Sean went all out on the house that he bought for us. Right on the beach just outside of Santa Monica. It was incredibly sweet of him to go so out of his way for me. I really didn’t know what to think. A part of me felt he was going a little too fast and another part of me welcomed it because I kept hoping he would make me forget. A part of me wanted him to succeed in wiping Orli from my mind. And another part of me didn’t. I felt like I was being torn in two and the worst part of it was, I couldn’t really show it to anyone. Sean deserved so much more from me and I just didn’t know if I would ever be capable of giving it to him. I did try though.

The house was a five bedroom – plenty of room for his daughters to visit – plus a gym, enormous kitchen which I loved, entertainment room, a study that opened out onto the back patio and beach and a wonderful Jacuzzi in the master bedroom. Okay, so that was one of the most enjoyable amenities, aside from the ocean right out my door. I spent every morning before work sitting on the beach as the sun rose behind me. I shouldn’t have done it, it was part of the reason I wished Sean hadn’t gone out of his way to please me and just gotten a place in Beverly Hills or something. I couldn’t look at the ocean anymore without thinking of Orli. I couldn’t spend time with the animals without thinking of the times he went to work with me, swimming with the sharks and the dolphins and feeding Pablo and sitting with me while Bucky was sick. The sea linked me to Orli and I was beginning to hate it as much as I loved it.

It had almost killed me to leave Orli that night at Sean and Christine’s house. He had seemed so desolate and ravaged over that girl’s death. I was glad Atti was with him at least. Although he seemed to be someone who loved to stir up trouble, it was easy to see how much he loved Orli, and he really needed that right now.

God I was getting to hate Trophy more and more. I swear if I ever met her in the street… How could she not see the pain Orli was in? How could she not care? And his drinking… I wanted so much to slap every glass out of his hand but I knew it wasn’t my place to do so. He’s a big boy. He can take care of himself. Right?

A few days after the dinner party, I got a call from Atti. I was a little surprised when Sean told me who it was, and a little scared. I mean, I didn’t want to pick up the phone to hear that something was wrong with Orli. I think Sean sensed that because he stood by my side when I took the call, silently offering support, in case it was something I didn’t want to hear.

“Hello?”

“Hey Torrie. It’s Atti.”

“Hey.”

“Look, I know its probably a little weird for me to be calling you and all… “

“A little… yeah.” I glanced at Sean. Luckily it didn’t sound serious so I gave him a smile. “What can I do for you?”

“Well, you know I was hoping to stay in town awhile for a play and all?”

“Yes. I remember you saying that.”

“Unfortunately, the director is a complete and total dick and there is no way in hell I would work with him if they paid me millions.”

“Sorry to hear that, Atti.”

“Yeah, well I got offered a movie back home and am flying out tomorrow. Don’t know how soon I’ll be able to be back…”

“Oh.” I waited, sensing that the man on the other end of the line was trying to choose his words carefully. Sean raised an eyebrow at me and I just shrugged, having no idea where this was going.

“Look, Torrie, I was wondering… Well, could you please look after OB for me?”

I blinked. “Look after Orli? I don’t understand.”

“You know he isn’t doing well. You saw him at the dinner party. Hell, you were the one he opened up to about the whole suicide thing. I just… for some fucked up reason he just won’t open up to me anymore. He’s drawing further and further into himself every day and I’m just a little scared for him.”

I worried my lower lip. This would complicate things for me, that was for sure. “Why me? I mean, certainly someone else – “

“Who? Julie? She’s one of the most brainless, uncaring bitches I have ever in my fucking life met!”

I smiled. That felt good.

“The truth is, unless I can convince OB to go home, which is something I think he needs, just to let his mum care for him awhile, you are all he has. Sure, there’s Lij but he’s busy with this new film and there seems to be a little bit of … well, tension between him and OB.”

“What about Viggo? And Dom is living here now. Maybe he – “

“Torrie,” Atti interrupted, sounding slightly perturbed. “I thought you were his goddamned friend. Guess I was wrong. Sorry to bother you – “

“No, wait! Atti, I didn’t mean… “ I sighed. “Of course I’m his friend. I… it’s just I have a life, too.”

Silence. Yeah, lame excuse, I know. Sounded bad to me, too.

“He needs you, Torrie,” Atti said softly. “He… “

“He what?”

“Nothing. I promised… never mind.” Another pause. “Look, just promise me you’ll check on him occasionally. Call to see how he’s doing. Stuff like that. I don’t mean be a babysitter, though he definitely seems to need one right now. I just mean let him know he’s not alone, stuff like that.”

