The Clementines have always focused their energy on thwarting the Tangelonian Society and its doings. When the Tangelos recently held their First Annual Summer Solstice Festival, in the vicinity of the Bowels of Hell, naturally the Clementines were curious to find out more. So, cleverly disguised as Tangelonian Priests, Fuhrer Frauline Tangerine; her brother, the Duke of Watermelon; and Czarina Kumquat bravely snuck into the festival undercover as the Tangelos reached the peak of their festivities.
All the Clementines expected was to see a few pagan rituals, perhaps a little horseplay with fire, and some crappy guitar-playing. What the Clementines really uncovered shocked them, even to the extremes of their expectations. Here is what the Clementines saw in the two hours that they attended the dispicable Festival of the Summer Solstice:
* A horrible orgy, during which the Tangelos viewed an assortment of Japanese erotica (such as "Ricky-Oh!")
*Participants filling their clothes with popcorn (Derek)
*Obnoxious men flailing about, making obscene comments, disregarding the "Two-inch voice" rule and showing off/making a fool of themselves with fire (Jordan)
It was also reported to Czarina Kumquat that the festivites held at Pohlman Park included a Bug Spray Massacre, in which innocent victims were chased down and covered in DIT, a Bingo Game, in which the "winner" was rewarded with sardines, and a Scavenger Hunt, in which Tangelonian members used unfair tactics to have an advantage over those who had not yet joined the ranks of the Tangelos.
Does this sound like innocent fun to you? I'm sure it doesn't. Please help to make sure that this insanity never happens again. Next year, the Clementines will be ready. We will build up our forces. We will fight to wipe the Earth of this evil Pagan Ritual. You can bet your buttons.
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