new york, new york

chapter 4

-And you my friend... I let Kevin hug me. I shook Kristin�s hand, we had met just for few times, passing by in a hurry. Not mine.
Driving down to Bri�s house was silent. AJ drove and I looked scenes flashing by. I was wearing my only decent pair of trousers and other one of those shirts I�d bought, with AJ�s credit card. Like he couldn�t afford it? Sure he could but I would have felt better if I knew that I had paid them by myself.
Sitting downstairs waiting for me AJ didn�t say anything about my outfit even if I had used ten precious minutes trying to do my hair. But hey, what can you except from a guy like that?
Still those things, or maybe something else, weather, still raining, made me little mean. I hated Nick�s girlfriend. Her name was Maddy and she was everything that I had wished as 16 years old I could be, tall, gorgeous blonde. But not anymore wanted I to be like her.
-Lord how old is she? I asked Howie when I first had met her. -18?
-21 actually.
-Don�t believe!
I know that my taste of humor is weird, but she didn�t get it at all. Not at all. And I wouldn�t change any inch of her, have to admit very beautiful legs, to my brain.
-See! Sweet D. Look around. Brian has a wife, Kevin does too, Nick always has Maddy, even AJ brings someone, try to forget it�s just me, and then you, you come all alone. Are you sure you�re not gay?
Howie came you hug me. I looked over at Maddy and she seemed so lost. She whispered something to Nick who didn�t bother to answer but looked pretty annoyed.
As a fact I knew that one dancer called Alicia had been warming up Howie�s bed lately. So at least at that point he wasn�t gay. Alicia then again... That�s another story. I wasn�t sure if even Howie realized how much I knew about their relationship. I didn�t knew her personally but I had my sources in the small circles of dancers.

In the end the night was success. We sat outside, the rain had finally stopped after we ate. It was still pretty wet and rainbows in the horizon.
-More wine anyone? Leighanne shouted from the door.
-Get the bottles here and relax, Brian shouted back.
It was nice and comfort. Like one big family. I knew I wasn�t part of it but it didn�t bother me. I enjoyed the warm feelings around me. Even AJ made sure every once in a while that I was OK. One who didn�t feel comfortable was Maddy. No one made her feel any better. Nick was in the middle of friendly verbal battle with Kevin and as usual could concentrate on one thing at the same time. And not even that for a long time. I tried to discuss with Maddy but it didn�t work at all. She had no idea what I was talking about so I gave up pretty soon. Still it was awful to watch her staring her own hands in the chair with a perfect posture when everyone else had loosen their (imagined) ties. So I grabbed Nick�s hand and took him inside.

Nick was easy to get along with. It took a while to realize how he worked but once you did it was a piece of cake. But he wasn�t the most sensitive people.
-What the hell do you think you�re doing?
-What? he scratched his cheek. -What are you talking about?
The wine made me perhaps more bitter that usual.
-Just keep her in you bed, will ya? See, she doesn�t belong here.
Nick looked out to the yard. Brian was telling some joke, everyone were smiling and waiting for the highlight. Except one. Right then I felt so sorry for Maddy. It was the same reason I hated the Boys occasionally, did that even at home earlier. She couldn�t be more that she was raised to be. She had to know that she�s beautiful and in that world it�s the first thing that matters. Not the only one but the first.
-You don�t belong here.
-Yes. And I do know that! Look at her. She wants to share her life with you. Everything about it. And you take her there and let her try to solve all the things by herself.
-AJ doesn�t hold your hand.
-He�s not my boyfriend! And I�m little different than Maddy, have you noticed? Do yourself a favor and go home with her and fuck her as much as you like but don�t...
-Don�t what?
-Or better. Take her away from here and dump her. It�s a favor for her.
-Why?
-She�ll never fit in. She would ever be like Leighanne or Alicia...
-Who?
-No one. Nick wake up!
And then again I felt mad and weak. Like how can people make for themselves so much limitations or let others do them for them. I was so determined to manage on my own!

Midnight had passed some moments ago. The wine made me free and easy, in every meaning those words have. Nick had called a cab for Maddy. Not quite what I meant but that�s Nick. I sure hoped he could find some solutions to that dilemma.
I sat alone, left in the edge of group, listened the conversation with one ear. Some irrational notes flew out from the windows, Kevin was playing the piano in the living room. AJ came from he house with a full glass of red wine. He placed it in front of me.
-You look like you could use some more.
I looked at him and tried to decide whether he was serious or not.
-No more.
AJ took the glass.
-Just make sure you don�t pass out to that chair.
And then he went on. Sure! That�s how it was. First he made me think that he could care about how I do and then he takes it all back.
I wasn�t about to pass out. I stood up and headed to the French glass doors, which lead to Kevin and the piano.
-Hey Anna. How are you doing? Come and sit here, girl.
I went to the bench where Kevin made some space for me.
-So what have you been up lately? Story going well on?
-Yes it is. I write a lot. I�ve typed some up already.
-But it isn�t finished?
-No not yet.
-AJ keeps telling about that.
-He does? I was amazed.
-Yeah.
Kevin didn�t say more but hit some notes.
-Would you like to sing something?
-Sure. But I don�t know that many songs in English.
-There must be some. What about Beatles?
Kevin played the chorus from Yesterday.
-No not that!
-Why not?
-It�s way too pathetic to this moment.
-Then what? You name it, I�ll play.
-I don�t know...
-Tears in heaven?
-And it starts to rain again... not.
-Show must go on? Let it be? Love me tender? Woman in love? You�ve gotta know at least some of these.
-I do. Just play Wonderful tonight.
Kevin started to play and I sang. I�m really not that much of a singer, I like it but my voice is... weird. Like everything about me!
People were gathering around us. When the second verse begun, AJ started to sing. And all five of them sang the chorus in five keys. It sounded so great! And then, just plain me, I sang the last verse:

�It�s time to go home now
and I�ve got an aching head
so I give her the car keys
and she helps me to bed
And then I tell her as I turn out the light
I say: My darling, you are wonderful tonight�

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