He needed me. God I hated hearing that. “Okay, Atti. I promise.”

A sigh of relief. “Thanks, hon. I appreciate it.”

I hung up the phone and turned to find Sean watching me still, his eyebrow raised. “What’s up?”

“Atti is leaving town and wondered if I wouldn’t keep an eye on Orli.”

Sean nodded. “Sounds reasonable. The kid seems to need it.”

I smiled and Sean stood and gave me a quick kiss. One thing led to another and we spent the rest of the afternoon in our Jacuzzi. That thing was so cool.

I dreaded that first call to Orli. I don’t know why. The fear of becoming too attached again now that I had felt I was finally beginning to place some distance between my feelings for him and those for Sean. It would have been easier if Sean had been even somewhat pissy regarding this new task of mine given to me by Atti. But he approved of it completely, saying that he would drop by Orli’s occasionally as well and we could invite him and Trophy over and stuff for dinner. Wow, I totally didn’t have any desire to go quite that far. Again, if Trophy ever entered my house, I doubt I’d let her sans body bag. Sean laughed when I said that, as if I was joking. I wasn’t. It was kind of the same way I felt if I ever met Amanda’s parents. Anyone who had hurt Orli, intentionally or not, was on my black list lately. And it was fucked up that I was feeling so protective towards him, no matter how hard I tried to distance myself. Who knows? Maybe I was finally turning my love into something more sisterly or maternal or something and I was moving past the intense passion. Maybe I was finally moving forward. I could only hope.

The first time I called Orli, I just got his answering machine. I left a message, saying how I was just thinking about him and the conversation we had at the party and wanted to see how he was doing. I didn’t think he would call back. I kind of feared Trophy would hear the message first and erase it. Then, at about midnight, when I had just closed my eyes for sleep, the phone rang. It was on my side of the bed, so I rolled out of Sean’s embrace and grabbed it.

“Hello?”

A pause. “Torrie?”

“Orli.” I glanced at the clock, grimaced, and laid back against the pillow.

“S’it too late? I can call back – “

“No, honey. I wasn’t asleep yet. What’s up?”

“S’not much.” He sounded tired, listless. His words slightly slurred. It wasn’t my Orli. “’S glad when I heard ‘r message.”

I smiled. “I was afraid you might not get it.” I didn’t mention names.

“Yeah.” He seemed to agree. “You and Sean settled in?”

“Mmmhmm. You should come by and see it sometime. You’d like it. Right on the beach.”

“’S perfect for you. You must enjoy it.”

“How could I not?” Sean rolled over and threw his arm around my stomach and promptly fell asleep again. For some reason it felt wrong talking to Orli while laying beside Sean but what could I do? “So what has been going on?”

“Jus’ some script stuff.”

“Another movie? That’s good. Not going far away again, I hope.”

“No.” He was smoking. I could hear him through the line. There as a long silence where I was chewing on my lip and I kept hearing him take a drag and then release it. Finally, he said, “Torrie, I… “

Another long pause.

“What is it, honey?” I prompted.

“I want to apologize.”

I frowned. “For what?”

“Everything. Every goddamned thing I ever done to you. Every hurt I’ve caused – “

“Orli, stop,” I interrupted. “I don’t know what brought this on, but you have nothing to apologize for. Not a damn thing.”

“I never said… “

Another pause. “Never said what?”

“How much… “ He took another drag off his cigarette. “How much everything you have done for me has meant to me.”

Don’t cry. Don’t cry. “I haven’t done anything, Orli. You were the one who saved me, remember?”

“Maybe.”

“Orli – “

“Look, Julie just got in. I’ve gotta go. Take care, okay?”

“What’s Trophy doing just getting home?”

“Bye, angel.”

“Orli – “

He hung up. Damn him.

“What was that all about?” Sean mumbled next to my ear.

“Orli acting all freaky.” I slammed the phone onto the night stand and settled back against the pillow. I knew I wasn’t going to get an ounce of sleep that night.

“Think he’s okay?”

“I don’t know anymore. Trophy just got in so he’s not alone but… “ I sighed. I really wanted to be there. God help me, I wanted to be there.

“He’ll be okay, little girl.” Sean pulled me closer and kissed my temple. “He’s a smart kid, just a little off center at the moment. Can’t blame him. He’s had a lot dropped in his lap since Fellowship.”

