-anon.
"Why do women put on makeup to get the natural look?"
-anon.
"If you sprinkle when you tinkle, be a sweetie not a meanie, just be neat and wipe the seat."
-anon.
"It's all fun and games till someone loses and eye... Then it's ping pong!"
-anon.
"I am your father's brother's nephew's cousin's former roommate."
-Dark Helmet,Space Balls
"Enjoy life while it lasts cuz you're dead for a long time."
-anon.
"The apocalypse: a large green X that emits a demonic glow. This symbol has marked the surface of Pandora's box, and is enscribed upon her keys."
-anon.
"Why are ducks portrayed in pictures yellow? Whose ever seen a yellow duck?"
-anon.
"Life is like a box of chocolates, full of those nasty coconut ones."
-anon.
"If you see a man running down the street with his pants down and he doesn't care, run with that man. Odds are that something scary is coming up behind him."
-anon.
"Life is like a roll of toilet paper. You never know when it's gonna run out."
-anon.
Impossible is just a word to make people feel good about themselves when they quit."
-anon.
"Why are nudists never the people you'd actually ENJOY seeing nude?"
-George Carlin
"Think of how many people have put your fork in their mouth. It's hard to imagine the thousands of mouths."
-anon.
"A gun is a tool. Like a butcher knife, or a harpoon gun, or...an alligator."
-Homer Simpson
"When did Pinocchio realize that he wasn't a real boy? When his hand caught fire when he was masturbating!"
-anon.
"Dyslexics of the world, untie!"
-a dyslexic
"Oh...I can't reach the cookies. See? I told you the xbox would be useful someday!"
-a hungry gamer
"Arguing over the internet is like being in the special olympics: even if you win you're still a retard."
-Mark Fisher
"She turned me into a newt!...I got better."
-a dude in monty python
-anon.
"Take a chill pill...and choke on it."
-Mark Fisher
"Guns don't kill people, bullets kill people. It's the guns that make 'em go really fast!"
-anon.
"If good looks could kill, you could raise the dead!"
-anon
"If you don't like it, don't buy it, and shut up about it!"
-Mark Fisher
"Someone told me the best things in life are free.....he lied."
-anon.
"I hear voices...and they don't like you..."
-anon.
"Remember people will judge you by your actions, not your intentions. You may have a heart of gold-but so does a hard boiled egg."
-anon.
"Newbies make the world go round."
-a newbie
"Look daddy, Todd's stupid and I'm with him, now mommy's stupid!"
-Rod Flanders
"Your mother was a hampster, and your father smelt of Eldreberries!"
-a french dude in monty python
"I won an xbox? No thanks, I already have a paper weight...and a doorstop."
-anon.
"There's no better teacher than defeat."
-anon.
"That's Life. What's life? It's life magazine only 25 cents. But I only have a dime! That's life. What's life..."
-anon.
"If it's stale, it's not really stale, It's crunchy without the crumbs!"
-anon.
"It's on sale for a reason!"
-Mark Fisher
"Don't be square, be cubed"
-anon.
"It's only funny til someone gets hurt, then its down right hilarious!"
-anon.
It's not the falling that kills you, its that sudden stop at the end."
-anon.
Guns don't kill people, gaping holes in vital organs kill people."
-anon.
"One who goes to bed with an itchy butt, wakes up with a sticky finger."
-anon.
"I can't take his money, I can't print my own money, I have to work for money...Why don't I just lay down and die?!"
-Homer Simpson
"Super Smash Bros. Melee forever."
-anon.
If cars were as quick as my attention span then we would have no further need for bullet trains."
-anon.
