| Recent Horrific Crimes Against Humanity |
| Recently there have been appalling acts commited against the world and the Clementine community in particular. One specific act of random violence against the Clementines has been called the equivalent of the Holocaust; its instigators have been nicknamed "Roman Hitlers". For historical purposes, this infamous event has officially been nicknamed "The Great Roman Clementine Massacre." Here's how it "went down"*: |
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| Imagine a cold, clear night in Rome, just after the turn of the new year. A group of approximately 40 American tourists have just finished feasting on a traditional, hearty Italian meal and listening to the crooning of three Italian musicians. Feeling full, satisfied, and entertained, the group prepared to return to their hotel for the night. As the group got ready to leave, the owner rushed out of the kitchen with a traditional Italian gift for each group member: a fresh, ripe Clementine. The group thanked the owner and left the restaurant, feeling happy. They were completely oblivious to the horrifying events that were about to follow. |
| *Some details may have been slightly fabricated in the description of this event. |
| As the group meandered its way to the bus, each group member coveted his or her clementine as if it was a precious treasure. However, at the sight of the group's bus driver, Vincenzo, a select few of the group members got careless. Myabe it was the excitement of being in a foreign city. Maybe it was something about the air/water in Rome. Maybe it was the noxious wine that the chicken was marinated in at dinner. Whatever the reason, these few select members thought it would be funny to roll their clementines across the street in the direction of the bus driver. "Vincenzo, catch!" they called as they rolled their clementines across the busy, lamplit road. Before any of the other group members had a chance to react, <<SPLAT>> the clementines were history; squashed flat by some random, unsuspecting Renault or Peugeot. Many tears were shed by Clementine members, for two brave and noble clementines lost their lives that night (well, in a manner of speaking, since technically clementines lose their lives when they are picked from the tree). |
| If you are not already crying from this heart-wrenching tale, you should be ashamed at your lack of emotion. However, if you are sobbing uncontrollably, please have hope! This kind of senseless violence can be stopped-- it starts with your support and concern. The moral of the story? Be kind to Clementines. Need I say more? |
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