| How to Become a Clementine Now you may be wondering, how do I become a member of this prestigious club? Well, the answer is rather simple... 1. Go to your local, or nearest, DMV. 2. Slowly approach the middle-aged, ornery employee furthest to the left. 3. Proceed to hum only the first stanza from the sensational hit "Oh My Darling Clementine" in the key of D minor. 4. At this point, if you have completed this task correctly they should hand you to the appropriate paperwork. This paperwork must be completed throughly and placed behind the drive-through menu of your nearest McDonald's before the next full moon. 5. Within three days of doing this, you will receive a call from the Clementines' Head of Public Relations, Martha. She will simply distract you while our henchmen borrow you and take you to our basic training facility. 6. You will spend a grueling five weeks at our facilities in Havana, Cuba. Here is where you will train to become an efficient Clementine. You will become familiar with the ways of snipers, the French and the music of Edvard Grieg. 7. After having completed basic training you will be able to take part in a grand graduation ceremony held in downtown Havana. Only then will you be a true Clementine. At this point it is appropriate to dance in the streets of Cuba. |