new york, new york

chapter 58

Our re-union was a jolly happening. I met Howie, Alicia and Nick in the airport.
-What was that town again?
-Tuscaloosa, Howie said patiently. That must have been tenth time me asking that very same question. Well, it sounds weird doesn't it?
-I can't understand why we couldn't go to California, Nick murmured.
-Sun and surf for this one, Howie sighed making me laugh. I felt so like home with them.
-So when are Brian and Leighanne coming?
-Tomorrow morning. They wanted to stop by Orlando. So, let's go find our car and get driving. There's some miles until we're there.

If I had known that Howie's idea of a nice holiday was to spend a week in the middle of nothing, I probably would have thought about it twice.
-Why does it have to be so cold? Nick complained when he was unpacking his stuff from the car.
-Cold? It's not even snowing.
I had to find something positive about that situation. OK, it was beautiful location. There were three cottages side by side in the small hill. And wherever you looked you couldn't see any houses. Lake started practically from the stairs of the mainhouse. By the shore was a one tiny house, which immediately caught my attention, and I promised myself to find out what was in it.
Temperature was about 40 degrees that to me as finnish is quite warm but Nick was shivering in his sweater.
-I thought that after I get out from Europe I could enjoy some warm athmosphere...

-Oh shut up, Howie said. -You can spend any of your spare days in Florida or Hawaii or where ever you want but at least here we can have our privacy.
-You can have your privacy in your own house, Nick still tried but we all knew that it wasn't quite right. MTV had told in their news about Backstreet Holiday so it was certain that fans were working hard to find out where their idols have hid for the weeks of their escape from publicity.
I took by bag and looked at the houses.
-So how shall we sleep? I mean there are only three houses, one for you and Howie, I said to Alicia. -One for Brian and Leighanne. And one for Nick and me?
I looked at him. He was as stunned as I.
-Well, you can't have it all. There should be two bedrooms, don't worry.

But there wasn't. One of the cottages was bigger than others, we left that for Brian and Leighanne, knowing that they would like to host. Nick and me had to make some changes, because there was only one bedroom. With resistance Nick finally agreed to sleep downstairs after we had brought one large bed from up. So I ended up ruling my own floor. Well, I had to sleep on the floor, but you can't simply have it all. Nick was having hard time facing it and for the sake we hid car keys from him so that he wouldn't leave us there middle of nowhere.

We had great evening. Howie and Alicia cooked as Nick and I made fire to the fireplace. He was easing up but still he had to say something like:
-Why can't it be easy as home? That you would just push a button...
I laughed at him as I laid wood into a pile and put the fire on. Sitting in front of it Nick had to admit that it was much warmer and vivid than those he had at home.

After dinner Howie forced Nick to wash the dishes. Alicia was kind enough to help him. And finally Howie had opportunity to interrogate me.
-How are you?
I decided to be honest with him.
-I haven't been sleeping that well. I guess that place was too full of memories. And controversial ones.
-Living in AJ's place with someone else... I know what you mean. But what about your future? Will you stay in Finland?
-For a while. I'll have to come to NY early next year. If everything goes fine I should be over with it in a month. And then I guess it's my time to go home and stay there.
-You don't want to stay in US?
-What do I have in here? Two ex-lovers I don't want to see and group of famous and busy people... This is cool but at the same time so surreal. I've got many great things during this year in here but it's all been so easy. I have to think what I really want and start to do something for it.
-I thought you wanted to write.
-I still do. But what and which language? Still it's much easier to success in Finland than here.
-You're right. You don't want to end up working in underpaid job in the alleys of NYC.
-True. And I can't be counting on you forever.
-Yes you can. But I know you're too proud to do that. Just remember that what ever happens... You can always call me.
-Thanks.
-I'll try to remember let you know my new numbers.
I laughed. Unpleasant fact was that they had to change their phone numbers almost every month. But that's how life goes.

After beating Nick three times in chess I decided to go to bed. So I left building we with sarcasm called mainhouse and went to our cottage. Nick stayed up later. But I felt so relaxed for the first time in days I thought I could get some sleep.

I was partly wrong. It took me few hours to fall asleep. But when I woke up sun was shining into my eyes and looking at the clock told me that it was almost noon. I streched myself in bed, feeling sheets covering me warmly. I rose up loaded with energy and went quietly downstairs. But there was surprise waiting for me. Note on the table said that Nick and probably Howie had went fishing. "Don't go anywhere until we get back. I have to talk with you." It was little confusing but I decided to take shower meantime.

But an hour later I was tired of waiting. Also I had noticed that there was another car in the yard. Leighanne and Brian had arrived and I was starving and longing for company. So I put my shoes on and headed to the mainhouse.

-Hey Bri, I yelled from the door and rushed in to hug him. I saw something weird in his eyes but didn't have time to stop to think, I was so glad to see one of my "landlords" once again. Other one I didn't care to see. But I did.

He just sat there looking probably as amazed as I did.
-Someone has to go shopping. Those two won't ever catch even one fish...
Leighanne came in and shut up as she saw me.
-Shit Anna, Brian said. -Can't you ever do as you're told?
I looked at him. I was one doing wrong here? If I remembered correctly, Howie had said that AJ would spend his week somewhere else and that he wouldn't even find out I was there. But now he knew. I didn't want to be in the same room with him so I rushed back out.

I was walking from end to end at the porch when Brian came out.
-Anna, I'm sorry. He came to us last night begging we'd take him with us. Being home alone in his state is not the best thing. Howie was supposed to tell you as they get back.
Brian looked out at the lake.
-I hope nothing has happened to those two. I'm not sure if they know how to row.
-He promised...
-AJ means a lot to us too. Listen, maybe it's not that bad. In here you can spend time together with us, you don't have to be alone with him, unless you want to. Is it so hard to think that you two could start to get along?
-Right now when we have both ended our first relationships after each other?
-Don't be a child, Anna. If you don't love him, then what are you afraid of?

There was the problem. I didn't know. I knew AJ was right when he said he couldn't be one comforting me but at the same time I wanted him to be. I wanted to run back in and into his arms and ask him never let me go. But I knew better than that. Our love wouldn't ever be enough.
-OK. I'll deal with him, I said to Brian who sighed. -Just tell him to stay away from my way.

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