| Chapter 38 Nick slowly opened his eyes, blinking them against the light in the room. He looked around, trying to figure out where he was. He thought he had to be in a hospital, at least the bed looked like a hospital bed, but he'd never seen a room like this. After a moment his mind registered that he was hurting, and he looked down at his wrist. It was in a strange looking brace and underneath the brace it was wrapped in a bandage. His fingers were swollen and by the way it was hurting he was sure it was broken again. What the hell happened to me?, he thought, trying to sit up. God, what is wrong with me? I can't even sit up, he thought, starting to get scared. Just then he heard the door unlocking and looked over, seeing Dr. McKenna come in, carrying his computer. "It's good to see you awake," he said, opening the computer for him and handing it to him. Nick searched for the button to raise the bed up, he couldn't type laying fat on his back. "Here," the doctor said, pressing the button, "That OK?" Nick nodded, as he began to type. It took him longer because he couldn't use his left hand. Where am I? "You're in the hospital," Dr. McKenna answered. Nick shook his head, This doesn't look like any hospital I've ever seen. "That's because you're in the psych ward," the doctor said. Nick's mouth dropped open in shock. "Do you remember what happened yesterday?" he asked. Nick thought for a minute, Yesterday? The last thing I remember was ..... Oh God! "Nick? Can you tell me what happened?" Dr. McKenna asked, seeing the horrified look on the young man's face. Nick glanced at him, then shook his head. "You don't want to talk about it?" Dr. McKenna asked. "No," Nick said, looking down at his wrist again. "I know this is difficult to talk about, but we need to discuss this if I'm ever going to be able to help you," the doctor said. I want to see Diane, Nick typed. The doctor shook his head, "I'm sorry Nick, but I can't let you see her right now." "Why?!" he asked, getting upset. "Nick, you tried to kill yourself yesterday, and you almost succeeded. I can't let anyone see you until I find out what happened. It's as much for your safety as well as theirs," the doctor explained. Nick turned his head away from the doctor, letting his tears slide down his cheeks. Dr. McKenna watched him cry for a few minutes, hoping that eventually he would start telling him what happened, but as the minutes wore on, it seemed it wasn't going to happen. "Nick, I'm going to go and let you rest for a while. I'll come back later, and maybe we can talk then," he said, getting up to leave. He got to the door, when he heard the pager go off on Nick's computer. Dr. McKenna turned around and walked over to Nick. He was there. "Who was?" he asked. Tim. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ "Brian, hello?" Brandi said, waving her hand in front of his face. "Huh? Oh sorry," Brian said. "Where were you? Cause obviously your not here in therapy," she said. Brian smiled, "Sorry Brandi, I just have a lot on my mind today. Guess I'm not really paying attention." "Yeah, you could say that. Why don't we quit for the day then," she suggested. Brian shook his head, "No, I need to keep doing this. I need to be on my feet as soon as possible." She looked at him, concerned, "Why the sudden urgency?" "Because my friend needs me and I've gotta be able to help him when he calls," Brian said. "And you can't help him if you're still in the wheel chair?" she asked. "I dunno. Something just tells me I need to be on my feet as soon as possible," he said. "Alright then, let's get back to it," Brandi said. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Dr. McKenna sat on the edge of the bed and stared at Nick, "Tim was there, at your house?" Nick shook his head, trying to put his thoughts in order. Dr. McKenna saw the frustration on his face, "Nick, tell me everything you remember, starting when your therapist got there." I was out on the patio when John got there. I like to sit out there and watch the waves. It's the only thing that helps take my mind off the constant memories. Anyway, we talked for a few minutes, then we went inside. "Do you remember what you talked about?" he asked. Nick shook his head, The weather I think. I'm not sure. "OK, so what happened after you went in the house?" Dr. McKenna asked. Another memory hit. "Can you tell me what it was about?" he asked. Nick bit his lip, willing the tears away, It was the first time he raped me. It was awful, and it was so real. It was like I was there all over again, like it was happening to me again, and when the memory faded he was there, standing right in front of me. "Who was, Tim?" Dr. McKenna asked. Nick nodded, wiping the tears from his face, I had to get away from him. I don't remember anything else except him yelling at me, trying to get to me. Then all of a sudden Diane was there, and I was bleeding. "So you don't remember cutting yourself," he asked. Nick shook his head. "Nick, the other day when I asked you if you thought about hurting yourself, you shrugged your shoulders. Had you thought about doing this, cutting your wrists?" Dr. McKenna asked. Nick looked down at his hands for a long time before he nodded. I tried it once before, but Brian found me before I could do anything. "I see, and do you still want to hurt yourself?" he asked. I don't want to die, I couldn't leave Diane, I love her to much. But the memories won't stop, I'm not sure I can take it much longer. Dr. McKenna noticed the fear in Nick's eyes and the exhaustion in his face. "Nick, just try and hang in there, I'm doing my best to help you alright?" he said. Nick nodded. "Are you hungry?" he asked. "Yes," Nick said, not having eaten since the day before. "Alright, I'll have them bring up a tray and let you rest for a while. I'll come back later and we can talk some more," Dr. McKenna said, getting up. Nick watched him leave the room, and settled back in bed. He didn't want to be here, but at least here John couldn't get to him. The only problem was, he didn't know what was going on outside his room. He needed to make sure Diane was safe, and he couldn't do that, locked in here. He needed to get out, but he wasn't sure his brain was going to let him. