| The Big Summer Fun Flicks Shrek 2 This was undoubtedly the biggest movie of the summer. And also the best. It recaptured what made the original Shrek so much fun. It was funny, and also, a family film. Something everyone can enjoy. That being said, I was intensely sickened by the fact that the movie basically became the biggest promotional and advertising cash grab of the summer, even putting Spiderman 2 to shame. Seriously, you couldn't go anywhere without seeing Shrek pimping fast food or Donkey on TV exhorting you to try ShrekFresh for your next yeast infection. They even did a cross-promotional deal with this movie to sell cars. Honest to god fucking cars. I want to know the type of people who are influenced to buy their automobiles at the urging of a cartoon character. It's one thing to get a Shrek toy in your Happy Meal. It's quite another to walk into a car dealership, slam down $20,000 and say "Give me whatever the fucking donkey drives!" Spiderman 2 The first Spiderman was sickeningly corny, and you could tell Willem Defoe wasn't having fun doing it. Even when he was wearing a mask. That's saying something. But Spiderman 2 was a giant leap forward. More fun, more adult, and it isn't a stand alone sequel but actually advances the characters. But can Aunt May die soon enough? No, no she cannot. The opening titles of the next Spiderman should consist of nothing but 15 minutes or her being run over by various buses and light trucks. That way Spiderman can ease his guilt, resell her property for cash, and movie into a palatial condo with Mary Jane where they can make mad passionate love until a fucking ambulance drives by and he dives out a fucking window. Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban I did not see this movie. I feel I am a better human being for doing so. I, Robot They should have called this I, SUCKbot! Actually no, I guess I, Robot makes more sense. The title pisses me off. How many movie titles have a comma, especially when they're only two words long? Just knowing how to properly annunciate this title to the ticket window was stressful. Will Smith shows off his incredible talent in this movie, displaying his stunning versatility. Is there a better actor in the world today than Will Smith? He can make the move from smart-alecky, cocky, flashy air force pilot to smart-alecky, cocky, flashy cop to smart-alecky, cocky, flashy cowboy in no time flat. I still keep waiting for Carleton to pop up in his movies and for Uncle Carl to give him a stern talking to then get him out of another statutory rape charge because of his connections as a judge. Also, the robots are definitely gay. Not that there's anything wrong with that, they just are. Troy Note to studio execs: Greek mythology does not translate well to the big screen. I thought they'd learned their lesson when they made a movie where Hercules drives K.I.T., the car from Knight Rider, but I guess not. Every scene was an excuse to do one of the following: A. Show off Eric Bana's ripped physique B. Show off Brad Pitt's ripped physique C. Have a woman bawl her eyes out. D. Have Orlando Bloom top those waterworks E. Reinforce my disdain for Greeks. F. All of the above Comedies Dodgeball Vince Vaughn looks like he's ready to kill himself for the duration of this movie. It was made for a very small budget, and without Will Ferrell it seemed doomed to failure. But surprisingly enough, it was funny and has already made over $100 million. The constant celebrity cameos are great, and as always, Vince can deliver the goods. I don't really have anything overly bad to say about this movie, as it pretty much gave audiences what it promised: stupid, mind-numbing, enjoyable comedy. Anchorman Frankly, I was disappointed. I was expecting to come out of this movie and bleed my wrists in the bathroom knowing that I would never find a funnier comedy. It was still riotously funny, but Ferrell was playing more of a parody of himself. Wait a minute, that's what he does in every movie he's in. What am I saying? Anchorman was good times. Catwoman Yes, this was a comedy. Though sadly it was never meant to be�.. This superhero movie is so bad, that it actually makes Daredevil look good. Hear that Affleck? Someone actually managed to do something worse than you! |
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