(Hold cursor over pictures for special captions!)

Here is my pet turtle. I didn't like the way he was looking at me.

This is my friend Troy Scuetze. He's allergic to rain and was forced to live in my car for 2 weeks!

Here is me and my friend Rory discussing the finer points of where to hide a body. I think Twin Falls is a good place. Rory thinks I'm stupid. He disappeared shortly thereafter...

This is my friend Caleb. He's a good guy, just don't ask him what he thinks of the government!

Here's a picture of me in my Sex Pistols t-shirt I got from their last concert in Vancouver. It was stolen at Vanderhoof Rockfest in '01. Like O.J., I'm still looking for the culprit...

This is Dillon AKA: Graknor. His turn-ons include nipple rubs, meatball sandwiches, and girls with mustaches. His turn-offs are people who believe things they read on cheap internet sites.

This was my mail order bride. By the time she got here though, she was pretty beat up so I sent her back for a new one. I never heard from her again...

Here's a picture of me, Troy and Cordial at one of our jam sessions. This was taken 5 minutes before the shack mysteriously burned to the ground...

These 3 guys kept following me around all weekend. I didn't want to mess with them, the guy on the left looked like he might know some crazy karate sh*t!

I never asked to see their tounges, but they insisted on showing me anyway.

Unknown wrestler #1 (sorry) re-enacts the flying butt pliers as seen on Ren & Stimpy, much to the crowd's delight.

Gorgeous Michelle Starr unleashes some punishment after realizing that he's been wearing purple tights for the last 12 years.

After finding out what his son does for a living, Michelle Starr's dad whips him mercilessly in front of all his friends.