new york, new york

chapter 15

I was hunting the last piece of pasta from a saucepan in a kitchen when Brian walked in.
-What are you doing?
-Mum... That sure was good. What does it look like? I was eating.
-You do know that people use plates?
-Well, not me. This is the usual way for me. I get all freaked out with different forks and knives and spoons anyway.
-That reminds me of something...
Brian made a sandwich and looked thoughtful. I didn�t want to bring that gala-thing up because there was a strong possibility that Howie was making his own decisions.
-Darling, what was it I was supposed to tell Anna? Brian yelled to the living room.
-Honey, I don�t know. You don�t tell me anything anymore! came the answer. -Or was it that...?
-Party! Brian shouted.
-What party? I didn�t have to try to look like surprised since Brian had frightened me with his loud voice.
-Leighanne, could you come over here and explain Anna what that all was about?
-You don�t have to howl! I�m right here.
And Leighanne came into kitchen.
-It�s a... I don�t know, a party?
-You sure help much, Brian laughed.
-Just let me think! OK. It�s a party for the Boys before they leave the town again. It�s very unofficial and it will be held at Tabu.
-And what about it? I had to ask.
-You�re coming, Leighanne said.
-Yeah, Brian added.
-Right? I don�t have anything to wear.
-Women, Brian said.
-Shut up, my dear husband. We�ll just have to shop something.
Outs. This was going to be hard but it had to be done.
-Listen, I don�t have money to buy any fancy clothes and coming in jeans would make me feel very awkward.
-But Anna, did you really think I would let you pay? Leighanne asked.
-Do you really think that I would let you pay? After all this you�ve given me.
-It�s no shame. A good Christian should share.
-Tell that to the world, I jested.
-Anna. Please let me buy you a dress.
-No thank you. I just don�t come.
-But you should...
-I won�t come. End of the discussion.
I left the kitchen feeling irritated. It would have been easy to take all you can get, I even did have AJ�s credit card, but I just couldn�t do it. Them sharing their houses and lives with me should be enough. And I wouldn�t have complained if they�d lived in a small two bedroom house across the city because the mood was important, not material things. But still I felt like I made too much out of it. And I knew that Brian and Leighanne would have a long conversation later on that day. Sometimes you just lose your touch to reality. I didn�t want to lose mine.

Someone did try that a little harder. I listened once again to that song AJ had sent me. It didn�t clear up at all. I was just lost in the jungle of words. So I almost chose a song at random and went to record it downstairs. I passed Brian�s and Leighanne�s bedroom and could see the light under the door and hear faint voices.

Well, now looking back, that�s where I made the worst mistake. And the thing I most regret is that I didn�t realize it then. It another thing to do mistakes and be aware of the possible causes than do something you think doesn�t matter and it turns into a hell. The song was Pink�s You Make Me Sick. Main point of the lyrics is of course: �I want you and I'm hatin it�. And I was looking at the title because AJ was making me sick. He was making my life too complicated. I didn�t know anything then!

I left the CD to a kitchen table hoping that Brian would pick it up at the morning, no matter where he was going, just get it to AJ and I would get my peace of mind. I didn�t stop to think even for a minute how I was supposed to get that. Just ending that farce? Being as curious as me it wouldn�t have ever worked. But I was so naive and hopeful then. And again, I slept my nights very well, even if the dreams I remembered in the end of the night were, so to say... weird.

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I'm way too curious. Tell me what you think.

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