| Chapter 31 Diane stood at the patio doors watching Nick. She had awoke to an empty bed and wondered downstairs to find him, spotting him on the beach. He seemed lost and afraid. Even from the house she could sense his despair and wondered what was going on to cause it. She knew Nick was remembering everything that happened to him, but surely that wasn't the only thing causing him to act this way. She sighed, wishing that he would trust her enough to tell her what was really wrong. "Hey," Howie said, walking up behind her. She turned around, "Morning." Howie looked past her seeing Nick sitting on the beach. "How long has he been out there?" he asked. Diane shrugged her shoulders, "Not sure. I woke up and he was gone." "Well, I got up around five and he was down here. I think he was trying to make coffee, but he wasn't getting anywhere with it," he said. Diane smiled, "He does that. It's part of that sequencing problem the doctor talked about. Sometimes he just forgets what goes first or what order things go in." "That has to be frustrating," Howie said. "It is. So did he say anything to you?" she asked. He nodded, "He said that he was remembering things and he was having trouble dealing with them." "That's all?" she asked. "Yeah, I suggested that maybe he should see someone. I'm not sure he wants to though," Howie said. "Yeah, he can be stubborn sometimes," Diane smiled. "That he can," Howie agreed. They walked into the kitchen, Diane pouring out the old coffee and starting a fresh pot. "Howie, can you um .... can you tell me what he was like when everything was happening?" she asked. Howie looked down, thinking. "Well at first we just thought he was homesick. That's what he blamed his behavior on anyway, but it went way beyond what you should feel when you're just homesick. He kinda withdrew from everyone. Brian was the only one around him for long periods of time, and that was only because they shared a room. He stopped hanging around with us, basically he stopped doing everything he wasn't contractually obligated to. He'd stay in his room and not come out until we had to be somewhere. Brian said most of the time he just stared out the window with this lost look on his face. It got to the point that we were afraid to leave him alone. He seemed so depressed all the time. Nothing made him laugh, or brought a smile to his face. It was hard to watch him turn into that, because he was such a happy, bubbly kid ya know?" he said. Diane nodded, pouring Howie a cup and both sitting down at the table. A.J. wondered in still half asleep. He went straight for the coffee, pouring himself some then came over and sat down, "Morning," he mumbled. "Morning bright eyes," Diane teased. A.J. grinned at her, then went back to sipping on his coffee. "Go on Howie," Diane prompted. "Anyway, Brian found him in the bathroom one night after a concert. He was curled in a ball on the floor crying with a razor blade in his hand. He wanted to kill himself but couldn't go through with it. After that we tried to get him some help, but he refused to see anyone. Even got angry with us if we suggested it," he said. A.J. nodded, "Those were seriously bad times." "So how long did it go on before Brian stopped it?" Diane asked. A.J. and Howie looked at each other. "The best we could figure it was the better part of eight months," Howie answered. Diane closed her eyes and shook her head, "Eight months, God." "Yeah, and it was months after before he would even talk to Brian about what happened," A.J. said. "It took him a long time to move past it. It was hard for him to, with us being on the road all the time and new people in and out of our lives so often. He just kinda became skeptical of everyone. He really only trusted us, and sometimes I even wondered about that," Howie said. "But finally we got the old Nick back, the one that was playful and happy," A.J. said, smiling. Diane looked at them both, "So, do you guys see any of that behavior now?" "Some," Howie admitted, "But it could just be the memories." "Wait, I'm lost," A.J. said, "I knew he really didn't seem like himself last night, but what's this about memories?" "Nick's been remembering what happened to him lately," Diane explained. "Oh damn," A.J. said. She nodded her head, "I'm really worried about him." Howie put his hand on her shoulder, "I know. Maybe we could talk to Brian about it, see if he could get him to open up and talk?" "Maybe, I just .... I don't want him to think that I'm forcing him to do something he's not ready to do though," she said. "He won't think that," A.J. said, "Brian won't tell him we called." "But won't Nick