Chapter Five
Never There
Kate Bosworth awoke one foggy London morning to the sound of running water and clanging in the kitchen. �Orlando?� she called, hoping to elicit a response. None came. Sighing, she turned over to see the other half of the bed in disarray with only a small indentation proving that Orlando had indeed slept there. She glanced at the clock next to the bed. It was seven in the morning. �Too friggin� early,� she grumbled, swinging her legs over the side of the bed.
After splashing a little water on her face and adjusting the boxers she had slept in (they were his, and too big), Kate walked slowly down the hall that led toward the kitchen, hoping to see her boyfriend before he took off again. Her wish was granted. Orlando was running wildly around the small kitchen, preparing toast and coffee and trying his hardest not to let his wet hair drip too much on his shirt. Finally he grabbed a bandanna and tied it around his head. Grabbing his breakfast, he made to run out the door, only to be stopped by Kate. �Where are you going in such a hurry?� she called.
�Kate! I didn�t even see you! Sorry love, but I�m running late already. Got to get to the airport, you know. Love you! Talk to you soon!� He opened the door and was gone.
Kate stood dumbfounded. �OK,� she mumbled. �I guess we�re not kissing each other goodbye anymore. Or even saying goodbye for that matter. It�s fine,� she continued in a louder voice �Really. Go off to your next set. I�ll just sit here and wait for you to get back. I can show myself out, it�s fine! I can navigate London. I can clean up your mess!� Though she knew he couldn�t hear, it felt good to yell at him.
It was the middle of February, and Kate had flown all the way to London to be with Orlando for Valentine�s Day. And now, just two days later, he was flitting off to Spain. Kate would join him there later for a few days, but at this moment she was having second thoughts about going. Things had been tense and edgy with him since Christmas, and all Kate wanted to do was go home. Or back to school. She hadn�t seen anyone from Princeton since the beginning of December. Filming on Beyond the Sea was finally winding down, but the constantly busy schedule had been too stressful. It was getting harder and harder to juggle school, work, and a boyfriend who was always continent-hopping.
Kate sighed and began cleaning up around the apartment. She cleaned the kitchen first and then moved to the office, hoping to tidy up Orlando�s giant stack of mail. She smiled at the copious amount of perfumed letters from fans that had somehow tracked down his home address. Poor Orlando, she thought. No time to answer all your fans. You�re never here.
Kate paused when she reached the next stack. Sitting on top was Orlando�s cell phone bill. It was out of the envelope; the complete record of all his phone calls was displayed for the world to see. Kate hesitated. She was fighting the temptation to look through the pages, just to see who he had been calling. After all, he hardly ever called her, so why would his bill be so thick? No, you�re the one who�s thick. You can�t look at the bill. That�s invading his privacy. But didn�t she deserve a look? She didn�t suspect any illicit affairs or anything, but it would be so interesting�
Probably just his mom and Sam, she thought unconvincingly. She started to fold the pages up to put them back in the envelope, but one slipped. �Oh, look at that!� she said out loud, as if convincing a bystander of her complete innocence. �I should just pick that up and put it back in the stack��
She glanced at the page. �Yeah, that�s his mom�s number, and I think that�s Sam,� she continued out loud. She felt less guilty this way. �Oh, that�s a US number! It�s Kelly! Oh good, he�s been calling Kelly. That�s good.� She paused and turned the page over. �Oh, he�s been calling Kelly a lot. Wow. Quite a few times, it seems.� The temptation was too strong. She looked through the other pages. Sure enough, it was Kelly�s number that was repeated the most. Their conversations were never very long, it seemed, but they were very frequent. �Well, it�s good they�re friends. Nothing wrong with a few phone calls.� She paused, as if just realizing she was talking out loud, yet continued. �Kate, this is silly. You�re talking out loud. OK, time to stop.� Kate dropped the phone bill and left the office, closing the door behind her. She needed to get out of the apartment. She needed to think.
* * *
Two days later, Kate stepped off a plane in Seville, Spain. She smiled as Orlando ran to her and scooped her into a warm embrace. But something still didn�t feel right. It was time to talk.
She was silent in the car ride to his rented apartment. �Kate, is something wrong?� he asked quietly, resting his hand on her thigh.
�No, Orlando. I�m OK,� she said meekly, giving him a weak smile. He seemed to believe her and kept quiet for the rest of the trip.
But when they got to the apartment, there would be anything but quiet. Kate took a deep breath and readied herself for the argument that was sure to unfold.
�Orlando,� she began calmly, �when�s the last time we were together for an entire month? Or a week for that matter?�
Orlando just looked at her. �I don�t know.�
�Me neither. Well, here�s another question: When�s the last time we went to a premiere together?� She waited. �You might be having trouble with that answer because it�s never. We�ve never been to a premiere together. We�ve never been photographed together. We�ve never posed together or coordinated outfits or stepped out of a limo together or anything!� Kate gripped the back of a chair. She saw that this was catching Orlando completely off guard, and he struggled to respond.
