Title: Collapsed in Love Chapter 6: Safer on the Outside
Author: Foxy Finn ([email protected])
Rating: PG-13 for swearing
Archive: @ my site http://www.geocities.com/foxy_finn44/
Category: Sports, RPS, NHL, Edmonton Oilers, Comrie/York
Feedback: Feed my addiction
Summary: Eric makes a decision
Author's Note: Much thanks to everyone who's been following this. I promise to end this humanely when the time comes. Until then, misery for everyone!

I'm no good
I feel too small
Something's gotta burn
Sick on you
Drunken highways
Someone take the wheel
Faded into blackout
You left me in
It's safer on the outside
I'm swimming in
This kerosene
It's hard to breathe
Static's got me down
I can't sleep
I'm disconnected
Everything went wrong
And certain stars
Are sad and bruised like
Someone's cheating heart�

American Hi-Fi
Safer On The Outside

I went back to my room, mildly aware that Mike watched me the whole way. Just when I think I've figured everything out, he lets me know a little more. I know I've hurt him in the past, but what he's putting me through right now doesn't compare to that at all. But the reason he's hurting me is because of York. That makes sense to me now.

I took a quick glance down the hall to make sure Mike had gone inside. He did, so I went inside my room.

Janne was sitting on his bed, reading a magazine. He didn't look up at me as I hung my coat up, and moved to my own bed. Sitting down, I folded my hands behind my head.

Janne turned the page of his magazine. "Eric, it's dangerous to play with people's hearts."

"He's playing with mine." I replied, quickly.

He shrugged. "Eric they've found solutions to every problem before. They'll find an answer to this one, too."

"Not this time." I shook my head.

Janne lifted an eyebrow, looking up from his magazine. "Why do you say that?"

"Did York ever tell you anything that would make you think he was cheating on Mike? You talk to him more than I do." I asked, avoiding sounding accusatory.

Janne was shaking his head before I was finished. "Yorkie would never do anything like that."

"Oh come on." I started. "They've had to deal with Mike's dad from the beginning, and it's just starting to bother him now? I never bought that from the start. When Mike started coming to me, I couldn't understand why. York would slash the tires on Mike's car before he'd let that happen. It makes sense now. They are fighting because York was looking for a way to fix his guilt."

"Eric," Janne sighed, "you're making conjectures. Stop."

Maybe I was wrong, but I don't think I am. Would there be any way to make York tell me the truth? He'd have to tell me, and believe I deserved to know. Janne was just sitting there like he knows everything. I'd like to see him fix this.

"Janne, I'm involved in this mess." I frowned. "I think that Mike still has feelings for me."

"He comes to you drunk, Eric. He is looking for sympathy because he feels hurt. He's just telling you what you want to hear." Janne shifted his weight, moving to the edge of the bed. "You've sent him home every other time, why was last night any different?"

I rubbed my eyes. Last night wasn't any different; it was this morning. "York didn't want to pick him up. It's not my job to drive Mike home, or send him off in a cab."

"Maybe you should've driven him home." He shrugged. "But if nothing happened then it shouldn't have mattered."

I was quiet, looking at my hands. Janne knew my signals well, and when I looked up at him with a hint of guilt he shot off the bed. Glaring at me, he loomed near me. He was much closer now, and shook his head angrily. I just sat there, staring up at him.

"Eric, tell me nothing happened." He demanded.

"Not last night; this morning." I answered, quietly. "The reason I was talking to Mike today was because I wanted him to tell York."

"Why? Why, Eric?" Janne started, eyeing me like I'd wronged him directly. "Why were you being so selfish?"

"Me selfish?!" I was stunned by that accusation. He had no right. "I wasn't being selfish! Mike came to me, told me he loved me, and probably had the condom ready, but I turned him down. I told myself it was wrong, and put him in my spare bedroom and called his boyfriend. It was stupid of me to think I could have him back so easily. This morning�I just couldn't take it any more. He let me have him, Janne. If he would've said 'Stop' I would've." I paused, taking a low glance up at Janne before looking away again. "He took everything back when it was all over." I let my eyes drop, and I fisted my hands in the covers. My voice was a dull whisper when I spoke again. "I wasn't being selfish."

I heard Janne swallow before I looked up. He reached out to touch my shoulder in apology.

"I'm sorry, Eric. But if Mike still felt anything for you, he wouldn't be doing that. A sign of love isn't pulling you in two different directions or playing you against York." His hand was off my shoulder as quickly as it had been put there. "Perhaps Mike told you he thought York was cheating to make you feel better."

"Janne, I'm going to ask York." I said, firmly. "And if I have to, I'm going to tell him what happened with Mike and me."

Janne finally rolled his eyes and turned away. Frustrated, he folded his arms. "This isn't a game, Eric. These are the lives of two people we care about; these are our teammates. Don't start thinking that two wrongs will make a right. Putting their troubled hearts against each other will just end in pain for everyone."

