Wanna know how good a John movie is before you rent it? Is he only in it for 2 minutes? Here's the place to find out. I'll do the dirty work and let you know how worthwhile something is. What a nice girl I am. Of course, to get a complete listing may take a while. I'm only one person, and only have so much time. Anyway... let's get on with it.

Movie/Show	Overall Rating/5	John Time
Murder Rap (1987)

Comments: John's earliest full-length movie, and it features him as the leading man. Wow. I'm not going to say anything mean about this movie, though it's hardly Oscar caliber (then again, neither was Titanic, but I digress). It's obviously the work of young filmmakers, and one must view it from that standpoint. Of course, after certain scenes in this movie, I was wondering if I was watching the work of young filmmakers under the influence of drugs, or at least large quantities of that Shiner Bock so prominently displayed in one scene. Anyway, the plot centers around John's character accidentally taping the sounds of a murder. Or did he? As per usual, there's a mysterious girl/love interest complicating things. Of the actresses in this film, the person with whom I was watching said "why are they all talking like porn stars?" I don't know, but she's right, they do. Anyway, there's not much to say about this movie other than you HAVE to see it. John is in the entire movie, and gets ample opportunity to portray some angst. Plus, the box says he's the "James Dean of the 80s" and that the movie has a "mesmerizingly thick plot," so how could you pass it up? I got my copy on ebay, and I think its available at www.half.com cheap, so go get it already.

Johnny Be Good (1988)

Comments: Wow. There are moronic movies, and then there are moronic movies. As one of the characters so aptly puts it, "this movie is painful." Anyway, it's about a jock (Anthony Michael Hall) being pursued by college recruiters in lots of illegal ways. I think it's supposed to be a comedy, but I know I didn't laugh. John plays "Pizza Boy," and that's exactly what he is. In it for about 2 minutes, a few lines, incredibly, incredibly goofy. I mean, he's supposed to be goofy, but what is with that dorky laugh? He gets clobbered in the face with a pizza. Skip this movie. If you feel the need to see Anthony Michael Hall as a big jock boy, Edward Scissorhands is an infinitely better movie.

D.O.A. (1988)

Comments: Dennis Quaid has been poisoned and only has 48 hours left to live. He decides to spend his remaining time trying to figure out who poisoned him. Meg Ryan goes along for the ride. Decent movie, with decent acting, but I just couldn't get into to it for some reason. John Hawkes is in it for about .05 seconds as a sleeping student in Professor Quaid's English class. Watch it if it comes on tv, but don't spend any money to see it.

Heartbreak Hotel (1988)

Comments: Definitely not the best movie in the world. But not the worst, either. A teenager kidnaps Elvis Presley so Elvis can show his mom how a woman should be treated. Elvis becomes the family counselor. Sweet premise, albeit more than a little implausible. And that actor doesn't look like Elvis at all. Anyway, John is in it for approximately 30 seconds - once during the first half hour, then again during the last half hour. He's the emcee for the high school talent shows. Umm, I think he has 2 or 3 lines. For completists only.

Flesh and Bone (1993)

Comments: This is an okay movie. Interesting, brooding plot, and good acting, but pretty slow moving. Dennis Quaid plays a Texas cowboy haunted by the memory of his dad (James Caan) murdering a family, sparing only the baby. Years later, he meets up with the mysterious Meg Ryan. Gwyneth Paltrow is in it too, as James Caan's girlfriend. Oh, wait, I'm supposed to be talking about John Hawkes's role in it. Was he in this? He sorta resembled the drunk groom at a bachelor party who gets vomited on by stripper Meg Ryan, but surely his role is bigger than that, right? I guess I must have missed him...

Rosalie Goes Shopping (1989)

Comments: I love this movie! Very, very cute. Rosalie loves to shop, and she doesn't let little things like no money and extreme debt get in the way. That's it in a nutshell - but there's so much more. I really liked Judge Reinhold as Rosalie's priest (!). And the turkeys gobbling. John plays one of Rosalie's many children - an aspiring gourmet chef. "You have just eaten snail soup made with creme fraiche." His part isn't huge - but he's really cute in it, and it's a really good movie. Go see it.