“I know. But he isn’t taking it all the way he should. I just wish I knew what Trophy was putting into his head. I swear that woman – “

Sean was laughing.

“What?”

“Little girl, he could be with the most perfect female in the world and you wouldn’t think she was good enough for him.”

I was silent, hating that he was right. There was no woman good enough for Orli, in my opinion. No one who would give him the love he deserved. I didn’t know if anyone would be capable of that. Oh yeah, I had placed Orli on a pedestal. I knew that. And even though he often teetered toward the edge of it, he had yet to fall. I should have pushed him off of there long ago. It would have been the best for both of us, but I just couldn’t do it. When I thought of Orli, I thought of a bright, sweet, talented and beautiful man who grasped at life with a vibrancy that so many lacked in this world. He wasn’t perfect but to me he came awfully damn close. That was how I saw him anyway. And it wasn’t fair to him or to me and especially to Sean. How would he ever compare with that?

I tried calling Orli back twice more that week. Once more I got the machine and the second time I got Trophy. She didn’t seem pleased in the least that I was calling and asked me why I kept doing so. I told her because I was Orli’s friend and could call whenever the fuck I wanted. She hung up on me. I was so not pleased. I called back but of course she never picked up. I was tempted on going over there and punching the bitch in the face but I had a meeting at work to get to and once I came out of it, everything else had been forgotten.

Things at work became hectic and stressful. We were running out of grants and there were talks about shutting us down. Of course, none of us who worked there would take such a thing laying down. Day and night we discussed ways to bring more money in. Some talked about expanding the aquarium, which had always been smaller and geared toward education than to bringing in the general public. Unfortunately, that would take money. No idea put to the table was specifically feasible. Then, surprisingly, it was Sean who saved us.

I was at work, going through some of the latest grant proposals in the dolphin courtyard when Sean showed up, a man I’d never met before walking with him. I smiled as he approached and lifted my face for a kiss.

“Pleasant surprise to see you,” I told him.

“I’m full of surprises,” he replied with a whisper. “Torrie, I’d like you to meet Don Williamson. Don, this is Victoria Adams.” We shook hands and Sean turned back to me. “Don and I are old friends. He’s an exec over at the Discovery Channel.”

“Oh?” I blinked and glanced at Sean in question.

He smiled, this big bright smile that I was learning to adore. “We were having lunch a few days back and somehow the idea came up for a new show that would center around teaching the public about the creatures of the sea, with one specific host traveling the world, encountering new wonders each week and whatnot. Kind of the Crocodile Hunter on water or something. Don asked to meet you, to see if you would be interested in such a thing.”

I just stared at Sean, uncertain of what to say. Don spoke, pulling my attention to him.

“Of course, 30% of all profits made from the show would go to help fund the Center and the work you do here and there would be a message at the end of each show asking for donations and such. The show could also showcase an animal you are rehabilitating here each week. There is no end to what could be done! And you, of course, would be the host.”

I think I lost the power of speech. I wanted to scream and kiss Sean and kiss Don and run in and tell everyone all at the same time. Instead, I just stood there like a bump on a log. Sean was smiling at me, I think he knew I was stupefied.

“Well, Ms. Adams?” Don questioned. “What do you say?”

“I… er… “ Compose yourself! What kind of televisions show host will you make stuttering like an idiot?! “Yes! Of course! It sounds wonderful! I’m sorry, I’m just a little overwhelmed at the moment. Normally I am much more animated.”

“You better believe that,” Sean sighed.

I elbowed him.

“Great!” Don smiled and shook my hand again. “I’ll put the idea before the board, have some drafts written up, contracts and such and I’ll get back in touch with you.” He shook Sean’s hand. “Thanks, Sean, I appreciate. Talk to you both soon.”

I stood and watched Don until he disappeared through the doors then turned and launched myself into Sean’s arms with a screech.

That night it was all celebration over wine and an a cozy little meal for two. I still couldn’t believe that Sean had done such a thing for me and the Center. It made things that much more complicated for me. I felt like I owed him now, even though he insisted on telling me that was nonsense. He wouldn’t have just done that for anyone. I realize that much. So what next? Was this some sort of leap in our relationship? He called it a business transaction. I wasn’t so certain and I felt awful for thinking that way. I could have turned it down but I wouldn’t do that to the Center. When I told Scott the poor man almost broke down into tears. This was an opportunity that wasn’t offered daily to projects like ours.