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Dr. McKenna walked into the waiting room, seeing Diane and Bob there. They had arrived early that morning in the hopes of seeing Nick. "How is he? Is he awake yet?" Bob asked. "He is," the doctor said. "So can we see him?" Diane asked. Dr. McKenna shook his head, "Not right now. I need to talk with him more before I let anyone see him." "Why? What's wrong?" Diane asked. Dr. McKenna sat down with them, "His memories seemed to have taken over his reality. I'm not sure he can separate the two, and until he can, he still poses a danger to himself and everyone around him." "So what does that mean? He can't separate them?" Bob asked. "He told me he had a very bad memory and when it left that Tim was still there, when in actuality it was John. Nick was reacting to Tim, not realizing that it wasn't him. That makes him dangerous, because it could happen again. This time Nick hurt himself, but he could have very well turned on John and hurt him," the doctor explained. Diane laughed, "I'm not sure anything could hurt John." Dr. McKenna smiled, "He does seem to be able to take care of himself, but you see what I'm saying." "Yeah," Bob said, "What you're telling me is that my son has lost all sense of reality." "Not all," the doctor said, "But as long as he's having the memories like this, we can't risk it." "So what happens now?" Diane asked. "Now we monitor him. I've cleared my schedule for the next few days. Unless there's an emergency, I will be splitting my time between monitoring him and talking with him," he said. "So you'll be watching him then?" Bob asked. "Yes, I've found it works best to watch the person for a while before you really dive into therapy. You pick up a lot of things in their behavior that you wouldn't see just sitting and talking to them," Dr. McKenna said, "Why don't you both go home and get some rest. I'll call you this afternoon after I've talked with him some more, let you know how things are going." "I don't want to leave," Diane said. Dr. McKenna sighed, seeing the determined look on her face, "Alright, you're welcome to stay here, but I can't promise you'll get to see him today." "I know, I just need to be as close to him as I can," she said. "Alright, I'll come by later, let you know what's going on," Dr. McKenna said, standing up. "Thanks," Bob said, as he left the room. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Dr. McKenna sat watching the monitor. Nick had eaten breakfast and then gone back to sleep for a while. Now he seemed to be in the midst of a nightmare. He was restless, sweating and breathing rapidly. Every once in a while he'd mutter something, but the only word he could recognize was no. Suddenly Nick jerked awake, screaming at the top of his lungs. The doctor watched him as he frantically looked around the room, his eyes wide with fear and his body trembling. After a moment Nick seemed to realize where he was. He calmed down a bit and curled himself into a ball, hugging a pillow to his chest and sobbing into it. Dr. McKenna jotted a few notes down. Monitoring Nick was proving to be difficult because Nick couldn't verbalize what he was experiencing. Most people would talk in their sleep, yell at whatever it was that was haunting them, giving him some clue as to where to start in therapy. Nick wasn't able to do that. Not that he wasn't trying, but nothing came out that was understandable. "I've got to find some way for him to express what he's feeling without having to type it," he told himself. Nick's cries brought him out of his thoughts. The doctor watched as Nick seemed to be staring at something in the room, but there was nothing there. Nick kept shaking his head and saying no over and over. Dr. McKenna could see the utter fear in the young man's eyes, and wondered what it was that he was seeing. Nick slid down in the bed, pulling the pillow he'd been hugging over his head. His sobbing turned into full on wailing as he tried to hide from whatever it was that was after him. Dr. McKenna was growing concerned as Nick's heart rate increased dramatically. He got up and left the room. A moment later he and two orderlies carefully entered Nick's room. Nick jerked when he heard the door open, and he looked up. Dr. McKenna knew instantly that Nick wasn't seeing him. "Nick, it's alright," he said. Nick shook his head, his eyes wide with fear, "No!" He instantly pulled the pillow back over his head, crying even louder than before. "Nick, It's Dr. McKenna. I'm not going to hurt you, alright?" he said, moving towards the IV. "No," Nick mumbled under the pillow, pulling his knees even tighter to his chest. The orderlies stood on each side of the bed, just in case Nick decided to do something. Dr. McKenna inserted the needle into the IV and watched as the sedative ran down the tube into Nick's hand. "Nick, I gave you something to help calm you down, OK? You'll probably go to sleep for a little bit," he said. Nick jerked the pillow off his face and tried to sit up, but was to weak to. The orderlies were right there, ready to grab him if need be. "Nick, look at me," Dr. McKenna said. Nick looked at him, blinking his eyes a few times as the drug started to calm him down. "Tell me who you see," Dr. McKenna said. Nick stared at him for a long time, realization slowly creeping into his face. "Who do you see Nick?" the doctor asked again. You. "Tell me who you is," he instructed. Dr. McKenna. "Who was here, before you realized it was me?" he asked. Him. Dr. McKenna told the orderlies to leave, seeing Nick was calming down and back in his right state of mind. Why won't this stop? Nick asked. "I don't know. That's what we've got to figure out," the doctor said. Nick took the pillow he'd been hugging and used the corner of it to wipe his face with, then held it to him again. His eyes were drifting shut, and he was fighting to stay awake. "Go to sleep Nick, we'll talk when you wake up," Dr. McKenna said. Nick nodded, closing his eyes and quickly drifting to sleep. Dr. McKenna waited a moment, making sure he was sleeping, then turned off his computer and laid it on the tray table, walking out of the room. Why do I get the feeling you're not telling me everything? he thought, heading down the hall. Chapter 39 |