| Chapter 29 Kevin lay in his bed trying to sleep. That's all he wanted to do anymore was sleep. He had stopped talking to the nurses when they came in, and his daily therapy sessions where going nowhere fast. He had lost all hope of ever talking to Brian again. After what I did, he'll never speak to me again! Tracy came in with his supper, tonight it was steak. Kevin sat up and looked at the food, while Tracy was straightening up his room. Kevin stared at the silver ware, there were two knives on his tray. He knew it had to be a mistake, because they always counted to make sure they got everything that was brought in. Kevin saw that Tracy's back was to him, he took the extra knife and slipped it between his pillow and the mattress. Tracy turned around and looked at him. "Kevin, you need to eat," she said. "I'm not hungry," he said. "Oh, so you're finally talking again," Tracy said smiling at him. Kevin smiled back, "It's not you," he said. "Oh thanks, for a while there I was wondering what I did to piss you off," she said jokingly. Kevin let out a small laugh. Tracy walked up to him, "Kevin, I know you're dealing with a lot right now, but don't give up." Kevin looked at her wondering what prompted her to say that. "Tracy, can I ask you a question?" Kevin said. "Sure," Tracy answered sitting down in the chair next to him. "Do you believe in God?" Kevin asked. Tracy smiled, "Yes, I do. Why?" Kevin looked at the floor, not really knowing why he was asking her this, "I was just wondering why God would let something like this happen." "Kevin, I believe that things happen for a reason. It's not necessarily that God let's things happen, but maybe that he works through the things that do happen." Tracy said. Kevin thought for a minute, "So, maybe God didn't let this happen?" "Kevin, sometimes things just happen. But I do know one thing," Tracy said. "What's that?" Kevin asked. "I know that if you believe in God, he's here with you right now, going through everything that you are. He will carry you through the things you can't get through by yourself. All you have to do is trust him," Tracy said. Kevin sat there thinking about what Tracy had said. "Kevin, are you gonna eat anything?" Tracy asked. Kevin pushed the food tray away from him, "No, I'm just not hungry." Tracy got up and took the tray and headed for the door, "All right, I'll be back in a few," she said as she walked out the door. OK God, he kept it. Please tell me what you want me to do now, Tracy thought as she walked down the hall. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Brian sat alone in his room, looking out the window. God, it's me. Please help me to get over this anger and fear I have toward Kevin. I know that he was sick and didn't know what he was doing, but I'm still so angry at him. I don't understand how he let himself get like that. And what was it that caused him to handle things the way he did? Why couldn't he just cope with things like the rest of us do? All those things he said about when we were kids, I don't remember things being like that. I need help to understand, Please. God, thank you for sending Tara when you did, she's been so much help to me. Brian could feel a since of peace around him, he hadn't felt that in a long time. God please help me release this anger in me. Please help me to let go of the fear I have. And please help me to forgive Kevin. Brian was crying now, but he could feel the anger slipping away from him and a feeling of contentment replacing it. The fear was also leaving, and a peace was there in its place. Thank you. Leighanne knocked on the door, Brian got up and let her in. Leighanne could see that Brian was crying, "Sweetie, what's wrong?" she asked concerned. Brian said nothing but embraced her and continued to cry on her shoulder. Leighanne stayed and comforted him until he had cried himself to sleep. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Howie and A.J. sat in the living room pretending to watch the movie. They were really watching Nick and Tara talk. "What do you think about those two?" Howie asked. A.J. looked at him, "They should get a room," he said laughing. "Alex!" Howie said in shock. "Hey, I call em as I see em," A.J. retorted. Just then Nick and Tara started to kiss. Howie and A.J. gave each other a high five, "Finally!" Howie said. "Yeah, no kidding," A.J. said laughing. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Kevin sat in his room playing with the knife, thinking about what Tracy had told him. He could end it all right now if he wanted to, but he wasn't so sure. When he took the knife he had every intention of using it, now he didn't know. Tracy had said to trust in God, But I feel like my prayers don't get past the ceiling! Kevin thought. Kevin pulled his knees up to his chest and rested his head on his knees. He started rocking back and forth, he still had the knife in his hand as he began to cry. God, where are you when I need you? I don't know what to do anymore, please help me! I feel so guilty about what happened, I can never face my friends or my family again. It would be better for everyone if I just left, then they could get on with their lives. Kevin placed the blade of the knife against his wrist until it drew blood. Suddenly he felt a presence in the room with him, he looked up to see Tracy standing there, only she wasn't in her nurses uniform, she was in a long flowing gown, and she seemed to be glowing. Kevin blinked his eyes, he couldn't believe what he was seeing. "Kevin, you really don't want to do that," she said. "But I don't know what else to do," Kevin cried. Tracy walked over to him and took the knife from his hand, "Kevin, God hears your prayers." Kevin looked at her with such pain in his eyes, "I feel so alone," he said. "Oh, but you're not. God is with you always. He cares for you Kevin, and he wants you to forgive yourself, that is the only way anything will be resolved." Kevin looked down at his wrist, blood was dripping onto the sheet of his bed, "I don't think I can forgive myself," he said. Tracy reached down and took his face in her hands, and pulled him up to look at her. "Kevin, God forgives you. He loves you unconditionally. Now you must forgive yourself. You couldn't have stopped what was happening if you had tried, it was something that was suppose to happen. It's not your fault." Kevin sat there staring into Tracy's eyes. There was such peace and contentment in them. "If this was suppose to happen, why do I feel so alone, so abandoned?" he asked. Tracy looked at him, "Kevin, God has been with you every step of the way. Your alter is gone completely, you don't have to worry about him coming back. And the guys and Brian will forgive you, it's just gonna take some time," she said. "You know that?" Kevin asked with some hope in his eyes. "Yes, I have it on the highest authority," Tracy said smiling. Kevin nodded his head, and Tracy took his wrist in her hands, "Now, lets do something about this," she said. Kevin could feel a surge of energy go through his wrist, and when Tracy let go, there was no sign that he had ever cut it. Kevin looked down in amazement, "How did you.....?" When he looked up Tracy was gone. Kevin lay back down still holding his wrist. He was crying and quietly thanking God for intervening. He eventually cried himself to sleep. Chapter 30 |