The phone rang at about seven. I was just putting dishes away and wiped my hands on the dishtowel before grabbing the handheld. Sean had just come up behind me and started nibbling on my neck when I picked up and I was trying desperately not to giggle when it tickled.

“He – Hello?”

“Torrie?”

“Yeah – yes.”

“This is Atti.”

“Atti.” I frowned and glanced back at Sean who pulled back and stood there, watching me. “What is it?”

“Torrie, have you talked to Orli lately?”

“Not since early last week, no. Why?”

“He’s not answering his cell. Hasn’t all day.”

“Atti, I don’t see why – “

“Julie left him two days ago.”

It was so hard not to give a shout of joy.

“He wasn’t taking it well when I talked to him yesterday. Kept talking about how everyone leaves him and why did I hang around as his friend and shit like that. I told him to stop thinking that way and calm down and try to get some rest and that I would call back today but now he isn’t answering. Torrie, could you go over and check on him?”

“Of course, Atti. I’ll leave right now. What’s your number so I can call you?”

Sean grabbed a pad and pen out of the drawer and handed them to me, leaning against the counter as I wrote down Atti’s information. I assured Atti again that I was on my way over to Orli’s house and that I would call him once I knew everything was all right. My heart was pounding though outwardly I remained calm. Atti was in a panic. And that couldn’t be good.

“What is it?” Sean asked as I hung up to the phone.

“It’s Orli.” I was already out of the kitchen, grabbing my coat and keys. “Atti says that Trophy left him and he wasn’t taking it well. He wants me to check on him.”

“I’ll come with,” Sean replied, following me to the door. I didn’t argue.

When we arrived at Orli’s house it was dark but his car was parked out front. I was out the door before Sean had parked. He reached me by the time I had already bruised my knuckles knocking on the door so hard. I called out Orli’s name but there was nothing. I glanced at Sean in a panic.

“Stay here,” he said and disappeared. I went back to pounding on the door.

Three minutes later it opened and Sean was standing there. “Back door”, he explained as I pushed past him. The place was a mess. Empty bottles of beer, scotch, vodka, cigarette packs, some furniture tossed around, dirty plates. My nails were biting into my palms as I clenched them.

“Orli?” I called out. “Orli, its Torrie. Honey, are you home?”

Nothing.

“Check upstairs,” Sean suggested. “I’ll search the rest of the place.”

I nodded and hurried up the steps. I went through the two guest rooms, finding nothing and then into the master bedroom. Still nothing. I was about to head back downstairs when I noticed the light on in the bathroom. I called out Orli’s name again, moving hesitantly toward the door. For some reason, I was terrified of what I would find on the other side. One could blame it on premonition or the fact that ever since we had first met, there was some sort of weird connection between me and Orli. From the moment Atti had called, I knew something as wrong. Steeling myself, I stepped around the corner.

“Oh God, Orli!”

My legs almost gave out on me there but somehow I made it forward to the tub where Orli was laying, his head resting on the edge, one hand hanging to the floor, an empty bottle of scotch clenched in it. His skin was pale, almost blue. For a moment I thought he was dead. I reached out and touched his cheek, which was frighteningly cold beneath my fingers.

“Orli?” I whispered, tears blurring my vision.

His eyes fluttered open and he stared at me.

“Oh God, baby,” I cried. “What have you done? Sean!” I hollered. “Sean!”

Orli didn’t move, just continued to watch me. I reached into the water to get my arm around him and shrieked at the cold water. Fuck. How long had he been in there? I heard Sean come up behind me and let loose a string of curses.

“It’s freezing,” I told him, not removing my gaze from Orli’s. “He’s so cold, Sean. He won’t respond to me. He – “ I was babbling and shaking and I kept pulling at his arm, trying to get him to stand up.

“Easy, little girl,” Sean said softly, pulling me back. “Go find some blankets.”

“But – “

“Now!” He demanded and I did.

I ran into the bedroom and ripped the comforter off of the bed. I heard the slosh of water from the tub and turned to see Sean emerge from the bathroom carrying Orli in his arms. He moved over to the bed with him and laid him on the comforter. I quickly wrapped it around him. Orli remained unmoving throughout all of it, speaking not a word, his gaze barely registering that he knew we were there. Sean assured me that he saw no sign of hypothermia but I still couldn’t still the panic raging inside of me. I climbed onto the bed beside Orli and pulled him against me and tried to get him to talk to me but there was still nothing. I knew I was crying and I didn’t care. At the moment, I didn’t care what Sean thought at all. All I knew is that I could have lost this beautiful creature beside me and I had never known until then what that would truly mean. It hurt beyond imagination.

