Julie moved in with me because I couldn’t handle the silence that greeted me whenever I came home. I had gotten used to feminine laughter and perfume and home cooked meals and someone to run to the store and buy medicine and send me to bed when I was sick. Only Julie’s laugh wasn’t the same and her perfume was really strong and she couldn’t boil water and never seemed to notice when I did get sick. And Traci was there constantly and they would chatter for hours back and forth and then Traci would turn and ask me if I could set her up with one of my actor friends and I would just end up leaving, disgusted with her and Julie and myself. At night, Julie was warm and inviting in bed and she seemed to keep track of my schedule very well, telling me when and where I needed to be for appointments and she didn’t mind when I had to suddenly fly off some where. She didn’t even seem to mind my fans, who eventually discovered where I lived and we were forced to move elsewhere. I broke down and bought a house and let Julie decorate it because she was really excited to do so. Once when Elijah was over he said it looked like a hotel in Vegas. Julie had just laughed. Thankfully she didn’t catch the insult.

The pain I felt at Torrie’s abandonment – and that’s just what she did, fucking abandoned me – quickly turned to anger and resentment. It was her goddamned fault that we ended up having sex and yet for some reason I was the one made to pay for it. Turned out she was a typical female after all. They all tease mercilessly until you’re fucking begging and then they spread ‘em wide and the next thing you know, you’re paying for it. I woke up every morning and told myself I hated her and then I spent every day wishing she was there and at night I would reiterate to myself that I hated her and then I would dream about her. We would always be at the beach and she would be telling me how sorry she was for walking out on me like that and that she would come back and me and her and Julie would live together. Well hell, I did say it was a dream.

She called a few times that first week after she had collected the rest of her things but I never picked up and I never called back. Guess I thought I was making her pay. I wanted her to think I wasn’t giving her another thought, that I was just out partying and having fun the way that only Orlando Bloom can. One night when Julie was off on a shoot and Elijah and I were hitting the clubs, he asked me what the fuck I thought I was doing. I told him it wasn’t any of his business and it hurt to realize that Torrie was obviously talking to him. I wondered if she had told him what happened between us and I didn’t have the guts to ask him. I wasn’t in the mood to trade notes about our separate sexual encounters with her. I wanted to erase every last memory of that night Torrie and I spent together and it was fucking impossible to do. I got rid of the dining table and my bed. When Julie questioned me about it I just said it was time for some new furniture.

The only thing I did hold onto were my Tea Party CD’s and the copy of Torrie’s favorite book that I had hidden when she had come to pick up her stuff. I don’t know why I had done so. But I became curious and read the damn thing and it was the biggest load of crap I have ever wasted time over. How do women read these things? This was all about some Knight and Lady who were friends since childhood and when they were older they were told they had been betrothed to each other, which their families thought they would be pleased to hear but because of some sort of stupid pride or something between them, they got all pissy when they heard the news of their betrothal. So they stopped being friends and kept trying to make each other mad and jealous even though the whole time they were actually in love with each other. Puhleeze! Then at the end, the Lady almost died and when the Knight was all broken up about it, his apprentice told him that she had always been in love with him and couldn’t he see it and then the Knight realized he loved her too. So he road up to her on his white stallion -- of course – outside the Queen’s residence and told her he loved her and would she ride away to his castle with him, or something stupid like that. And she did and they lived happily ever after. Stupidest thing I have ever heard of. I’ve read the thing four times and still don’t see why Torrie was so crazy about it.

So I had successfully gone more than a month without seeing her. Everyday, when it should have been easier, it got harder. I wanted to pick up the phone and call her, meet for lunch, have her go clubbing with me and Elijah. Anything. I wanted to hear her voice and I wanted to know she was all right and more than anything in the world I wanted to know she missed me as much as I missed her. And I resented her greatly for making me want that so much.

When the premiere in Birmingham for The Two Towers occurred, I wasn’t prepared to see her again. I wasn’t prepared to see her walking into the theatre, holding hands with Sean, smiling up at something he said. It physically hurt. I reached out for Julie’s hand and grabbed it and squeezed, hoping for some support but she tugged away, flashing me a quelling look before returning to her conversation with Mark Ordesky. And I was standing there alone, watching Torrie and Sean as they stopped beside Peter, and Sean was introducing her and I knew I should have been the one doing that and not Sean who was wrapping his arm around her waist and saying something that made her blush and Peter laugh. Fuck.