Roadracers (1994)

Comments: Hmm. Okay. Bizarro. Not bad. Story of a '50s teen named Dude (David Arquette) who wants to be a rocker but the bullies and corrupt cops are keepin' him down, man! Intentionally (I hope) campy, with some genuinely funny moments. John plays Dude's goofy best friend, Nixer. He's in the whole movie, and looking very young. Has a cute Texas drawl too. One thing I've noticed in all his roles - he has very expressive eyes! Anyway, yeah, see this movie. And watch all the way through until the end of the credits - I'm glad I did.

Dead Air (1994)

Comments: Kind of interesting storyline, but very slow moving. Gregory Hines is a DJ who receives frightening phone calls in which people are killed. His job is to find the killer. No real tension until the last 20 minutes or so. John plays Morton, the radio station's sound engineer. Not a terribly big part, actually pretty small, but he does get to punch Gregory Hines at one point, so not a total waste. Favorite line: "I just wanted to hear Stomach Pump!!!"

Congo (1995)

Comments: This movie...well, how can I say this nicely...umm, sucks. Yes, it does. But that's okay. Because it does feature a memorable scene of John Hawkes literally being scared to death by a gorilla named Amy. Does that make up for the bad acting, horrible writing, cheesy effects, and just plain suckiness of this movie? Well, maybe if said scene had been longer than 2 minutes, max. As it is, no, it doesn't.

Night of the Scarecrow (1995)

Comments: One of those movies that's so bad, it's wonderful. Basically, an evil scarecrow is killing off the denizens of a small mid-west town. It's gory, lots of gratuitous nudity, the characterizations are all one-dimensional, the acting is awful (for the most part), you know the type. I must admit, I enjoyed it thoroughly. John plays the town bully (and you know what always happens to the town bully). He is by far the best actor in the movie, and I genuinely felt sorry for his character when he gets freaked out after watching his girlfriend grow roots from her breasts and be planted underground (well, who wouldn't get freaked out by that?). His is not a main role, but he's in it more than I expected, and I feel fairly secure in recommending this movie.

From Dusk Till Dawn (1996)

Comments: Well, to be fair, I really shouldn't comment on this movie. I only watched John's part, and he's done with by the time the opening credits appear. But it didn't look too good in the five minutes I did watch. John plays a convenience store clerk who squares off against George Clooney and Quentin Tarantino (who really oughtn't try to act). He's only in it for a short time, but he manages to be quite memorable in that short span. I *love* his Academy Award speech. That's about all I can say about this movie.

'Til There Was You (1997)

Comments: Eh. This movie was o.k.. That's it. Actually, it gets better towards the end. But the first hour is soooo sllllloooowwww. Maybe those who are into shmoopy love stories would like this - I'm not. Jeanne Tripplehorn and Dylan McDermott are two lost souls looking for "true wuv." They keep almost meeting. Jeanne Tripplehorn cries - a lot. How will it end? Anyway... John plays one of Jeanne's off-beat neighbors - a rocker/hippie named Gawayne. LOVE the hair. Really. Not in it all that much, but his part is really cute. He tends to play the sweetest characters. And this movie isn't that bad, so yeah, rent it when you have some time to kill.

Steel (1997)

Comments: Okay, this wasn't quite as bad as I imagined it would be. That doesn't mean it was good, though. Shaquille O'Neal plays John Henry Irons, ex-army guy by day, super hero by night. Judd Nelson is the evil guy plotting to take over the world. I think you can figure out the plot from there. The most I can say is that it's not painful to sit through. The acting is decent, except for Shaq, who is one of the worst actors I've ever seen. Ever. Anyway, John plays a mugger unto whom Steel imposes his street justice. He's only in it for about two minutes, about halfway through the movie. But, the long hair makes another appearance, and that's always a plus for me.

Playing God (1997)

Comments: This movie was not nearly as bad as I had been led to believe. In fact, it's really not bad at all. Not great, but not bad. It's about a surgeon (David Duchovny) who's lost his license due to drug use. He gets hooked up with a gang of criminals, led by Timothy Hutton, who hire him to fix up their wounded. Angelina Jolie is there too. John plays a psychotic killer in what is probably my favorite comic-relief role yet. He's only in 2 or 3 scenes, but man, those are some scenes. I can't recount any of his dialogue here, because Geocities doesn't like me to use that kind of language, but let's just say, I hope he doesn't talk to his mother with that mouth :) Yeah, definitely try to catch this one, and not an edited version either. Trust me, you'll laugh.

