| Chapter 30 "Please....please don't do this!" Nick begged, struggling against the larger mans grip. "I told you to be quiet, am I gonna have to gag you like last time?" Tim asked angrily. Nick bit his lip as tears fell down his face, "No, not that again, please," he said meekly. "Then shut up," Tim said, forcing Nick on the bed. Nick closed his eyes as Tim started stripping him of his clothing, running his hands over Nick's body. "That's more like it," Tim said, leaning in for a kiss .................. Nick jerked awake, sitting straight up in bed. He blinked his eyes several times, trying to get the image out of his head. He looked over at Diane, making sure he didn't wake her, then carefully got out of bed and headed downstairs. Misha followed him, looking at him with a question in her little pug face. Nick smiled at her when they reached the bottom of the stairs, walking over and letting her out the patio doors. It was still early, the sun hadn't even made it's morning appearance over the horizon yet. Nick stared out into the night, wishing his nightmare would end. After a few moments he turned and went into the kitchen. He knew there was no way he'd be going back to sleep, so he decided to make some coffee. He pulled the coffee maker out from under the counter and looked around for the filters and the coffee. Diane had moved a few things in the kitchen to make it easier for her to reach. Nick smiled, the thought of her having to use a step stool to reach everything was amusing. OK, back to the coffee, he told himself, finding the filters. He stared at the machine, his brain freezing on what he was suppose to do next. Damn it! All I want is some damn coffee! Work you stupid brain! Nick chewed on his lip as he glanced from the filters to the coffee, then to the machine. After a few moments he was completely frustrated with himself and almost threw the coffee across the room, until he remembered that everyone was asleep and he'd probably wake them all up if he did that. He leaned on the counter putting his head in his hands, Why can't I do this? I know this for Christ's sake! I'm freaking twenty-five, I can make coffee. "Hey, need some help?" Howie asked as he walked across the living room. Nick looked up, surprised he was awake so early. Howie saw the look on his face, "I heard you get up. Wanted to make sure everything was OK." Nick sighed, shrugging his shoulders as Howie started making the coffee. After he got it brewing he looked at Nick, "You wanna talk?" Nick looked away from Howie, biting his lip. Howie smiled, "Nick, I know that look. Something is bugging you, so lets sit and talk, K?" Nick nodded, walking over to the table and sitting down, reaching over and grabbing his computer from where he left it. "So, what's going on? Are you and Diane having problems?" Howie asked. Nick shook his head: No, we're great. "So then what is it? I know something is off, you're not acting like yourself," Howie said. Nick sighed, thinking for a long time before he typed anything: D, I'm having problems dealing with everything. "What kind of things?" Howie asked, walking over and pouring them both a cup of coffee, bringing them back. Just stuff, Nick typed. Howie shook his head, "This is not just stuff Nick. I know you, I know how you act when something is bothering you and you don't want anyone to know about it. I watched you all evening, and I only saw you truly smile once. That's not like you Nick." Am I that obvious? Nick typed. Howie nodded, "Plain as day. So, tell me what's going on, maybe I can help?" Nick sighed, staring at the keyboard for a moment: They're back. Howie looked at him confused, "What is?" The memories, everything that bastard did to me. It's all back and I can't stop it, he typed. Howie put his hand on Nick's back, "Nick, I'm sorry. I know that must be awful having to relive it, but why after all this time?" Nick shook his head, forcing himself not to cry, I don't know, but I can't sleep and I'm a nervous wreak. I don't know how much longer I can take this. Howie thought for a moment, "Does Di know about what happened?" Nick nodded, Aaron told her. Howie leaned back in his chair and stared outside for a moment, then looked at Nick. "I know that when this happened, you refused to see someone about it. Maybe you should now?" he suggested. You mean a shrink? Nick asked. "Yeah, it could help you work though this," he said. Nick shook his head, I can't D. I could never tell a stranger what happened. Hell I never even told you guys, Brian did, and I made him promise not to tell details. I can't do it. "I understand that Nick, but what price are you paying by not seeking help? You look like shit, your nerves are shot, we all can see how this is affecting you. You aren't happy, and you may not ever be until you work through this. Until you can face the memories instead of running from them," Howie said. Nick sighed. Howie was making a lot of sense, and he hated that. "Do you think that the trauma of the accident maybe somehow brought all this back?" he asked. Nick shrugged his shoulders. "Do you remember any of it? The accident?" Howie asked. No, none of it. I remember Diane waking us up, and then nothing until I woke up in the tent. Why? Nick typed. "I dunno, just thinking I guess. That maybe somehow your brain is trying to remember the accident but instead is bringing back these things you've purposely blocked out," he replied. Nick laughed, You shoulda been a shrink, that kinda made sense. Howie smiled, "Just trying to help." I know, thank you. Just you guys being here has helped a lot, Nick typed. "Well I had to do something. A.J. was driving me nuts! So I figured I'd come down and farm him off on ya'll for a while," he laughed. Nick chuckled, Gee, thanks. "You're welcome," Howie said, getting up and placing his cup in the sink, "I'm gonna see if I can get a few more hours of sleep before everyone gets up. You gonna be alright?" Nick nodded. Howie patted him on the shoulder, "OK, think about what I said. It couldn't hurt to see someone, if anything it might help." Nick watched his friend ascend the stairs and go into Diane's bedroom. He got up, grabbed his coffee and a blanket from the closet in the living room and headed outside. He needed to think about everything, and the only place he could do that was near one of the only things that seemed to calm him. He headed down to the beach and sat as close to the water as he could get without getting wet. He wrapped the blanket around him and stared off into the horizon. God, what am I gonna do? I have to make this end, before it destroys everything. But how? How do I do that and keep Diane and Aaron safe at the same time? I need help here, please God, I've never asked you for anything, but I need help. Please .... just make this end. Chapter 31 |