| Chapter 36 Nick pushed his food around in his plate. Diane watched him, concerned that he was still not feeling well. "Baby, are you sure you feel like having therapy today?" she asked, "I can still call and cancel." Nick shook his head, opening his computer: I'm fine, I'm just not hungry. Diane got up to clear the dishes from the table and bent down kissing him on the forehead, "Alright, I'll put what's left in the frig incase you change your mind later." Nick nodded, getting up and going out to the patio. Truth be told, he was starving. But he wasn't about to eat and then have a repeat of what happened yesterday. His throat was still sore from throwing up. He sighed as he watched the waves. The day was perfect, sunny, not to hot. A great day to be out on the water. Nick wished he was, but instead he was here, about to endure yet another day of hell. Why can't this end? Please I just need this to stop before I completely lose it, he thought. He felt his tears slide down his cheeks and wiped them away. Great, more tears. Isn't there a limit on how much a person can cry? he asked himself. He got up and walked to the end of the patio and sat down on the steps leading to the beach, placing his head in his hands. It seemed everywhere he looked the memories would bombard him. In the last few days they had been coming more and more frequently. All he wanted to do was close his eyes once without being reminded of what happened to him, and what was happening now. He pulled his knees to his chest and rested his head on them. Please, I need out! God please, I can't do this anymore! he cried. Nick jumped when he felt a hand on his shoulder. He looked up into the hazel eyes he loved so much, and saw how concerned they were. "Nick, let me cancel your therapy today," she said. Nick shook his head, frantically brushing the tears from his face. "Baby, you obviously don't feel like doing it," she insisted. Nick got up and walked back into the house, grabbing his computer off the table: I have to. Diane looked at him confused, "What do you mean you have to? Nick, no one's forcing you to do this. It's not gonna hurt to skip one day." I didn't mean it like that. It's just that I need to do this. I want to talk again, I have to. And therapy is the only way I'm gonna do that. I'm fine, I just ... I didn't sleep well last night, and I'm just tired, that's all, he typed, hoping she believed him. Diane stared at him for a moment. She didn't feel right about leaving him today. He seemed so fragile to her, but if this is what he wanted, then she would respect that. "Alright, but I'm only going to your parents house, OK? If you need me I'm like two minutes away," she said. He nodded, as the door bell rang. Diane pulled him down and kissed his lips for a moment, "I love you." Nick smiled at her, then she went to answer the door. "Afternoon," John said as he walked in. "Hey John," Diane said, glancing back at Nick. He had gone back outside. "Something wrong?" John asked. "Um, I'm not sure. He seems really down today. I dunno if he's still not feeling well, or what it is," she said. "OK, I'll keep an extra eye on him for ya," John said. "Thanks, I'm gonna be at Bob's if you need me," she said, grabbing her purse and keys. "Alright," John said, watching as she left. He waited until Diane had backed down the drive before turning and walking to the patio doors. He stood there for a moment watching Nick. He looked defeated. There was an immense sadness to his face and his eyes seemed devoid of any of the light they used to have. "I'm sorry Nick," John whispered as he opened the doors and walked out. Nick looked up at him for a moment, then down at his feet. "Nice day huh?" John asked. Nick nodded. John sat down next to him, "So what's with all the doom and gloom today? You aren't still upset about yesterday are you?" Nick turned his head away from John. "I see. Nick, you're gonna have to get used to this. You can't let it affect you like it has been. Just take it for what it is," John said. Nick looked back over at him. "It's love Nick. The sooner you accept that, the easier this will be," he said. Nick closed his eyes and shook his head. John reached over and took Nick's hand, standing up, "Come on, let's go." Nick stood up and let John lead him back into the house and upstairs. Nick sat down on the bed, staring at the floor. He couldn't look at John. John stared at him for a moment then sat next to him, taking his left hand and unstrapping the metal brace. Nick grabbed it, wanting to keep it on. "I want it off, besides you're going to the doc next week to see about getting it off anyway. I'm sure it's healed by now," John said, sliding the brace off and dropping it to the floor. Nick cringed as John took his hand and kissed it. "Nick, look at me," John commanded. Nick shook his head. "I want you to look at me," John said, pulling his face up and making Nick look at him. "You need to stop this �oh woe is me' act. It's not gonna work with me," John said, pulling Nick into a fiery kiss. Nick closed his eyes, his body trembling with fear and anger as another memory filled his head. "Listen you little shit, you better stop acting like this!" Tim yelled. Nick stood before the man, trembling with fear. "I mean it. If another one of the guys comes to me about the way you've been acting, I'll hurt them," he said. "No! Please don't do that!" Nick begged, "I'll stop I swear!" "You bet you will, cause I'm gonna teach you a lesson you'll never forget," Tim spat. Nick watched in horror as Tim pulled a roll