The fact that I was unable to justify, in my mind, why this lay off and sudden financial downfall was happening occupied almost all my thoughts, day and night, because:
It made no sense.
It consumed every thought, feeling and emotion I had.
It turned my whole world inside out and upside down.
Yet, at the same time these horrorible, unexplainable events were devouring my life, seemingly with a 'purpose of their own' ~ I also was quickly developing a new, deeper kind of spiritual understanding. In my attempts to try and figure out why this had happened to me, I was led to start finding and reading hundreds of Spiritual, New Age and Metaphysical books. Something came over me which 'drove' me non-stop, days and nights to seek out certain books. I began to read them at a accelerated rate, sometimes finishing 3 or 4 books a day. And I was instantly understanding and connecting with their words, as if they had been written just for me to read. I began to and still do, find 'connections' to most things I have read, am thinking or wondering about in songs, movies, commericials, signs of the roadways and even conversations. Now it is 3 1/2 years later since my devastating spiritual crisis started and I want to share with the world, the point I have come to now, after reading all those books, attending every FREE New Age/Spiritual/Metaphysical seminar ~ discussion or event I could find in my home town, or near it. From attending these events, I found others so much like me and we began discussing spiritual topics of all sorts and making connections. This phase was nothing sort of miraculous ~ to finally be able to talk to others who understood what I was going through and feeling! To say that this new spiritual understanding has had an exremely profound effect on my life ~ seems like such an understatement. It is so easy now for me to feel and experience the 'rightness' about all of this, of who I am, where I came from, why I am here and what my purpose is on earth in this lifetime, but it's much more difficult to try and explain it in words. Even though I am a writer myself, it's still quite difficult, but I feel I must, so...
I just could not seem to get enough of the Truth, Wisdom and most importantly, a certain 'knowingness', 'personal comfort and connection' that all of this new spiritual information gives me at this particular time in my life. Before my Spiritual Awakening, I had begun feeling like I wasn't supposed to be here on Earth, at this time anymore. I felt so 'out of place', so alone and so lost then. I remember sharing with my best girlfriend one afternoon that I something had happened to me lately and the feeling of being in the wrong place, at this time consumed me. The look on her face told me she had no idea what I was trying to say, so I dropped it altogether. In the days that would follow, I would see that same look of confusion in the faces of my family and loved ones, which always made me stop sharing my miraculous discoveries. Instead, I prayed constantly to God, and let me say it here now ~ I choose to believe in God, Our Creator ~ the I AM who created everything. I also respect everyone else' choices and beliefs, without judgment. Unfortunately for my family and friends, I do not 'fit into' any religious category now days. I believe I am Christian, but my 17 year old son who is deeply involved in the Youth Program of a non-denominational Church, would quickly argue that point with me for days. I believe I am a Lightworker, a visionary or psychic, a channeler of spirit and more, but I can't prove that to everyone. I can however, prove it to some people, at certain times.
Through contintued prayer and meditation, I realized I had some deeply embedded beliefs that I needed to re-evaluate. After a year of very painful, yet priceless inner searching I concluded that I had conditioned myself, on my own, to believe in a simplistic, fear-based fairy tale about God and religion. I needed to change those old beliefs, which weren't truly my own and how I would live my life now
from this point forward.
My next spiritual awareness came through another song I heard. I had been asking Spirit and mySelf, who on earth would help guide me during my spiritual journey. The answer came in the lyrics of the song ANGEL by Sarah Maclachlin. I was reminded that the ANGELS were with me and how to talk to them. I learned that we are each born with a Guardian Angel who is with us from the minute we come into this life, until our physical body goes out. There are also the great ArchAngels who can assist us if we call upon them and thousands, perhaps millions or billions of other ANGELS, SPIRIT GUIDES, LIGHT BEINGS and DIVINE MESSENGERS. I found out that all I had to do was 'INVITE' them to come into my life and help me, and they did. Other Angels are not allowed to 'interfere' in our lives, so we must 'INVITE' them in when we seek guidance or assistance from them.
ANGEL
Spend all your time waiting,
For that second chance,
For a break that make it ok.
There�s always some reason,
To feel not good enough,
And it�s hard at the end of the day.
I need some distraction ~
Ahhh, beautiful release...
As memories seep from my brain.
Let me be empty, and weightless and maybe,
I�ll find some peace tonight.
In the arms of the Angels,
Far away from here,
From this stark, cold hotel room,
And the endlessness that you feel.
You are pulled from the wreckage,
Of your silent reverely,
You�re in the arms of the Angels,
May you find�
Some comfort here.
