new york, new york

chapter 40

-Are we done now? Ben asked and Chris nodded. We had final meeting all together before the festival. It was a week ahead.
-Just one thing, Chris said. I was already gathering my things, it was extremely hot day and we were all tired of three hours of conversation and battle. -Anna sit down, this concerns you too.
I did as told wondering what it might be.
-As you know we have an opening gala exactly six days from now. I hope that all the performers and teachers are going to show up...
Everyone sighed. It wasn�t really our favorite occasion, it was more like for backers and sponsors.
-We have to have an opening speech though. It�s gonna be you Anna.
I guess everybody surprised, but me most.
-What? Why me?
-Your columns on our site have been a success and they�ve brought more publicity to us, Chris explained and Bob sitting next to him nodded. -I think it�s a good idea that you welcome our guests. It doesn�t have to be long, just some minutes. Tell about your work in here and something about tap. Just casual. People in there don�t know so much about this and you can tell it in common way.
I was still amazed even to resist.
-Now we�re done, Chris said. -Anna, three days, then I want to see your text. If you have anything to ask, contact Bob. Ben, Avi, you�ll I meet tomorrow. And others, still do your best!

I was in my room sweating about the speech when Oliver came in without knocking.
-You know, I said without moving my eyes from the screen. -I hate people who do that.
-I know.
He sat on my bed and obviously had no intention of leaving.
-What? I turned around to see him.
-This doesn�t work.
-I�m tired of guessing games, please be more specific.
-You can�t stay here anymore.
-What?!? Are you kicking me out?
-Well, someone has to. Mom is too polite to do that.
-Oh, right. But you�re not?
-Anna, you know it doesn�t work.
Oliver had came home two weeks earlier and we were getting on each other�s nerves. He was a nice guy, just that our schedules didn�t match and he had to sleep on the couch in the living room.
-I thought I�d help you to find a place to stay. You know that mom likes you a lot, and it would be easier for her, if you�d leave on your own initiative.
-Oliver, is this really good time to talk about this? I have like 6 hours till my deadline and in three days we�ll have a circus for a week. When do you think I have time to search a place to live?
-I have booked some meetings on tomorrow.
-Are you mad? I simply don�t have time!
-You have to have. Let me help you with that.
I turned to see the screen. There were two lines which I kept erasing and writing again and again.
-All right. If I get to do this on time, then I�ll go with you tomorrow. If not, you can find a place for yourself.

-Aha. Yeah.
Chris laughed a little. Then he looked at me.
-I knew you wouldn�t let us down. It�s great, just what we need. Just this, I would change this part here about your history, it�s really not that relevant. Shorten it a little. Otherwise... I�m very pleased.
Oliver had helped me a lot. He made me explain to him what the whole festival was about and how I felt about it and then asked questions when not understanding something. And that�s how it should be, because I had to remember that people I was going to give the speech in the other hand knew everything about the subject and then again had no clue what so ever.

So day after that we we�re standing in an apartment.
-I really like this one, Oliver said with an encouraging voice.
-Well, I don�t know. It�s too far and this place is dirty. And look at the size of this.
-Anna, you should understand that you can�t afford a place in Manhattan. Even this costs too much for your income right now. And what about when you don�t have any?
-Then why can�t you find a place? You have regular salary.
-It�s my mom.
-Shit, Oliver, I don�t want to move here. Can�t we postpone this with two weeks? Then I�ll promise I�ll find a place. If not from here, then I have to move somewhere else. Just that this is too much right now.
He had to agree. That was 20th place we were seeing. Real estate agent had a tense smile on his face when we turned his offer once again down.
-So now what? Oliver asked when we stood on the street.
-I need coffee, I answered and started to walk towards the next coffee shop.

To give some revenge, after that I dragged Oliver with me to buy me a dress.
-You�re not doing this to me!
-Now shut up. Your brother would be happy to be here.
-Then why isn�t he?
-You�ll have to do. What about this? I showed him another dress.
He shook his head: -No. That�s just not... you. If you�re going to do this, then let me to take you where you can find at least decent clothes.
I smiled.
-I knew you would know where to go!

