One day a boy was walking down the street when he saw a sea monster standing on the corner looking lost. The boy put a leash on the sea monster and took him to the police station. 'You should take him to the museum,' said the policeman ! The next day the policeman saw the boy in the town again with the monster on the leash. 'I thought I told you to take him to the museum,' said the policeman ! 'I did,' said the boy, 'and today I'm taking him to the cinema.'

A boy went to a Halloween party with a sheet over his head. 'Are you here as a ghost ?' asked his friends 'No, I'm an unmade bed.' Another boy wore a sheet over his head. 'Are you an unmade bed ?' asked his friends 'No,I'm an undercover agent,' he replied

A little boy came downstairs crying late one night. ' What's wrong ?' asked his mother Do people really come from dust, like they said in church ? he sobbed 'In a way they do,' said his mother ' And when they die do the turn back to dust ?' 'Yes, they do.' The little boy began to cry again. ' Well, under my bed there's someone either coming or going !'

Two girls were having their packed lunch in the school yard. One had an apple and the other said, 'Watch out for worms won't you !' The first one replied, 'why should I ? They can watch out for themselves.

'What were you before you came to school, girls ?' asked the teacher, hoping that someone would say babies. She was disappointed when all the girls cried out, 'Happy'.

Teacher: I'd like you to be very quiet today, girls. I've got a dreadful headache. Mary: Please, Miss ! why don't you do what mum does when she has a headache ? Teacher: What's that ? Mary: She sends us out to play !

'Please, Miss!' said a little girl at kindergarten. 'We're going to play elephants and circuses, do you want to join in ?' 'I'd love to,' said the teacher. 'What do you want me to do ?' 'You can be the lady that feeds us peanuts !'

'Now remember, girls,' said the science teacher. 'You can tell a tree's age by counting the rings in a cross section. One ring for each year.' Alice went home from school and found a chocolate roll on the table. 'I'm not eating that, mum,' she said. 'It's five years old.

Two girls were talking in the corridor. 'That boy over there is getting on my nerves,' said Clarrie. 'But he's not even looking at you,' replied Clara. 'That's what's getting on my nerves,' retorted Clarrie.

Monster:"I'm so ugly" Ghost:"It's not so bad" Monster:"When my grandfather was born they handed round cigars, when my father was born they passed round cigarettes, but when I was born they just passed out !"