“Try warming him up,” Sean suggested. “I’ll go make some coffee, see if we can’t get some of that alcohol out of his system and get his blood pumping again. Although I will say if he wasn’t so tanked, he’d probably be dead. The alcohol saved him, as strange as that may seem.” I stayed where I was, holding Orli against me. Sean frowned. “Torrie, are you listening to me?”

“Why would he do this?” I whispered.

“Torrie!”

My head snapped around to face him at his shout.

“Orlando needs you to be strong right now,” Sean told me. “Now start trying to warm his limbs up or we’re going to be taking him to the emergency room and then it will be all over the press about his suicide attempt.”

“Orli wouldn’t attempt – “

“No.” Sean nodded. “I don’t think he meant that. I don’t believe he was thinking right. But the press will jump on whatever they can. Now, can I trust you to help him while I go to the kitchen?”

I nodded. Sean turned and exited the room while I slid off the bed and took one of Orli’s feet into my hand and began to rub it vigorously. He was so goddamned cold and clammy to the touch. I moved from one to the other, up to his ankles and then his calves, all the while talking softly to him about inane everyday things like the weather and work and what I’d had for dinner and just stupid shit, trying to let him know I was there. By the time Sean returned with coffee, Orli was beginning to shake, the feeling obviously returning to him. Sean handed me the cup and I climbed back up beside him, trying to get him to drink it while Sean took my place rubbing his legs and arms. Surprisingly, Orli accepted the cup, drinking the coffee slowly, though his teeth were chattering and the mug would occasionally glance off of them. I ran my fingers through his hair, still whispering while he drank, glancing every so often at Sean who was watching Orli worriedly.

“Let’s take him home with us,” Sean said finally. “We’ll make him comfortable in one of the guest rooms and we can keep an eye on him the next few days.”

I was so relieved when Sean suggested it. I wasn’t about to leave Orli’s side. Sean found some clothes and gently dressed him, then wrapped him in the blanket once more and lifted him back into his arms. I stuffed some extra clothes for Orli into a bag and followed Sean out the door and to the car. Sean placed him in the backseat and I crawled in beside him, wrapping my arms around him and laying his head against my shoulder. The drive back to our place was silent and terrifying.

Sean carried him into the guestroom and I pulled back the covers, watching like a mother hen as he laid Orli gently against the mattress. We stripped him down to his boxers and then piled more blankets over the top of him. I stood there, watching, wishing he would say something, that he didn’t look so helpless and pale against the sheets. I barely noticed when Sean came up beside me and pulled my coat off.

“Go on, little girl,” he said softly. I looked up at him, not understanding. He nodded toward Orli. “He needs you with him right now. Let him know you’re here.”

I had told Sean before how Orli and I used to hold each other when we were upset or lonely. He had thought it extremely sweet but I was surprised that he was suggesting it now, especially when he had once sworn to make me forget Orli. I hesitated only momentarily before kicking off my shoes and climbing between the sheets, pulling Orli against me. Sean told me he would call Atti then left us alone, closing the door partly behind him.

Orli was shaking against me. I held him as tightly as I could, wrapping my legs around him, kissing his forehead, threading my fingers through his hair. His skin was slowly warming, the bluish tint now pale. I couldn’t stop my tears. I had never been so frightened in my life. I tried to calm myself though, for Orli’s sake. Sean had been right. He needed me right now and I was determined to let him now that I was there. Knowing how much it calmed me when he did it, I began singing to him, whispering the words really to “These Arms of Mine”:

“But ain’t it funny

how the fates work

I feel cheated by the turn

Still this love it hovers over us

And the lessons that we’ve learned

Patience my love it’ll be alright”

I paused a moment when I realized he was crying, silently, his tears wetting my shoulder. His hand was clutching at mine, hard, and I held to him just as tight.

“Hold on to me, it’ll be all right

Sleep now is descending

Like a dream

Still I’m shaking from the

softness of your skin

Hold on to me, it’ll be all right”

He whispered something. I stopped. “What did you say, baby?”

“Why does everyone leave me?” Orli cried and then began sobbing in earnest, each tear wrenching at my heart as he clung to me, his face buried against my neck, his arms snaking around my waist. He trembled and I cried, and continued to hold him until he fell into an exhausted sleep.

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