new york, new york

chapter 50

-Would you please pull over here? I asked after we had turned from other corner. -And please wait for me.
I went out and looked back to make sure that the driver would wait me. You can�t never be sure about things like that in New York and I didn�t want to be left alone wandering to the street in the middle of the night.
I took a coin and went to the phone booth. Soon he answered.
-Hey, it�s me, Anna.
-Hey! Where in the heaven are you?
-It doesn�t matter. I guess you�re looking for AJ.
-Oh no, Nick breathed heavy. -You should see Kevin. He�s climing up to the walls! How could he just leave like that? He didn�t even wait for Tom. Everyone�s worried.
-He had few drinks too. He�s at his place. Do you have the address?
-Wait, I�ll write it down, just in case.
I told him where to go.
-I hope he�s still there.
-Anna, what is this all about? I mean I saw you with that guy and next thing I know you were going out and AJ headed to the bar. Then he was gone too.
-You have to ask from him. Bye.

I went back to the cab and gave the driver another address.

Lucky enough I still got the keys. I slipped it to the lock, hoping I wouldn�t wake anyone up. Apartment was dark and quiet. Silent I took my shoes off and sneaked in to the bedroom. I sat to the bed, didn�t put any lights on.

I went trough the whole night in my head. All I could hope was that no one really saw AJ attack. And about AJ�s drinking... I didn�t anymore hold myself resposible for that. He did his own decisions. Just seeing me with another man isn�t more that bad excuse.

An hour later I heard some noice. It was Oliver.
-Shh, I said when he opened the door. -Don�t be afraid, it�s just me.
He closed the door quietly.
-What happened? I had to ask.
-Nothing much, he shrugged. -I left. He stayed. I guess you owe me an explanation.
-Please sit down, it�s a long story.
He went to the chair, didn�t come next to me to the bed as I had hoped. I sighed and started to tell.

-We were over long time ago. You�re the one I love. It�s true, we have complicated relationship... But I love you, I cried.
Oliver didn�t come to comfort me. Instead he just stood up.
-I have to think about this. I�ll sleep at couch.
And then he was out of the room. I stared out of the window. It was soon 6 am and Oliver would have to wake up two hours later. I layed down but I knew I couldn�t sleep. I was so mad at AJ. What right did he have to mess up my whole life?

-Morning, I said when I saw Charlene in the kitchen. -I thought you went to work already.
-I have later shift, she replied. -Tea? You don�t look that good.
I sat down. Thought about tea actually made me sick but I just nodded, knowing how passionate relationship she had with that drink.
-I haven�t really slept.
She put the pot on the stove and sat down too. Her looks made me feel uncomfortable. Oliver had left hours earlier without coming to say goodbye. And I was too much of a coward to go and see him.
-You know how moms defend their sons. But remember, you�re like a daughter for me. Is there anything you would like to tell me?
I didn�t want to share the whole story with her. Not yet at least.
-Every affair has it own downsides, she continued. -Don�t look so surprised, of course I knew that you two had something going on. As much as I want Oliver to be happy, as much I want you to be happy. Sometimes you have to go trough a lot of pain just to get there. My marriage with Mr. Sand was most of the times very succesful. But I forgave him many things.
Trough my tears I could see friendly twinkle in her eyes.
-And even if it sounds cruel, Oliver has to find to way to solve his problems. I tried so much for Peter and most of the times I failed. It wasn�t easy for his father, it wasn�t easy for him, and it wasn�t easy for me. But look at him now. He�s doing what he likes and I really love Ricky. I know he can sometimes be so... lady but he obviously makes my son happy. So what do I have to say to that?
I swallowed.
-I�ve never thought that. I�ve know Peter for so little time. He�s always been a sunshine.
-He is, Charlene smiled. -Oliver is the harder one of those two. I think he suffered most from a distant father. Peter always had Oliver, me and Jennifer.
-You�ve raised two fine men, I said.
-I don�t know about that, she had laughter in her voice and rose to get us tea. -But I hope you two can work it out. I know you can. I don�t want a lose any of my childs.
Her smile was warm and I smiled back hesitating.
-Now, would you like strawberry or camomille tea? I think camomille is better for you, it makes me always sleepy and you look like you could use a nap.
I wiped off my tears and suddenly feeling extremely hungry made myself a sandwich.
-That�s my girl, Charlene said.

I took a nap and two hours, one shower and one more sandwich I felt myself little fresher. I went to the phone.
-Hello?
-Yeah hi, it�s Anna. Could you put me trough to Nick?
I held for a moment.
-Who am I talking to?
-It�s me, Anna again. Did you find him?
-He was there as you suspected.
-Well, where is he now?
-Right here with us. We are in the middle of rehearsal. Do you want to talk with him?
-Rather not. I�m glad he�s OK. Tell him that. Gotta go.
I could see Nick�s face in the other end when he�d realize I had hanged him up one more time. I reminded me not to make a habit out of it.

I walked in to another silent apartment. Only now it was late afternoon. Oliver hadn�t call from a work. I was scared.

I went to kitchen. It was clean, window was open, air was fresh, nothing reminded me of last night. Only one note on the table.
-Just push play, it said.
It was AJ�s handwriting. I went to the livingroom and looked at the stereos. He had programmed one song to be played. I didn�t know what to do, but I pushed play and listened.
It was Gabrielle�s �Over you�. As I listened it, I had to sit down to the floor.

�From the moment that we met
I knew that we would connect
your eyes had told me that somehow we shared a history
Feeling fearthless I took a chance
couldn�t let the moment pass
I felt that fate had played a hand
and brought you here to me
But happiness can be short-lived
and pain can bring you to your knees�

Well, it did that for me. But the song continued and I couldn�t stop it.

�Don�t think
that I�ll get over you
Don�t know
if I can make it trough
my darkest days without you in my life
And don�t think
that I can face the pain
I�ll never see your face again
I close my eyes and wonder when, will it ever end�

I didn�t close my eyes. I kept the wide open, even if the pain was tearing me apart.

�Got as close as we could be
felt that you could see trough me
You read my mind, you knew my life
became a part of me
Took for granted precious times
thought we had it on our side
By some cruel twist of fate
I had to watch you fade away�

I wish I would have been fading away. But no, there I still was, sitting in the living room in his apartment, listening his CD from his player, sneezing my nose to his paper... And yet I knew I was over him.

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