�Well, Kate, what do you want?� he stammered at last. �Do you want the publicity? The media coverage? Do you want to be scrutinized like every other couple?�
�No. No, it�s not the publicity. I could give a shit about the media. It�s the principle of the thing. I�m talking about you and me. I want to know that you want me to be your girlfriend. Seriously. That you will someday take me to premieres and openings and all the typical relationship stuff. I want to know that you find it as hard as I do to be apart for weeks at a time!�
�I do, Kate, you know I can�t stand it�� he trailed off.
Kate paused. The next part would be hard, but she had to say it. She was tired of being so angry and having to keep all the frustration bottled up. They were together now. They needed to talk. �Well, Orlando, sometimes it doesn�t feel that way.� She bit back tears at the look on his face. �Sometimes it feels like, I don�t know, like we�re not even together. Like we�re not making enough of an effort to make this work. And that kills me Orlando, it really kills me. We can�t even get our shit together enough to see each other more than three times a month!�
Orlando�s stunned look suddenly hardened. �Kate, we can�t waste more breath rehashing this argument,� he said adamantly. �We�ve been having it since Christmas. Come on, love�� He reached out to hug her. She pulled back.
�No, we haven�t been having this argument since Christmas. We�ve been ignoring it since Christmas. And we can�t ignore it anymore. If we do, where does that leave us? Just walking around and dodging this wall whenever it comes up?�
�If it works�� Orlando trailed off at the indignant look on Kate�s face. �Look, let�s just leave it for now. Let�s change the subject.�
Kate could feel the frustration pulsating through her veins. She clenched the chair even harder. �No! I don�t want to change the subject! I mean, forgive me for being needy, but this is important! If there�s something else you�d rather do or someone else you�d rather be with, then maybe� I don�t know�� Kate was at a loss for words.
�Wait,� Orlando said. �Wait, does this have to do with Kelly? Because I know I�ve been talking to her a lot recently, but��
�Kelly?� Kate looked confused. �Maybe! I don�t know! Does it? The fact that you could come up with her name so quickly doesn�t really calm my fears, I know this may come as a shock to you��
�Kate, I love you,� he said with a sigh. �I love being with you, and you know this. Can we please change the subject?�
�No, Orlando, no! Don�t say that you love me, just tell me that you want me!�
�Tusk!� he shouted.
Kate stopped. �What? What the hell does that mean?�
Orlando smiled. �You said a Fleetwood Mac lyric just then. From the song �Tusk.�� Orlando started humming the tune and did a little dance.
Kate stared at him dumbfounded. Her mouth was wide open and her knuckles were turning awfully white. �I don�t believe you,� she spat.
�Come on, I was just trying to lighten the mood, Kate,� he said with a sympathetic look on his face.
�Right. Of course. Because it would be crazy to actually have a serious discussion about something trivial like our relationship, Orlando. What was I thinking?� Kate was struggling to keep back the tears that threatened to fall.
�Kate, please�� he said, reaching for her, but she stopped him.
�No. You know what? No more. I hate myself like this. I hate feeling like some maniacally needy and insecure girlfriend.�
�So don�t feel like that. Feel like the beloved girlfriend of a guy just trying to have a little fun.�
�Well, I�ve felt like that for more than a year, and I�m just wondering if there�s anything else. Are we going to just �have fun� forever? Are we going to trade Fleetwood Mac lyrics until we�re blue in the face? Or are we going to progress into something more?�
�I don�t know. I honestly don�t know, Kate. I�m burning the candle at both ends, and I know you are too. I�ve wondered if it�s worth the time, energy, and money just like you have, and the only answer I can come up with is I don�t know!� Orlando was yelling now. �Do you think I like this? For Christ�s sake, I have no bloody idea. The only thing I know is that I have to prioritize. We have to prioritize. I can�t be focused on �us� all the time. It�s just not possible, and you know this. So I don�t know where that leaves us, but I think you should decide.�
Silence filled the room for a full minute. Kate hung her head and began to cry. Orlando just stood there helplessly, looking at Kate. She finally brought her head up and said through her sniffles, �OK. That�s fair. I�m going to choose to spend the rest of my time in Spain alone. Then I�m going back to Princeton, and I�m just going to chill for a while. I think a break would be good for us. You can finish up stuff, I can sort through stuff, and we can get back together when everything has calmed down. What do you think?�
Orlando moved closer to Kate and started stroking her hair. �I think it�s brilliant, Kate. It�s too hectic right now. Crazy. A change will do us good.�
�Sheryl Crow,� Kate whispered.
