new york, new york

chapter 35

I was throwing my last bag to the back of our van.
-Are you sure about this? Peter asked.
I nodded.
-OK then. You got my number, just call if you need a ride, I�ll come to get you.
-I manage there on my own, I promise. Tomorrow night I�ll be in the audience.
-You�d better be, Ricky said.
-We got all your stuff, Peter added.
-Not all, I showed my little bag. -Don�t worry. See you tomorrow!

They got into the car. I stood there in the end of street looking after them as they drove away. I took my back and headed the nearest bus stop, destination Colorado Springs.

I looked around. The place was nice, maybe even too nice. The lake was lighted, signs of city reflected from it. I walked into a silent lobby.
-Good evening, how can I help you? receptionist asked. I put my bag on the floor.
-I�m looking for Robin Hood and his merry men.
He looked at me for a while but then he gave in.
-Who specially?
-Friar Tuck.
-And who shall I say you are?
-The right hand of Nottingham Sheriff.
-Please make yourself comfortable. Someone will show you the way after...
-You�ve called AJ and he has said if I can come or not, I thought but took my bag and went to sit on the sofa as the receptionist started to make his calls.

-This is it, bellhop said as we stood in front of the door. He looked waiting but I didn�t have anything to give to him. With a bitter smile he opened the door.
-Mr. Tuck is expecting you.
-Thank you, I said and went in.

-You�re a whole person, AJ said as he saw me. -I thought you said you�d be just right hand.
I didn�t answer. He let me more in and we went into the living room of the suite. From the window you could see the lake once again. Room itself was almost dark. I turned to see AJ. He didn�t look good. Signs that I had seen on the stage were more obvious now; he was tired.
-How have you been?
-Usual, he answered. -Would you like to sit down?
-No. I need cigarette, do you have any?
AJ went to get a box and opened the door. He gave me one and lighted it. I inhaled.
-I really liked Johnny�s song.
-It wasn�t Johnny�s. It was mine.
-Well, I liked it anyway.
He was silent.
-Why AJ why? You have to talk to me.
-It�s a long story.
-And I�ve got all night.

-I meant it all. It was about you. That song. I had had the melody for the long time but I wrote it the night you left.
-It was almost morning.
-I went after you 4 am.
I had just left. 10 minutes earlier or so.
-I wanted to talk with you. I wanted to do it earlier but there just didn�t seem to be time or place for that.
I had a sarcastic comment on the tip of my tongue but I swallowed it. I didn�t want to scare AJ.
-And you were gone. It was unbelievable. When I went home I knew how much I would miss you. And then I wrote it.
-You had the melody before. Did you play it at your place anytime so I could have heard it?
-Never. I hummed it occasionally. I had notes of that but I didn�t play it.
-Then how did I knew that?
-You don�t remember?
He stared me looking so sad that I got really terrified.
-Remember what?
-The night.
And it all came back to that.
-What about it? All I remember is how you made me cry and then left me at Brian�s.
AJ lighted another cigarette. I had to sit down.
-That night... I was bitter. I didn�t meant to make you cry. I hated myself for that. I was just trying to protect myself. I was falling already then. And when you screamed at night...
-I did what?!?
-You screamed. Had a bad dream or something, I don�t know. I held you... And I kissed you and you laid on my arms being so... I can�t even describe it. You didn�t really wake up at all. But I sang that song to you, without no words of course.
Then I remembered the dream of being on shore and AJ singing me a song...
-Then what?
-Then I left as you know. And because I didn�t want to hurt you I left you there.
-You didn�t want to hurt me?
-Or me. Anna, you were gone already when you came. You wouldn�t have stayed no matter what I would have done. And do you think that someone really wants to fall in love with a vagabond who�s eventually gonna leave and break your heart?
-I guess not.
-But then you answered with a song. And I couldn�t let go. I had to play with the fire. To see what if. And you know what then happened.
-Why? Why did you think that I would sleep with you?
-I didn�t. I wanted to talk with you. Give you all the options, ask you to stay but feeling free to leave. Then I just saw you there out on the balcony. Like the first day we met. And way you looked me when I came there... You could have said no.
-But I didn�t.
-No. Can you blame me of that?
-I don�t blame you of anything.
-Yes you do.
-Well, since we�re talking about it... Who was she?
-You mean Helen? She is... was... I wanted to make it work. But after you came I knew it wouldn�t. She was so sweet, and I broke her heart.
-Along with mine.
-Shut up. I had promised to take her to the party and I intended to tell her there that it was over. As I did. Little less gentle than I thought, since I had to go search you.
-How did you find me?
-Anna I know you.
I looked at the nightly sky. I took my shoes off and curled up to the corner of the sofa.
-Way you look when you think. Way you straighten you�re ankles when your feet are tired. Way you spin your hairs around your finger when you�re tired. How you sniff when you sleep. How you look when you wake up and your hair is not perfect. How you eat and read at the same time. How much you like music. How you watch the movie in complete silence and don�t want anyone to bother you... I know you.
-Then tell me why I left.
-Because you didn�t know what else to do. You�re running. That�s why I didn�t call you. Yes it would have been easy but I didn�t want to give you satisfaction of turning me down.
-And now you think I came to stay?
-I don�t know. You tell me.
I stood up and went to window. I couldn�t look at AJ.
-You told me now many things that is going to make this hard. AJ I do love you, somehow, someway, you know that because if you know me as well as you say you do, you�re aware of the fact that just anyone can�t seduce me. But I�m not who you think I am. I�m not what you need.
-Wouldn�t you let me decide that?
He came behind me and put his hands on my shoulders. I resisted the desire to lean back. Instead I took a step away.
-I�m gonna leave.
-Right now?
-No. I can stay tonight.
-And then you�re gonna go on road again? AJ turned away frustrated.
-No. I�m gonna leave this country.
I went to him.
-It�s my time to go. As you said, I have been running and now it�s my time to stay. But not here. I don�t belong here. I have to go home.
Tears were in my eyes.
-If you want I can go now.
He didn�t say anything, kept his head down. I started to put shoes on. He looked up, then at me.
-Please stay tonight.
I went to hug him and we cried together for the lost opportunity.

Next Chapter

I'm way too curious. Tell me what you think.

Menu