He turned back to me with a tired look in his eyes. I folded my hands behind my head again, looking away from him and up at the ceiling. After a few seconds, he moved back onto his bed and picked up his magazine again. He knew I was going to do it no matter what he said. I knew he still cared about York. Maybe it hurt Janne to think that York would turn to someone else after he'd shared his affections.

I didn't want to think what would happen if I was wrong, so I had to be confident I was right.

"Eric, could you hand me the torch?" He asked.

"Huh? Oh, here." I'd just been staring off into space when he asked me.

He raised an eyebrow, but went back to work. A few seconds later, he spoke again. "You and Mike have a good talk today?"

"He told you?" I asked without hesitation, pretending to pick at the tape on the edge of my blade.

"No," He shook his head, "I heard you leave."

I frowned. "Oh."

He set his work aside before turning to face me. "Eric, I know he's putting you in the middle of this. I'm sorry for that."

"Mike," I started, slowly, "what's all this about? Really?"

It didn't phase him. He turned away, looking nonchalant. "You know what it's about."

I lowered my voice. "Mike thinks otherwise."

"What are you talking about?" He sighed when he asked, like it was a chore. Maybe it only sounded that way because he didn't want to believe me.

I moved around the table until I was facing him. When I knew he was looking at me, I started again. His pale eyes, funny green-blue shades, met mine with forced patience. "He thinks you're letting him go to me because you cheated on him."

"What?" He answered, shaking his head. "That's ridiculous."

"Is it?" I shot back.

"Yeah." His voice rose with annoyance. "Because I'd never do that."

He wasn't convincing me. When he looked down to keep working on his stick, I put my hand over his. He looked up with irritation on his face, but I matched it with firm determination. He exhaled sharply, before pulling away. After taking a few steps back, he eyed me again.

"Eric, does he really think that?" He slowly asked.

"Yeah. Why? Is it true?" I pressed.

Finally, he closed his eyes. After rubbing his hand through his hair, he nodded. He looked up at me before closing his eyes again. I couldn't believe it. Why? With who? The questions just kept rolling in my head as we stood there in silence.

He cleared his throat. "It was with Paul."

I just stared at him. "Fuck. Why haven't you told him yet?"

"I can't tell him without Paul being there. I have to have Paul's word that he won't lie or back-stab me in some way." He shook his head with quiet frustration. "It should've never happened."

"Damn rights it shouldn't." I narrowed my eyes. "You of all people should know not to trust him."

"I had to." York answered with a pained expression on his face. "For Mike, I had to try to trust him. Just like I have to trust you."

I took a deep breath. He was being honest with me, so I had to be honest with him. "You shouldn't have trusted Paul. Or me."

I saw his breathing quicken when he took another look at me. With trepidation, he spoke again. "What do you mean?"

"Mike and I had to talk this morning, because�" I strayed, watching his fists tighten at his sides. "I wanted him to tell you that we�" Why couldn't I say it? God, he looked helpless. I felt the same way. But he deserved this; he started this chain reaction. He stole Mike from me.

"Eric?" He asked.

"Mike and I had sex this morning, before I brought him to the airport." There was no great weight lifted when I said that, like I thought there would be. There was no relief or gratification. All I saw was the empty hurt in York's eyes.

He blinked a few times. "Eric, I should be hating you right now. But I'm not. I'm not." He turned away to let out another shaky breath. "Why didn't he want to tell me?"

"Why do you think?" I said, my tone soft but still harsh enough to have him turn back to me. "I know you have all this faith in him. Mike has hurt me in the past and I've hurt him too. I know that he's not perfect, and you should see that too." I swallowed. "Quit pushing him away. He's hurting us both because he doesn't know what to do."

"He's got to learn how to figure things out for himself. I don't want to be like his dad, telling how to live." York whispered. He looked so lost and broken.

Frustrated, I pulled him into my arms. "You're not like his father. But just because you're not telling him how he should be doesn't mean you're not doing the same thing with your actions."

He rested his head on my shoulder as he sighed. "Eric, I think Paul is falling in love with me. He's so much like Mike that I just know."

"You've got a commitment to Mike." I said. "Work things out with him first."

York lifted his head and stepped out of my arms. "Eric, you always said that this would happen. Now that it has happened, what changed your mind?"

I smirked, sadly. "He told me he loved me, and I had to look into his eyes and see that it wasn't there."

We were both on even terms, but I could still feel the tension lingering between us. He shifted his weight with his eyes still fixed on mine. He took a quick step towards me, and pressed a light kiss on my lips. He moved away with a faint smile, turning to pick up his equipment before he left.

I should've listened to Mike when he told me to let him go. If I had, I wouldn't be looking for something to smash right now.

~End Chapter Six

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