�What?�
�Lyrics. You said a Sheryl Crow lyric. Just my contribution.� She smiled through the tears.
Orlando returned the smile and pulled her closer. �I loved it. We�re square. No more lyrics for a while. Now you go, and have fun in Spain. Have a safe trip back, and call me as soon as you�re back to your dorm. I�m here if you need anything, alright?� He held Kate at arm�s length and looked directly into her eyes.
�Yeah. Definitely,� she said quietly, staring right back at him. �Thank you for understanding. I love you. I�m sorry I yelled.�
�Don�t be sorry. It was sexy,� he joked with a flirtatious smile. �I love you too, Kate.� He moved his hands to her face and leaned down to kiss her. He wiped the tears from her face and hugged her one final time. Kate just stood there, comforted by his strong embrace, and took in everything that had been said. Going home would be what she needed. She gave Orlando a final kiss on the cheek, gathered her luggage, and walked out the door.
* * *
�Yeah, she�s due here in a few minutes. She sounded OK on the phone� Don�t worry, Orlando, I�ll talk to her. Just phone calls is right. That�s all we�re doing. OK. OK. Seriously, OK. I�ll talk to you later.� Kelly hung up the phone in her dorm room. Orlando and Kate were on a break. Kelly was flipping out. Once again, she was fighting a storm of mixed emotions, not knowing which one should win. Kate was on her way back to the dorm after spending the past week and a half touring Spain by herself. Kate and Kelly had talked a few times briefly, but Kate hadn�t talked directly about �the break.� Orlando, on the other, had called almost every day. The subject was discussed repeatedly. And he didn�t seem too distraught about it. Strange. Maybe everything is weird because it�s Leap Day. Stupid February 29, thought Kelly.
Just then, Kelly heard Kate�s key turning the lock to her room. Kate swung open the door, dropped her luggage, and pushed her sunglasses up on her head. �I�m home, Kel. I�m finally home.�
Kelly actually squealed as she hopped off the bed and ran to hug her roommate. It had been so long since the two of them had seen each other. More importantly, so much had happened, it would be impossible to pick a place to start the discussion.
�How are you, Kate?� Kelly asked, taking a good look at her friend.
�Well, I�ve been better, but I�ll be OK. Has he called?�
Kelly nodded. �He wants you to call as soon as you can.�
�OK, but I want to talk to you first.� Kate sat down on the bed.
�Sure Kate. I�m here for you.� And I�ll try to leave my personal feelings out of the conversation�
�All right. Does he call you a lot?�
�Orlando? Umm�� Kelly hesitated. �Yeah, he calls whenever he has some down time. Usually once a week.� Or twice, she thought. Really usually three times a week. Occasionally four or five� Kelly derailed that train of thought. �Why?�
�Well, I was just curious.� Now it was Kate�s turn to be lost in thought. After a moment she said, �Do you two ever talk about our relationship?�
�A little.� That�s a lie, Kelly. You talk about it more than �a little.�
�So he told you about our break, then?�
�Yeah. I�m so sorry, Kate. I know it must be really hard for you two�� Kelly trailed off. She didn�t actually know how hard it was. She couldn�t begin to conceive the complexities of a Hollywood life. But it seemed the right thing to say.
�It was pretty hard at first. I just plopped down in a Spanish hotel room and cried for a while. But now that I think about it, it�s not like we�ve broken up or anything. We�re just going through some turbulence now.� Kate smiled. �Look, I didn�t spend three months away from you to gather some sob stories. Let�s go do something.�
�OK. I�m glad you�re doing well, babe.� Kelly smiled and hugged Kate.
�Thanks.� Kate paused again. �Actually, would you mind if we talked about �the break� for a while? I need someone else�s perspective.�
�Absolutely. I�m all ears.�
Kate launched into a retelling of her argument with Orlando. Kelly listened patiently, and tried to stop her mind from thinking of him whenever Kate said his name. It was harder than she expected�
�And this is the part that just blew my mind,� Kate�s voice slowly drifted back into Kelly�s head. �Here I am, pouring my heart out to this man, asking him if he wants to keep the relationship going. I finally just couldn�t take it. I yelled, �Don�t say that you love me, just tell me that you want me!��
Kelly snickered, then threw her hand over her mouth. �I�m so sorry, Kate. Continue.�
�No, why did you laugh?�
�Well, it�s just that that�s a lyric from a Fleetwood Mac song called �Tusk.� I was just listening to it, and it popped into my head. But I�m good now, go on.�
�That�s unbelievable. Unbelievable,� Kate said. Kelly wasn�t quite sure what was so unbelievable, but she held her tongue. �Orlando did the exact same thing. I�m at the most important point of my argument and he just shouts �Tusk!� Like what am I supposed to say to that?� Kate looked at Kelly in a state of disbelief.