You�re so tired of the straight life,
And everywhere you turn,
There are vultures and thieves at your back,
The sum keeps on twisting,
You keep on building the lies,
That make up for all that you lack.
It don�t make no difference,
It�s easier to believe,
In this sweet madness...
This glorious sadness...
Brings me to my knees.
In the arms of the Angels,
Far away from here,
From this stark, cold hotel room,
And the endlessness that you feel.
You are pulled from the wreckage,
Of your silent reverely,
You�re in the arms of the Angels,
May you find�
Some comfort here.
Written and sung by Sarah McLachLan
I was raised by parents who were very loving, but weren't weekly "Church Attendees', and as a young girl I had to ask my parents about God, Church and to take me to Church, which they did conscientiously. They even went with me for a few weeks ~ as a family ~ we went together. Then it fell apart, because they were traveling on their own individual paths. I understand now that Church - the institution - didn't 'fit' for them back then. So I continued to go alone. In my early-to-late teen years, I visited almost every major domination of the Churches in my home town, even going as far as taking classes and 'converting to Catholicism' at one point. I would 'try them out', but time after time, I would leave them each, with a hopeless feeling of disconnection, disappointment so to speak and concluded...'No, that's NOT the right Church for me either.'
I had bought into the false, religious fairy tale of 'We are each born with Sin...We grow up Fearing God's Punishment...We get educations and stable jobs so we can buy the comforts that we think will make us happy...We get married, have children, pay taxes, grow old, retire and die...then we go to either Heaven or Hell, based on how we lived our life on Earth, in God's Eyes.'
My search for the 'right' Church told me that the fairy tale didn't fit for me anymore and it was time to make some changes.
All of my life, up until April of 1998, I had just been living that false fairy tale lie/life that I believed was the real Truth, my Truth. Now, it didn't fit anymore and after the devastating spiritual crisis occurred. This forced me to look for answers and I was led to look inside myself to find them and change the things about me, that didn't 'fit' anymore either. I made many mistakes, but I learned from every one of them. I first started out looking for answers to my Religious, Spiritual, Mystical, Cosmic and other personal questions ~ in the outside world, but was thankfully quickly 'reminded' that would no longer work. It wasn't until I 'Looked Within MySELF� that I found so many answers and most importantly ~ I found...My Own Individual Rhythm within our Universe. So, let me continue to share some more of the answers I found. To repeat, for me ~ I found all the answers inside myself and I believe everyone can do the same. I learned not to go outside msyelf to seek answers, not to follow others around asking them which way to go. Because I found the Truth ~ My Truth, inside me. And the fact that I came to a point in my life where I did question my beliefs, feelings and place in our world/universe ~ was crucial as well.
Isis
In the next phase, I began coming into contact with certain individuals all over the world, who were just like me, who had also experienced a very similar spiritual awakening recently and we found our way to each other ~ over the internet. I created two chat clubs online in hopes of gathering other like-minded individuals together to chat. One club has a 'ANGEL' format and the other a 'NATIVE AMERICAN' format. I also joined several online communities and clubs so I could fullfil my daily need to communicate with more of my new 'like-minded' friends. A few years passed, and the groups and clubs I belonged to would change from time to time, but with each new experience ~ I learned another great life lesson or discovered another facet of me and my past lives. The Native American club chats helped me discover my own Native American connection, beliefs and gifts. I am actually about 1/16 Cherokee Indian, but my mother never told me that while I was growing up. She hid it, ashamed I guess. But I searched and found my only Uncle alive now and developed a close relationship to him and his family and found out volumes of information my mother had never told me. Thank God for you Uncle Roman! And Thank You Great, Great Grandmother 'FIREWALKER' Oh Wise Woman of Healing Medicine and She Who Has Hot Hands to Help. The Native American path felt 'so right' to me as I got more involved with it. One of the greatest things I learned from experiencing it as I did, was my huge, undeniable connection to Mother Nature and the Stars. I found out once again, that I was happiest ~ outside among Mother Nature and with the Stars above me, the wind blowing on my face.
So I began to spend as much time in Mother Nature and under the Stars as I could. There, surrounded by and in my personal elements of connection, my spiritual development advanced very rapidly. I connected to a wonderful couple who found one of my websites on the internet and contacted me to tell me that I was a Lightworker. I, immediately replied to their email and we began a year long relationship in which they helped me learn so much about my SELF and my past lives and confirmed for me that Earth is not actually my first permanent home. Thank you Arlen and Holly!
