new york, new york

chapter 62

I can’t even try to describe you how next two days were. We had so much fun, with others and just the two of us. We got all forgiven, Brian was happy to wash the dishes if AJ even insisted that he would like to take me somewhere private. For obvious reasons Nick was only one to complain; he was still and again single. I haven’t even cared asking what happened to 2 Mad, she was probably home waiting Nick to call. Oh wait, he isn’t that much of a bastard, just little thoughtless sometimes.

Like when he rushed in the middle of our very erotic session. -AJ, you have a call waiting! he yelled from downstairs.
-Forget it, and please fuck off! was AJ’s anxious answer. I giggled to his face.
-I’m coming up, Nick announced at the same time as we heard his steps in the stairs. Quickly we took again some sheets. It seemed like I was half of our time naked. And I had nothing against it. Nick came to our sight.
-Yeah I know, I’m sorry, aren’t you two ever gonna have enought?
He didn’t wait our answer but continued:
-I wouldn’t bother you but... it’s Helen.
-Helen? AJ was amazed and I could feel his body stiffening. –What is she... How... Why?
-I have no idea. Brian tried to interrogate her but she said she needs to speak you right now. She’s holding on the phone in the main house.
AJ got up really fast and took some pants. They run out of the house and I was left there all alone waiting. Because whatever it was, I knew I wouldn’t want to be watching AJ’s face while he was on the phone.

Ten minutes later I heard yelling from the yard. I went to the window and saw AJ coming to me Brian and Nick running after him. They tried to find out what Helen had said. But AJ refused to answer, came in and lock the door. I waited for a while but he didn’t come up. Slowly I went down.

It was raining outside and the room was dim. Perfect day to spend in a bed. But AJ was sitting on Nick’s bed, holding his head in his hands. He felt like he was miles away, when he looked up at me I saw that he was holding back the tears. I went to him and held him.
-Shh, I just whispered. –Whatever it is, we’ll get trough it.

-Everything’s OK, I said to Brian later when we went in to eat.
-So what was it?
-Let’s talk about it later. We both need some food now. It sure smells good!
I tried to act happy, but it was hard. AJ hadn’t told even me what was going on. He only made love to me with sweet and slow moves. And as we sat to the table I noticed I was unable to eat. And I hated their confused and worried faces around the table as they realized that it was like that with AJ too.
-OK, let’s get some action here, Howie said as we had sat in the table for a time that seemed like eternity. I thought they would see trough AJ and me. It was obvious that it wasn’t allright but I didn’t want them to know that I had no idea what was making AJ so sad and furious at the same time.
-What do you have on mind? Brian asked as they gathered dishes from the table. My plate was half full and Leighanne gave me a look that probably was ment to make me feel better but didn’t.
-All we believe in is music, Howie said and took a guitar. –So let’s sing.

We all went to sofas and they sang to us. I tried to sing some but most of the songs were unfamiliar to me. But I enjoyed listening and started to feel a bit better. Even AJ was easing up little. That was the time when I still thought everything would really be okay.

AJ went to Howie and took the guitar. I held my breath as he started to sing with his rusty voice. It was a song even I knew. It was “Have I told you lately that I love you”. He sang it to me and other boys joined in in chorus. That’s when I started to feel paniced. Song brought tears to all our eyes and in the last chorus AJ’s voice broke down and he couldn’t sing it trough. I ran out because I couldn’t take it anymore.

I got to our house when AJ finally reached me.
-Let’s stay out, he said. –I think I need a cigarette. Actually I would need a drink right now. Badly.
I was bawling my eyes out but AJ couldn’t comfort me. He offered me a chair and I sat down even if it was wet and I was getting all dirty. He gave me smoke and light. I tried to calm down. But even if I tried to explain myself that everything was fine I knew it wasn’t. I had no other choice than wait him to speak.
But when he did I hoped he would have been silent forever.

-Helen’s pregnant. Right, there, I said it.
I couldn’t say anything.
-And before you ask, yes it’s mine. I guess you don’t want to know but she was virgin when we started dating and she’s been most loyal to me.
All I could do is to stare him and try to understand what he was saying.
-I don’t know what to do.
He looked at me as he was waiting for answers. But I couldn’t give him any.

Later we were sitting up in our small room as far of each other as we could. No one had even tried to bother us. They knew, like me, that it was more serious than anyone of us would have wanted.
-All I can say...
I had to swallow my tears down. We had been talking for some hours and I had been crying almost as long.
-I know what children mean to you. And I don’t blame you. Maybe she’s not perfect for you but...
-Do you think I’d go back with her? AJ asked hostile.
-Didn’t you think that?
I didn’t have to wait for his answer, I knew him too well. Too damn well.
-If you go back to her, I know that you’re going to do your best to make it work. For the baby, for Helen and for you. And that’s why I have to do this. Now if you go...
I couldn’t help myself, I was crying again, I was exhausted, I wanted to go to bed, just to sleep it off and wake up as becoming Ms. McLean. But it was impossible.
-I don’t ever want to see you again.
I could hear AJ taking a quick breath.
-It’s not because what you did. It’s because... We can’t be together if we are not together. You know I’m right. If these last few days haven’t proved it, I don’t know what would. But I don’t want to find out. So this it would really be...
-We don’t say goodbye, AJ tried.
-But this time we would have to. Do we?
And as my eyes met his, I knew the answer.
-It’s my child, AJ whispered and tears went down on his face. I was weak but all I could do is to go to him and try to ease the pain we both were feeling.

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