Boogie Boy (1997)

Comments: Not bad at all. And I'm not usually a fan of this style of movie. Similar to Sand in that the plot concerns a man with a troubled past trying to move on to bigger and better things, only to be thwarted by acquaintances from the past. This one is better though. The characters are better written, with a finer line separating the "good" from the "bad". There's also a gay love story subtext, which is nicely done, and unusual in this genre of movie. John plays T-Bone, a Doom-playing druggie. His role is basically to make sarcastic comments to Traci Lords. There is more to it than that, but his character is obviously not the main focus of the movie. However, as always, he does manage to bring more to it than what was probably in the original script. Overall, not a horrible way to spend 90 minutes. Oh yeah, Joan Jett is in it too!

Deep in the Heart (1998)

Comments: Cute. The premise is that a British film crew is producing a documentary about various Texas characters. The basic format is a series of vignettes featuring said characters. John plays "Mac", who reminisces about the time he brought his African-American girlfriend home to disapproving parents. Nice scene. He flashes back and forth from the ride home then and now. His acting, of course, is dead-on. If you get the dvd, one of the special features allows you to view parts of this scene when it was still a play done by local Texas actors. Highly recommended. The rest of movie is hit and miss. I like the majority of "characters", but didn't really care about the problems of the producers of the documentary. Still, I'd rent this one if I were you.

Home Fries (1998)

Comments: Interesting. Written by Vince Gilligan, so you know its going to be pretty good. And weird. And it is. Story of boy and girl falling in love. Except this time the girl is mourning the death of the father of her in-utero baby, who was killed by the boy, who is his step-son. A comedy, actually. The girl is played by Drew Barrymore, who usually gives me hives, but she's not too annoying in this. The boy is played by Luke Wilson, who X-Philes will remember as Sheriff Hartwell in Bad Blood (another one to whom Scully is strangely attracted. Hmm). John's role in this film is very small - he plays Luke Wilson's friend who leers at Drew Barrymore. But still, I'd recommend this movie for when you're in the mood for some quirky black comedy.

Rush Hour (1998)

Comments: I know a lot of people love this movie, but I'm sorry, it's just not my genre. Jackie Chan and Chris Tucker kick a lot of butt whilst exchanging supposedly humorous quips. You know the type. John plays a guy selling maps to stars' homes. He's in it for about 2 minutes, albeit a humorous 2 minutes. I personally didn't bother with the second hour of this movie.

I Still Know What You Did Last Summer (1998)

Comments: Crappy movie, cute role for John. He plays Freddie Prinze Jr.'s friend. Watch him sing Whitesnake! Watch him make fish kiss! Watch him... well, you'll know his last scene when it arrives. Don't bother with watching this movie past the first half hour, unless of course you're a masochist. This one's even worse than the original. Imagine that.

Late Last Night (1999)

Comments: Eh. Very average movie. Emilio Estevez plays a guy having one crrrraaaaazzzyyy night, with the help of his best friend (or is it his alter ego???) Steven Weber. John Hawkes plays, Ponzo, a drug dealer/pimp(???). He has a very short scene in what can only be described as a harem. He's sitting there, on silk sheets, shirtless, surrounded by scantily clad ladies. *Love* the large hoop earring. That's about all I can say about this movie. Not very memorable at all. Except for one, extremely random, but pretty cool scene in which Steven Weber leads the cast in a big musical production of Queen's "Somebody to Love". But Mr. Hawkes isn't in that scene, so I can't really give this film my full endorsement.

Blue Streak (1999)

Comments: Another one with John dying within 10 minutes of his first appearance on screen. What is with that? Anyway, he's in the very beginning, as a burglar breaking into a high-security building with Martin Lawrence. Cute, for the time he's in it. For those tempted to turn it off right after his death, don't. A couple of minutes later there's a lingering shot of his dead body, which is not nearly as morbid or gross as it sounds, and actually kind of sad. The rest of the movie is okay. Martin Lawrence joins the police force in order to get back the diamond he hid in what was then a construction site, now a police station. He is partnered with Luke Wilson. Hilarity ensues. It's on tv often enough, so watch it sometime. At least the first 12 minutes.

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