I began to receive 'messages and help' from the Spirit World next. I found a woman in her sixties that lived in my home town, with whom I felt a huge connection to one day at a Psychic Fair! But she was different than some of the fake psychics I had seen so far or met, she was Real. My intuition told me she was to be my 'guide or teacher' to help me, here on Earth, so I approached her for a reading one day in February of 1999. She is an 'ANGEL ON EARTH', I can tell you that much and has helped me tremendously find my SELF, my purpose and my path. With her help, I began to receive communications from the Spirit world, from the Divine and I just 'Felt' it was real, because it felt so 'right'. I received information from The ArchAngels. Angels, my spirit guides and many Spiritual entities who, after I asked God for help, helped me and guided me along my path and still do today. I communicated with my parents, loved ones, Native American ancestors and many others in the Spirit World and each time I would receive 'validation' first that they were who they said they were. They would tell me some information that only I would know, or describe an item I bought the day before while I was alone, so I 'FEEL' the Truth of it all, always.
I am a very old soul and this is my 751st incarnation and my 42nd here on Earth! I have to laugh after reading those words I just wrote, but they are TRUE. I laugh because I think about how my family or friends would have re-acted if I had told them that let's say...ten years ago. The look on their faces causes me to laugh, not at them, but at how much I have changed and grown spiritually and cosmically! Anyway, I write these words to share with the world, in hopes that others like me are out there and might contact me, so this Circle of Like-Minded Individuals that I am supposed to create and be a part of, will quickly come into fruition. So, if you are serious, and connect with anything I have written, or just have honest questions - E~mail me and let's talk. 
FOR THE GOOD OF HUMANITY, OUR PLANET and UNIVERSE I PRAY: By the Grace of Our Creator/God/Goddess somehow I've made it through this day and night and here and now I Thank You, with all my body/mind/soul and heart! Thank You for showing me Your Unconditional Love and Guidance. I know now, with out a doubt, that You put Your Great Spirit inside me, inside us all, deep in our souls, and over the years ~ I'd lost touch with mine, lost touch with our divine connection. But I was able to re-connect with You, My Spirit, thanks to all Your help and Guidance. My Prayer is that every one on Earth will find their own connection to You, Find their own spiritual path, find their piece of the puzzle for humanity's good, that they possess and Love themselves and all others, unconditionally forever. I pray the self-serving thoughts and actions of men and women who lust for Power in our world, will be softened and broken down into a Spiritual Love for all of mankind and our planet now. I pray that each person does their own part to aid in humanity's and our planet's preservation, not destruction now. I pray all parents will teach their children to love all others, unconditinally and care for our planet too. I pray that they teach their children the same valuable lessons and so on and so on. I pray for the creation of this Circle of Like-Minded Individuals around me and our success in helping others find their own spiritual way. I pray that You use me, as a dedicated vessel, O Great Creator, to do whatever it is You'd have me to, to help You, help humanity, help our planet and Universe. I give thanks to You, Oh Great Creator for all that I AM, all that I AM to become. I give thanks to all the Divine Entities who are with me, have helped me, continue to help me and ask that you always do so. I give thanks to ArchAngel Gabriel for all your guidance and communications; I do feel you with me always and I still need you with me. Amen.
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"Humans were made that when anything fires their soul, impossibilities vanish." ~ Jean De La Fontaine
"Those who dwell among the beauties and mysteries of the Earth are never alone or weary of life." ~ by Rachael Carson
A question for you...
'Have you ever asked yourself...What or Who sets you onFire?'
This is Sha Sha, pronounced correctly Sho Sho, one of my Spirit Guides
Feel free to email me, any time, if you connect with my words...
I am FireWalkker...
Woman and Being of the Violet Fire...
Woman working to become the Purity God desires...
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If you would like to read more about my own personal spiritual journey, below are links to many others pages I have written. They are long, but I feel there is something to share in them, that possibly could help others.
I give all glory and honor to GOD, OUR CREATOR for my writing. The website is Dedicated to GOD, OUR CREATOR for it was His Hand who guided mine. For ease of organization only - if you would like to visit some of my other web pages, they are listed below.
I am FireWalkker Page
My First WebPage ~ God, Angels & Miracles Pages
True Native American Dream 
Free Prayer Request Page 
Life of FireWalkker's
FireWalkker's Stort Life Story 1
FireWalkker's Stort Life Story 2
AngelEnlighten in Time
FireWalkker's Stort Life Story 4
FireWalkker's Stort Life Story 5
This website...like all things in our Universe ~ is forever changing...
The Cosmos Spins...