The story of my crusty hat started way back when I had just gotten back from the Gulf War. I was feeding starving kittens and whittling furniture with my trusty pocketknife when a shadow suddenly encompassed the whole block. Before I knew what was happening, Rita McNeil had already knocked me out of the way and devoured one of the kittens. I said, " You can't do that Rita McNeil, those are adorable kittens!". With that, I jumped in the nearest crane and pushed her over into the ocean, knowing all the while that Rita Mcneils can't swim because of their stubby arms and legs. Having saved the adorable kittens, the Mayor of Australia gave me this hat as a reward. Either that or I found it in a dumpster or something...
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