new york, new york

chapter 3

Water was caressing my skin as I dived once more time to the pool. I had a habit to swim every morning. Sometimes inside, sometimes outside, depending the weather. At that morning it was raining outside so I decided to stay in.
I got up from the pool and reached the towel. I dried my hair a little and threw a robe on me. I opened the door and went to the terrace. Rain was hard so I was lucky to have a roof above my head. I stood there looking to the garden until someone coughed little. AJ was sitting in the chair next to me.
-I brought you coffee.
I sat down stunned. Usually AJ wasn�t up at that hour.
-Thanks.
AJ leaned forward to put his cup on the small table between us. Then he leaned back.
-How come you left your home?
I was always completely honest with him. If he asked, I told.
-I�ve told you how it happened. Just one day I decided to leave.
-But not the same day you left?
-Of course not. I had to take care of so many things before leaving.
-Do you remember the day you made that decision?
-Yeah.
-Then why? I mean what was it that brought you to that.
-I�ve told you that.
-No. You haven�t. I know what you�re life was like. I know what you did to be able to leave. What I don�t know is how you came up with that. What was the final word or whatever that made up your mind.
I put my cup to the table also �cause I couldn�t concentrate on that coffee right then. I had to think. I mean think really hard. I knew that it had been a long process. How I was unsatisfied with my life and knew that something had to happen. And then how I convinced my parents to put their money on my trip instead of paying me to one year boarding school with no graduate.
-That artist I told you about last night... I listened to her album.
I sang one of her songs.
-Pretty much it says something about going out to the icy rain and nobody cares about where you go, everybody says that life wins and you should smile, that today someone�s dreams come true, but not ever yours, no, never yours. And in the next one she sings that if she�d had one wish she�d go to bed and in the morning everything would be fine or that she would feel at least a bit better. Actually all her songs got me to think. But the first one especially.
-How? What? Can you still see the details?
-It was rainy day like this. I was listening to the album and lying on the floor doing nothing. And I realized that I always thought that everybody else have reached to their dreams except me. And that I was using so much time of dreaming that I didn�t do anything about them.
-You should play that song for me sometimes.
-Sure. Just when I get that.
AJ stood up.
-Your voice isn�t bad.
Then he took his cup and went in. I stared at my one and remembered one more song from the album where she sings about fighting and lukewarm coffee. And suddenly I was so homesick. Not because of that album but because of the lack of expressing yourself completely with words in foreign language.

So how was it to live with a Backstreet Boy? Not that special. Sometimes above the stairs I looked down and thought that I had never believed that this would be where I�d end up. But drifting around in my life for so many years I welcomed every change with a pleasure. Basically I got up in the morning, swam mile or two, got some breakfast. Then I went up to my room and wrote for few hours. Then after the lunch, that was the time AJ usually got up, I trained a little, went for a walk or to the studio if someone was free to drive me there, then dinner and some reading, e-mailing, writing if I had inspiration left and watching movies or TV. If some of the Boys came by I maybe played some pool but if not, I spent my time alone. I wasn�t allowed to leave the house by walking.
But I was used of being alone. I actually enjoyed it. For months I had been sharing my life with different people, my life, rooms, beds, clothes, toothbrushes, whatever. Now I finally had my privacy. And I gave AJ his.

In the evening I was watching some Happy Days reruns when AJ came to my room. This time he knocked.
-I just thought you might wanna know that Brian asked me over tonight.
-OK.
That was pretty weird because usually AJ didn�t tell if he was going somewhere. And I didn�t ask. I just heard the car leaving the driveway and coming back at the wee hours. But even weirder, AJ didn�t leave the room right away.
-He wants you to be there too.
-What? Me?
-Don�t panic. It�s just casual thing. All the Boys are coming. Bri thinks you�ve been indoor too much.
-What about you? I thought but kept my mouth shut. To be honest - see he didn�t ask so I didn�t have to tell him - I was little disappointed that AJ left me so completely out of his life. I don�t mean that he should have take me everywhere with him but sometimes when we were alone in the house and chances even to see him were slight. Like it would hurt anyone to have some conversation.
-Sure, I�ll come. When do we leave?
-In about an hour.
-OK. I think I have to go to the shower.
I climbed up from the sofa. AJ was still in the room.
-What?
He looked confused.
-Nothing. Meet you downstairs.
-OK.

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