| Citrus Crusades An Open Letter to All, There are times in history where war is inevitable. The good in the world has to defend itself against fiendish, tyrannical evil. Unfortunately we find ourselves in that situation today. All that's good in the world must stand up and crush the enemy. The Tangelope has terrorized the world long enough. His unquenchable thrist for little boys and lewd behavior, such as his notorious "ukeweine" act, are simply sickening. His taste for the blood of the innocent will never be satisfied. His henchmen, the Tangelos, will continue to attack the virtuous until they are stopped. Despite all of the passion, conviction and brute strength of the Clementines and the armed forces of the Netherlands, it is simply not enough to defend the world against pure, sheer evil. So I come to you now with this simple plea. Every able man, woman, child, hermaphrodite and beast should stand side-by-side with the Clementines and the Dutch to cease the Tangelos' reign of terror. And to those who are unable to fight: prepare yourself for the Tangelope's wrath. This war will anger him to his core and he will lash out violently and sporatically. He has also been tenaciously trying to recruit young soldiers for his Tangelonian Death Squadrons. From our intelligence reports we have concluded that he is focusing on recruiting the Jewish and the Hawaiian. He has been sited wearing a yarmulke and playing the ukeleilei. Do not be fooled by these foolish tricks. He is Methodist and doesn't even acknowledge that Hawaii is a state. Good luck and God speed. |