn�t have my memory. I glanced up at Eric and slowed my steps. What if he heard me leave with Eric today, and there really is nothing going on? I don�t think I�d feel any better about doing something with Eric either way.

We reached the doors to the hotel when I light snow began to fall. I looked up at the sky, sighing. It was at this time last year when Eric was away at the Olympics. I think it was a mistake to let him get close to me. If I had known that Mike hadn�t moved on, I would�ve never gone looking for trouble. I should�ve never ended things with him when we parted in Michigan. New York was never that far away�

Eric turned to me as he paused by the door. "Promise me you won�t hurt me anymore, Mike."

I tired to nod, hoping I could actually keep that promise. "Okay."

He smiled, then winked at me. He opened the door for me and I entered, watching him suspiciously. Eric followed behind me, keeping his distance as we entered the elevator. He stared at the button panel, but I could hear the thoughts turning in his head. I should�ve never told him what I thought about Mike. I had nothing to go on but my own paranoia about being alone.

"Eric?" I turned to him and asked, frowning. "Don�t�"

He put his finger on my lips, silencing me. "�go solve your problems or cause any trouble. Don�t worry, Mikey, you solve your problems and I�ll solve mine."

We stepped off the elevator and he followed me to my door. I�m not angry at him, but by all rights he should be angry at me right now. It was unsettling how calm he looked as he told me he�d see me later at the rink. He waved then turned and started towards his room. I watched him walk away with my hand on the doorknob, frowning.

I opened the door, but I thought I heard him say something.

"But this is my problem too."

~End Chapter Five

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