Song of My Sadness
Once I walked in the tremor of God.
He leapt in everything I saw, touched, heard, lived
And I looked into His face and saw the face of my beloved.
My desire was as violent and dear and rosy as sunrise
Basking in open eyes, in the color of love and my beloved's smile.
I was little and naked and unashamed; mountains were for the climbing.
I was my own One Self, Daughter of God, girl with a pen
And many other o-so-varied things as well.

But now--
I look to find only His shadow, I am in the eclispe of God
Empty and cold as the cellar of my Soul
Where I hide like a bedwetting child, terrified of the demons who bear my face.
My hands are water-- they feel, but they grasp nothing,
My sorrow is the only saving grace to cling to,
As my life slides away for each tear I cannot shed.
My love is now a beautiful teasing torture,
His absence a witness to my faltering.
I am so alone. I am so afraid.
Thoughts claw my head in a million scrabbling hands and moaning shapeless mouths.
Nothing arouses, nothing can arise; my voice is a vaccuum.
Behind my eyes glazed by the light, my galloping brain is thought into a corner.
I hear nothing save the gasping of my heart.
I look out of the abyss.
Up, so far up to warm rolling heights as deep and full as the tongue of God, as the shine in my beloved's eyes!
My sorrow is complete.
Wailing rises, filling me
From dawn-morning to black-throated mourning,
For none to come and find me.

-End