know that if Bri starts asking him all these questions?" she asked. "Naw, he won't. Him and Brian have this vibe with each other. It's the weirdest thing I've ever seen. It's like they know what the other one is feeling sometimes," A.J. said. "Yeah, Nick will just think that Brian's picked up on him somehow, he won't be mad," Howie agreed. "OK, will you guys do that? Call Brian and fill him in on what's going on?" she asked. "Of course," Howie said, "We'll call him when we leave, that way we won't risk Nick hearing us." "Thanks," she said. Nick walked in the house carrying his blanket and empty cup, Misha by his side. He threw the blanket down on one of the couches and put his cup in the sink. He knew the three were watching him, and he wondered what the looks on their faces were about. He turned around and smiled at Diane. She got up and hugged him, "Man you're arms are cold," she said pulling back. He nodded, pointing upstairs. "OK, go get a hot shower and I'll have breakfast done when you get out," she said. He smiled at her again, leaning down and kissing her cheek before he headed upstairs. A.J. laughed when Nick was out of ear shot, "Seems Brian's not the only one that has a weird vibe with Nick." Diane smiled, "Our vibe isn't weird, we just ... understand each other." Howie got up to help her, "Well I think it's wonderful that you two can communicate without words. Sometimes words just get in the way." "Isn't that a song?" A.J. asked. "What?" Diane asked. "Sometimes words get in the way," A.J. sang, "Well if it's not, it should be. Come here D, we got something going here." Howie laughed, as A.J. found something to write on and started jotting down things. "Come on man, there's a good song in here somewhere," A.J. whined. Diane laughed as Howie rolled his eyes and went to sit at the table with A.J. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Nick sat on the boat watching A.J. and Howie try to fish. He laughed at the two. Of course they weren't catching anything, they were to busy arguing to pay attention to their poles. After breakfast they had decided to go out on the boat for a while. Nick was glad, he needed this. The waves lulling him, relaxing him better than anything else. He looked over at Diane in her bikini .... Well, almost anything else, he smiled. She walked over to him, "Baby will you put some of this on my back?" Nick sat up taking the lotion and gently rubbing it into her skin. "Mmm, that feels good," she said, her eyes closed. Nick leaned down and kissed her shoulder. She laughed, "That feels even better." Nick stretched out next to her on the back of the boat and stared at her. She smiled at him, "I love you too." He smiled, but she could see something flash in his eyes. It was almost like .... guilt? He took her hand and kissed the back of it, then put his head down and closed his eyes. "Are you tired?" she asked. He nodded. "You didn't get much sleep last night did you?" she asked. He looked at her and shook his head, and apologetic look on his face. "You wanna head in? Get some rest before A.J. drags you out tonight?" she asked. Nick looked over at the two, still in an argument about the lyrics to �A.J.'s song'. He looked back at Diane and nodded. "OK, you lay here and rest, we'll be heading back in a sec," she said, getting up and going over to break up the argument so they could leave. Nick laughed to himself as she sternly told A.J. and Howie just how things were gonna be. She has a lot of Kevin in her, he thought, glad he wasn't on the receiving end of her lecture. After a few minutes they were on their way back to the house. Nick sat up and watched the water. He had thought all morning about what he should do, what he could do to get out of his situation, and came up with nothing. He hadn't found one way to get John out of his life that didn't end with someone he loved getting hurt. So he made his decision. He had to endure what John was doing to him. There was no other way. So he set his mind to tolerate John and hoped that he would get bored with him soon and leave. He knew the price he was paying by doing this. He knew he was slowly losing himself. That soon he would completely shut down emotionally, it being the only way he could handle it without going insane. But he was willing to do that to keep the ones he loved safe. He sighed as the boat bumped the pier and A.J. and Howie jumped out to anchor it. He got up and stepped off the boat, heading to the house. He was determined to enjoy his weekend with the guys, because he knew come Monday, his own personal hell would take over.... and he was going to let it. Chapter 32 |