�Well,� Kelly said slowly. �I�m sure he didn�t mean to be rude. He was just trying to lighten the mood, probably. You know how he is.�
�I used to know how he is. Now, I�m not really sure. I mean, maybe this argument just proves we�re not supposed to be together.�
�Kate, what in the world would make you say that?� Kelly tried her hardest to not let her goosebumps be visible, but she was sure Kate saw her tense up.
�We just used to have so much in common. He said the first time he saw me was in Blue Crush and he was so enthralled that I was surfing. He said he knew as soon as I got on the surfboard that he had to meet me. But all that passion and urgency is gone. It�s completely gone.�
�Well sometimes relationships just lose their spark a little bit. I mean, you�ve been together for a pretty long time, you probably just need this time apart.�
�I just don�t know if the spark can be fully reignited. It just feels like he�s not serious about the relationship�like he wants all the benefits with none of the work. And I know that�s not really fair of me to say, especially since I know he�s tried very hard. Ugh. I just don�t know.�
�When did you start noticing a change?� Kelly felt like a psychologist. Oh well. What are friends for?
�Right after we left here in December. We didn�t even leave together, which was kind of the first sign I noticed.�
�Just a scheduling conflict, I�m sure,� Kelly offered.
�Yeah. He was really sweet to me on my birthday in January, but ever since then��
�Oh yeah! Happy 21st birthday, by the way! I forgot to call you. I felt like a dweeb.�
�Oh Kelly, you�re not a dweeb. Well, maybe a little dweebish�� Kate smiled. �Wait! What day is today? Is it the 29th? Because if it is, then it�s your 20-and-a-third birthday!�
Kelly�s face lit up. �You remembered! Yay! Yeah, I�m 20 and one-third today! Pretty exciting.�
�It�s so cute how you celebrate your �third� birthdays! I love it!�
�Yeah, well, normal people celebrate their half birthdays, and I�m not too normal, so I guess it fits. Plus, this day is extra special because it�s Leap Day! I only get to celebrate this third birthday every so often, you know?�
�Well then I guess that calls for celebration. Let�s go out. Forget this melancholy conversation. We�ve got a 20 1/3 year old who needs to party!�
�No no no. Let�s get back to the subject. I�m so sorry to have started this tangent. We don�t have to leave now, though I agree with the partying comment.�
�It�s really OK, Kel. I�m tired of thinking about it. Thanks for listening� But am I really that off base? Was my argument justified?�
�Absolutely. Girls are always right!� Kelly pronounced triumphantly.
�Damn right we are.�
�But seriously, I think you have a valid point. And I really think the time off will be good. It�ll jump start everything. After two weeks, you�ll be missing him like crazy.�
�I hope so. Because I don�t really miss him right now,� she snorted. �But that�s not important. Let�s go see a movie.�
�OK. I hear there�s a really good one out. Something about winning a date� There�s supposedly a really cute actress in it. Kate Osgood or Bosley or Bosworth� Something like that.� Kelly smiled.
�Yeah, I hear she�s garnering Oscar Buzz. Too bad the movie is tanking at the box office.� Kate sighed.
�Oh Kate, I�ve heard really good things about it!�
�No, no you haven�t. It�s been out four weeks and only made $16 million. It blows. But I�m OK with it.�
�You�ll rebound. The DVD sales will be through the roof.�
�Yeah, let�s hope. But we really don�t have to see it. I�ll just be critiquing my performance the whole time.�
�So will I, so it�ll be perfect!� Kelly joked. �We can tag team. I�ll take even minutes, you get odd. By the end of the movie, there�ll be no one left in the theater!�
�That�s the best plan I�ve heard in a long time. But I should probably disguise myself so they don�t see my Royal Suckiness in their theater.�
�Well that�s fine. I�m excellent at disguising celebrities!� Kelly stopped, realizing what she had just said. Kate didn�t know a thing about �Orjean� or her little tango lesson with Orlando.
Kate seemed to be confused. She cocked her head to the side and asked with a laugh, �What celebrities have you disguised?�
Kelly gulped. �Oh, you know, the usual. Julia Roberts, Mel Gibson. Oprah once, but she�s got a really recognizable face�� she said with a nervous laugh.
Kate still looked at Kelly quizzically, then giggled, much to Kelly�s relief. �Kel, you�re a goof. Do you ever wonder why they put us together as roommates? Is it just because we�re older freshmen, or do you think they knew we�d get along so well?�
�Well, you being such a big time movie star, they probably figured my 2-and-a-third more years than most freshmen would come in handy to keep you grounded. I possess so much wisdom, you know,� she said with a grandiose flip of her hair.
�Uh huh. Sure. �Wisdom.�� Kate said, making air quotes. �Well, regardless of the why, I�m glad.�
�Me too, Kate. And I�m glad you�re back. Now let�s get the hell out of here!