Little over hour later we were standing in the line to the cash. I had a little gray dress, black high heel shoes and all accessories with me. I put them on the desk and the saleswoman started to take alarms off.
-Are you happy now? Oliver leaned to the desk.
-Yes. Wonder how much these are going to cost...
I looked at the increasing number.
-319 dollars, she finally said.
-Wow! I�ve never used this much on an outfit.
-Somehow I knew that, Oliver mumbled. I pushed him a little. Then I took my wallet. I gave the lady my card. She looked at it for a while.
-I�m sorry but this card isn�t accepted in here.
-What? Every other store accepts it.
-Well, we�re not every other store.
-Shit, I looked my moneys through. -I don�t have enough cash. Oliver, what about you?
-I don�t have any. Actually not even a credit card.
-Can you keep these in here if I�ll go to get money?
-I�m sorry, miss, but this is sale clothes, we don�t reserve these.
-Oliver! Why didn�t you remind me!?!
-Can�t you pay with your credit card?
I was too exited first even to understand what he meant but he stuck his finger to one of my cards.
-Do you accept this? I asked from the woman.
-Certainly.
I signed and she packed all the things and then we were out again.
-Want to walk home?
-Sure.

It wasn�t that short distance but as the night get later, the air get cooler.
-What�s that?
I suddenly started to listen.
-Hey, I know, come on.
Oliver started to drag me to the nearest church. We walked the steps up to the door and then he opened it. There was a note on the door: Free entry every Wednesday, welcome! We went in and there was a choir singing. It was so beautiful. We stood back there and just listened.
Then a black boy, about 10 years old, got up and went in the front of the choir. He started to sing with the brightest and highest voice I had ever heard. It was like an angel singing. Other singers back him up and I started to cry. Oliver looked at me stunned, but I just held his arm so I wouldn�t fall. I couldn�t help myself, it was just overwhelmingly beautiful.
When the song ended we went outside. I felt an urge to explain something to Oliver.
-You know... my voice was swallowed. -It�s just...
-Shahs... he said and hugged me. -Just cry if it makes you feel better.

Awkward enough, it didn�t change anything between us. We walked back home, where Charlene was waiting us with tea. I got to show her what I�ve bought and she was very happy that I had had such a great honor to give the speech. And in my three inch heels I stood there in the middle of kitchen and read it to them. Oliver smiled, and his eyes sparkled.

I was standing on the backstage with no nerves left. My dress was too short, my make-up too heavy, my heels too high, me too fat, everything was wrong.
-Now relax, Bob said. -Five minutes.
First Oliver had promised to come with me, but then he got a flue! He was wining in my bed (I had a pleasure of the couch) and I had to show up alone. I had been mingling for a while earlier. Everyone seemed to have something to say about my writings. It made me even more nervous.

-All right, there you go.
Bob pushed me to the back and I almost fell. I looked at him angrily, but he smiled back.
-It�s gonna be fine!
-...And here she comes, please welcome, Anna Green!
I went up on the stage. People were applauding politely. I couldn�t see them behind the lights, but I could sense them being there. And thinking them naked didn�t help!

-So finally, what is tap? Is it rhythm, is it heartbeat, what is it? I think you can�t describe it. When you�re a tapper, you know. What makes you a tapper? It�s not just that when you put your shoes on and start to dance, you live with it. It�s when you tap waiting for a bus. Luckily I haven�t broken any heels doing six count riffs on the subway stations. But that�s what it is. A feeling that goes around with you. And now you have a chance to share it with other. So put your shoes on, or don�t, and feel the rhythm. Tap your neighbor, not too hard! And enjoy your week in here. Thank you.
They clapped their hands. Some even cheered (they were probably Avi and Ben, being fatherly proud of me).
I got off from stage. Bob tapped me on my shoulder.
-It went well. These just came for you.
He was holding a big buck of flowers.
-Is there a card with them?
He handed it to me and I read it.
-Is there a telephone anywhere near here?
He handed his cell phone.
-Thanks, but I can�t use this. Any other?
-In the hall, I think. It works with coin.
-Thanks. Do you have a dime?
Bob searched his pockets.
-Only a dollar.
-Then that has to do.

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