| Clinching Proof of the Democrats' Iron Grip on Hollywood The Day After Tomorrow This movie was criticized for being an indirect attack on the Bush administration's environmental policies. The vice-president in this movie is essentially a slimmer carbon copy of Dick Cheney. The evil Republicans don't cause some flooding or a raise in the globe's temperature of a few degrees, but instead destroy the northern hemisphere and are reduced to living in the American Embassy in Mexico. I doubt Bush would ever grasp the point of this movie though. Within 10 minutes of his own private screening in the White House he'd start yelling "Let's see some tits!" between mouthfuls of popcorn smothered in BBQ sauce, Texas style. Canada was curiously absent from mention in this film. I think that's because the Canadians saw the freeze coming, ran to the beer store then played drunken shinny as the Americans froze to death like bitches. Fahrenheit 9/11 It's funny because it's true. There's a documentary coming out that attacks Moore this fall entitled (in a display of the creative brilliance that right-wingers in the U.S. are blessed with) Michael Moore Hates America. A more appropriate title might be, Michael Moore Hates Treadmills. The Village You may have missed it, but this movie was nothing but a big metaphor for the United States in the post 9/11 era. The village itself was the United States, isolated from the rest of the world. The monsters were symbolic of the fears of terrorism. The head of the town, Mr. Walker, even shares Dubya's middle name. And Akmed, the shady Middle-Eastern guy in the village who straps explosives to his cows and sends them charging into people's homes is symbolic of why you just can't plain trust those types. You know which types I mean. Dairy farmers. I have to say too, the ending threw me for a loop. Who knew that the monsters were really dead aliens, and only Noah, the village fool, could see them? Also Joaquin Phoenix discovered he could bench press over 500 pounds. A lot of people did find this "twist" ending predictable though. My friend who I saw it with had it figured 5 minutes in when he said, "I knew it! The monsters are really just the zombies from Thriller!" The Manchurian Candidate This movie may seem rooted in the realm of fantasy, but is it really that crazy? A lot of the film's messages are parallels of the current political climate in the United States. It's frightening to think though, that a mindless automatron who is essentially a machine, can ascend to the presidency through the desire of powerful business interests and crazed family members. Do you think that Schwarzenegger felt this hit too close to home? The Rest Chronicles of Riddick Let's review. Vin Diesel stars in Fast and the Furious. Big hit. He doesn't sign on for a sequel. Vin Diesel stars in XXX. Big hit. He doesn't sign on for a sequel. Vin Diesel stars in Pitch Black. He signs up for a sequel. While its honorable that her turned down those other two sequels for which he would've made a bundle (of money) its puzzling that he accepts the Chronicles of Riddick, as judging by this movie he's not in it for the art. Maybe the producers of Pitch Black won a bidding war that centered on the amount of screen time that Vin's biceps were given? King Arthur Hello, I'm Jerry Bruckheimer and I've got a great idea for a movie. I'm going to take a great piece of mythology, say King Arthur, and take out everything that made it fun. Magic, wizards, round table, knights and ladies�.Fuck it all to hell. I'm Jerry Bruckheimer and I say if nothing explodes or no plate glass is shattered, then it's not a worthwhile movie. Don't miss next summer, when I make a version of The Illiad that features no gods or goddesses. What's that you say? Get out! Damn you Wolfgang Petersen! Collateral I'm sorry. But I kept waiting for Tom Cruise's hitman to high five someone and start blasting a Kenny Loggins song. And for Jamie Foxx to rap. Also for Will Smith to appear next to Jada Pinkett-Smith and for Carleton to appear next to him. It all boils down to this one question: Why isn't Carleton in more movies???? The Bourne Supremacy See, this is what happens when the camera man is on crystal meth. On the bright side, it's still fun to watch all-American boy Matt Damon kick enough Eurotrash asses to make WWII seem worthwhile. Alien Vs. Predator Apart from not having any recognizable actors, plot, or wrtiers who hadn't been weaned on Van Damme movies, AVP was enjoyable. While it did tastlessly destroy some classic films, it was incredibly enjoyable in its absurdity and stupidity. Sort of like watching a musical adaptation of Schindler's List. Bet you didn't think I could work a Holocaust reference into an article on AVP, did you? You know you laughed. I'll see you in Hell. |