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chapter 34

Finally I got home and then Peter and Ricky were there already.
-Hey, what�s wrong with you? Ricky asked when he saw me.
-Nothing. How was the show?
-Usual. Nikki did it better though.
-Then I�m glad. I�m going to bed.

I rushed to my room and sat on the bed. Peter came to knock on my door.
-Anna, are you alright?
-Come on in, I said knowing that I had to explain something to him. He wouldn�t just take no for an answer.
-You look like you�ve been crying. Are you homesick?
-No, I sniffed. -Or...
I got to think.
-Maybe even that little. I�m gonna tell you a story. Then you can tell me what I can do.
Peter came to sit next to me and I started to tell.

Further on I got, more calmer I was. It sounded like it would have been someone else�s life, not mine anyway. I didn�t tell all the details, like the fact that Johnny was really AJ McLean and other guys Backstreet Boys.

-Well, that�s something, Peter said when I finished. -And you saw him tonight?
-Something like that.
-Well, what did he do?
-Maybe said he�d love me.
-What�s wrong with that?
-I don�t know.
I stood up and started to walk a small circle.
-It�s not that simple.
-To me it sounds that you should really have to talk to him.
-Really?
-Really.
I stood still.
-What if I don�t want to? What if I can�t?
-What makes you to think that?
-Everything! He�s just so... I don�t love him. At least I think so. He�s not my type, I�m so wrong for him. All that.
-Anna. You share a history. You have to make some sense out of it or you can�t move on.
-Haven�t I?
-As being here? Your mind has been somewhere else.

I didn�t call him or anything. I just couldn�t. I lived on. Or I thought so. It wasn�t that easy either.

Few days later I headed to internet cafe. It was our last night in Pueblo so I thought I should take the advantage of big city as long as I could.
I logged on and read my e-mails. There were some from my friends in Finland, commercials, all that stuff. It took me an hour and half to answer all them. Then I logged to the message boards. Then it hit me.

�Who is Anna?!?�
I read the whole message.
�Listen, I was in the Johnny No-Name concert and it was just great! One song he sang was just fabulous. He dedicated it to someone special, do you know who that is? Because after that Nick and Howie came to stage and then they said something like �We miss you Anna�. So who is this Anna? PLZ, tell me!!!�

She had got a lot of replies. I opened one of them.
�Anna is Howie�s g/f.�
Well, that made me laugh.
�To see her picture, go to www.nick.backstreet.net/386976.html�

That didn�t! I copied the link and waited it to open. And there it was. Me and Howie going to the Tabu at that night of the party. I have to admit that I looked pretty good. But Howie�s g/f? I got back on the message board and typed a short message:
�Trust me, I know, Anna is no one special and especially not Howie�s girlfriend.�

I didn�t leave my e-mail there because I didn�t want to answer any questions. But there seemed to be other person who I needed to explain something. But is still wasn�t AJ.

-Hello?
-Alicia? Hi, this is Anna. Do you know who I am?
-Anna? Yes I do. How did you get my number?
-I asked from Nikki.
-Oh, alright. So you�re still touring with them.
-Yes. Listen, I know this sounds weird but I know about you and Howie.
-I know you do. He told me.
-What has he told you about other things?
-What other things?
-Never mind.
-If you mean AJ... You were at that concert, weren�t you?
I sighed: -If you know, then I guess that Howie and AJ know too.
-They do. Anna. You�re being cruel.
-I didn�t call to get a lecture. Just to apologize the misunderstanding of me being Howie�s girlfriend. It�s just that one photo, and he said those words at the concert, didn�t he?
-He just said what AJ couldn�t.
-He�s known all the time where I am?
-Yes. Nikki told me, I told to Howie... Well you know how it goes.
-But then why...?
-You left without a note. He�s hurt.
-He has every right to be. But so do I.
-Have you ever talked with him?
-If he instead of just calling me throws a concert at the town I�m in? Yeah right.
-Where are you calling from?
-Phone booth.
-Why?
-My number is not in use.
-There you go.
-Alicia, I know that I�m maybe doing all wrong things. It�s just that even Howie doesn�t know it all.
-What all?
-We slept together.
-You what?
-You heard me. Before the party. And then he was there with another woman. It wasn�t just flirt.
-And he didn�t explain it at all?
-No. I ran off, he came to get me and drove me home. Well, to Brian�s. But didn�t say a word.
-You know he has been trough a lot...
-And that gives him a right to do whatever he wants? And if I decide to do what I should have done a long time ago, I get blamed. I�m sure that he can play a longing lover very well. But it isn�t that easy. And even now, he has known where I go. How much does it takes to ask from you or Nikki for example Peter�s number? He doesn�t even want to see me.
-He does.
-How do you know? All you know is what Howie tells you. And I didn�t tell to him because I don�t want them to take sides. I take my responsibility of that slight, and so should AJ.
-Just talk to him. They�re staying at Colorado Springs for 3 more nights. The Broadmoor Hotel.
-OK, thanks. But Alicia, don�t tell Howie.
-I won�t. I want to stay out of this.
-Well, you can�t anymore. My money is out. Bye.

I didn�t know what to do. I held the piece of paper on my hand where was written the name of hotel. I put it to my pocket and headed to theater. Our last night in Pueblo. We had had good reviews so another night of audience was quarantined.

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