of duct tape out of a drawer and came towards him. "No Tim, please!" Nick cried, backing away from him. He couldn't go far, the room wasn't that big. Tim grabbed him and threw him on the bed, quickly taping his hands together behind his back. Nick was screaming at him to stop, and struggling against him, but Tim was to strong. He taped Nick's mouth shut, then threw the tape in the floor. Tim grabbed him by the hair and pulled his head up, "You're in for the ride of your life." Nick's heart was in his throat as Tim let go of him long enough to rid him of his jeans and underwear, exposing his backside to him. Then Tim grabbed his head again, forcing it into the pillows. He laughed, "Hang on Nicky, it's gonna be a bumpy ride......" "NO!!!" Nick screamed, pushing John off him. Nick tried to get off the bed, but John grabbed his left wrist and yanked him back. Nick screamed in pain as he felt his wrist snap under John's grasp. "Nick, calm down," John said. Nick shook his head, barely able to breathe. He looked around frantically, searching for somewhere to run. He had to get out of this room, and away from him. Nick struggled against the larger man, finally breaking free. He ran for the bathroom, quickly slamming the door and locking it. "Nick, come out right now!" John yelled. He could hear Nick searching through the cabinets. He was crying and saying no, over and over. "Nick, open the door!" John yelled, hearing something break. "Oh God," John muttered as he ran for the phone in the room and hit the speed dial. "Hello." "Bob, it's John." "What's wrong?" Bob asked, hearing the urgency in John's voice. "Something happened. Nick started freaking out and now he's locked himself in the bathroom," John said, "I can hear stuff breaking." "We're coming, hang on," Bob said, hanging up the phone. John ran back to the door, "Nick, Bob and Diane are on their way. Please open the door." "No!" Nick screamed. "I'm coming in there if I have to break the door down!" John yelled. He backed up and kicked at the door as hard as he could. After a few more kicks the lock broke and the door swung open. John's mouth dropped open and his heart leapt into his throat. The bathroom was in shambles and there were broken pieces of plastic all over the counter. Nick was standing in the corner facing him. Tears streaming down his face as he trembled. John took a step towards him, but stopped when he saw what Nick was holding. Nick stared at John as he pressed the blade to his left wrist. "Nick don't! You don't want to do that," John said. Nick glared at him through his tears as he lifted his arm. He wanted John to see this. Wanted him to know that he was the cause of this. "Nick please!" John begged. Nick shook his head, pressing the blade into his skin as far as he could push it, then sliding it up his wrist. "Oh God, no!" John screamed, watching as the blood poured to the floor. Nick pulled the blade out and switched hands with it, but he had trouble holding it in his left hand. John frantically searched for some way to make him stop. "Nick, if you do this, who's going to protect them?" he asked. Nick stared at him through his tears, and John knew he had him. "Nick if you die, who's going to protect Diane and Aaron? Think about it," he said. "Nick?!" Diane yelled from downstairs. "Up here, hurry!" John yelled back. Nick watched as Diane and Bob ran into the room, horrified at what they saw. "Oh God Nick," Diane said, tears instantly in her eyes. "Son, put the razor blade down and let us help you," Bob said, holding his hands up and trying to move closer to Nick. Nick shook his head, still holding the blade to his wrist. "Nick, please," John said, moving to the other side of him. Nick looked back and forth between his dad and John. He was cornered, and they were coming at him from both sides. He looked down, realizing he was standing in a pool of his own blood, and feeling weaker by the second. "Nick, baby please. I love you. Please let us help you," Diane said, slowly walking towards him. Nick looked into her eyes, seeing the pain and concern there. Oh God, what have I done?! , he asked himself. He dropped the razor blade and leaned against the wall. Bob and John were at his side in an instant, letting him lean on them as they walked him over to the sink. Diane quickly wrapped towels around his wrist, but just as she would get one around it, it was already blood soaked. "God this is bad," she said. "We need to call an ambulance," Bob said. John shook his head, "We can't wait that long. We need to take him." "John's right, he's lost to much blood already," Diane said, grabbing several towels and wrapping them all at once around his wrist. "OK, let's go then," Bob said. John and Bob carried Nick downstairs and out of the house. They put him in the back seat of his SUV and jumped in. John got in the drivers seat, "Hang on, I'm not touching the breaks till we get there." Diane sat in the back, Nick's head on her lap, "Nick, look at me." He looked up, but almost as soon as he did, his eyes were shut again. "Nick, wake up," Diane said, shaking him. When he didn't respond, she broke down in tears, "Hurry John!" John floored the vehicle, blowing through stop signs and red lights until they pulled into the emergency entrance of the hospital. He stopped right next to the doors and threw the truck in park as he was already getting out. He and Bob grabbed Nick and carried him inside. "Help!" Bob said as they walked in, leaving a trail of blood behind them. Several nurses and a doctor rushed to them, leading them into a room where they placed Nick down on the bed. "What happened?" the doctor asked. "He cut his wrist," Bob answered. "How long ago?" he asked. "About ten minutes," John answered. The three stepped back and watched as the doctor gave orders to the nurses and everyone worked furiously to try and stop the bleeding. After a few moments a nurse came over and ushered them out of the room. They stood in the hall, watching as they hooked Nick up to various monitors and continued to work on clamping off the damaged veins in his wrist. Bob put his arm around Diane's shoulders and held her tight. Both were in tears, watching as Nick fought for his life. John stood to the side, lost in his own sorrow. He had done this to Nick. He knew it. Why couldn't he stop himself? He knew Nick was really depressed, why did he make himself believe that he was faking? Maybe Nick was right? How could this be love if he hurt Nick like this? John looked over as the doctor came out. "We're taking him up to surgery," he said. "Surgery? What for?" Bob asked. "He's done considerable damage to the vein in his wrist, and he also hit the artery underneath it. We can't stop the bleeding without going in and repairing them both," the doctor answered. "But his blood pressure is to low for surgery," Diane said, having overheard them calling out his vitals. The doctor nodded, "It is, but we don't have a choice. If we don't operate, he'll bleed to death." "And if you do he could go into shock on the table and die," Diane said. "It is a possibility," the doctor conceded. "How long will the surgery take?" Bob asked. "I'm not sure, we won't know the full extent of the damage until we get in there. I'll send someone in to let you know how things are progressing, but we've got to get moving," he said. Bob nodded his head, as the doctor went back into the room. A few minutes later they wheeled Nick out and down the hall to the elevators. A nurse came up to them, "If you will follow me, I'll take you to a private waiting room." The three followed her into the elevator and up a few floors to the surgical wing. She took them into a small waiting room. It had two couches and a few chairs, a TV and a snack machine. "Can I get you anything?" the nurse asked. Diane nodded, "Can you call Dr. McKenna and let him know what's happened? Nick is one of his patients." "Certainly," she said, turning for the door, "When I hear something I'll let you know." "Thank you," Diane said, sitting down and looking out the window. John sat down next to her and wrapped his arm around her shoulder, "I'm sure he'll be alright." Diane shook her head, "I shouldn't have left. I knew something was wrong before you even got there." "Di, you can't blame yourself for this. No one could've known what he was going to do," John said. Diane looked up at him, "What happened?" John shook his head as Bob sat down with them. "I'm not sure. One minute we were getting ready to start our session, and the next he was looking at me like I was a ghost or something. Then he ran upstairs and locked himself in the bathroom, that's when I called you," he said. "But how did he get his brace off? I saw it next to the bed as we were walking out, how'd it get there?" she asked. "I grabbed him about halfway up the stairs by it. He pulled so hard it came off in my hands and when I got up there I just threw it out of the way," John said, hoping that sounded believable. "Why would he do this?" Bob asked, "I thought the whole purpose of seeing the shrink was to get better." "It is," Diane said, "But he just started going. It doesn't work overnight." Bob ran his hand through his hair, "I need to call Jane, and the guys ... let them know what's going on." "You know they'll all be here on the next flight," Diane said. "I know, I'm gonna try and convince them to stay though. At least until we know what's going on with him. I know he hasn't been talking to them lately and he might not want them here when he wakes up," Bob said. "That's probably a good idea," Dr. McKenna said from the door. "Doc, did they tell you what happened?" Diane asked. He nodded, "I was here seeing another patient when they beeped me. I'm going now to see if I can find out how his surgery is going." Diane nodded. Dr. McKenna stepped into the room a bit more and looked at the three. They all had blood on their clothes, and looked extremely worried. "Guys, I want to tell you what will happen. When Nick gets out of surgery he will be placed on a suicide watch. He'll probably be here for several days, and during that time, his visitation will be limited. I'll have to find out what triggered this and how best to treat it before he is allowed to go home," he said, "So call his friends and family and let them know what is going on, but ask them to stay where they are for now. Most people who attempt suicide feel like a failure after words because they didn't succeed, and they refuse to see their family because they are ashamed of what they've done. Explain that to them and let them know you'll call when he does feel like seeing them. Maybe that will help." Bob sighed, "Alright, I'll try that. Thanks." "I'll go check on Nick now," the doctor said, heading for the door. "Doc, is there anything we can do to help?" John asked. "Yeah, after we make sure Nick's going to be alright, I want to talk with each of you privately. I need to find out what happened today if I'm going to get Nick through this," he answered, then left the room. John swallowed hard, that wasn't the answer he wanted to hear. Chapter 37 |