And then they were walking toward me and I saw Torrie hesitate and say something to Sean and he just gave her a strange expression and I realized that she didn’t want to speak to me and that hurt worse than anything I could have imagined. I didn’t for a moment consider that I had caused it, that my refusal to answer her calls or return them or even call her myself would have made her hesitant to speak to me. She, after all, was the one at fault here. Not me.

“Hey Orli,” Sean greeted, giving me a hug. I stared at her over his shoulder and she looked away.

“Hey Sean.” I smiled, a bit surprised that I could do so. Here, I’d show her that I could be an adult about all of this. “Hello, Torrie.”

She gazed at me with those green eyes for a moment and I felt like complete and total shit. Bitch. “Hello, Orli. How are you?”

“Great!” I smiled again, gritting my teeth. “Couldn’t be better. You?”

Torrie shrugged. “Okay I guess.”

Dammit, did she always have to be so fucking honest? Couldn’t she have lied and said her life was perfect and I could have hated her more? I felt Julie move up beside me and Torrie’s eyes flickered over toward her.

“Nice to you again, Julie.”

“You too, Torrie. It’s been a long time. The four of us should really get together sometime.”

Note to self: Tell Julie to leave the social engagements to me.

“Sounds good to me!” Sean agreed.

Torrie and I refrained from saying anything. I grabbed a glass of wine off a tray that went by and swallowed it down. Julie started saying something to Sean about how much she enjoyed Equilibrium and they began talking while Torrie and I were left standing there. She looked everywhere but me and I found myself enjoying the discomfort I was causing her by looking no where but at her. I caught her gaze scanning the room and told her:

“Lij isn’t here yet.”

“Oh.”

Some reporter bumped into her, pushing her closer to me, filling my senses with the smell of coconut. I hated that fucking smell. I set the empty wine glass on another passing tray and grabbed two more, lifting one toward her.

“Wine?”

“Um… Thank you.”

“No problem.” I watched as she took a sip, her full lips hovering over the rim of the glass, then I commented, “Too bad they aren’t serving champagne. You and I and Sean could’ve had some fun later tonight.”

Torrie jerked as if I’d slapped her. I don’t know what made me say that. Sometimes I do things for which I have no explanation. She was gripping the stem of her wine glass so hard I thought it would snap and then she just turned and walked away without another word. I glanced over at Sean and Julie, who hadn’t seemed to notice what was going on, then I turned and followed her through the crowd. She disappeared down a hallway, away from the gathering, and I hurried after her, not really knowing why or what I planned to do when I got there.

Torrie had set the glass on a nearby clapboard and was leaning against the wall, her eyes closed, when I approached.

“What do you want, Orli?”

Damn her. She always knew when I was near.

“Just wondering why you left the party so suddenly?”

She opened her eyes and focused her gaze on me. I don’t think I had ever seen her so angry with me before. “What happened to being friends?” She asked.

I frowned. “You’re the one who walked out on our friendship, Torrie. Not me.”

“Fuck, Orli!” She came away from the wall, approached me. “Are you really going to continue to be such a big fucking baby just because I moved out? Left you on your own with no one to do your goddamned laundry and cook your meals and clean your house and wipe your goddamned ass for you!”

I raised my eyebrow. I loved it when she was angry. “I don’t think you ever did that last bit. But you’re welcome to move in and start.”

“You are such a fucking prick,” she whispered under her breath.

“I don’t remember you complaining on Halloween.”

Torrie reached out to slap me but I was actually anticipating it and caught her wrist in my hand and held her there, actually pulled her closer. She struggled, tried to free herself.

“Let me go!” She demanded.

“No.”

And then I pushed her back up against the wall and covered her mouth with my own and lost myself in the remembered taste and feel of her. It took me a moment to realize she was cold and unyielding beneath my touch and I found that I was longing for her warmth and sweetness and I gentled the kiss, my thumbs caressing the soft skin of her wrists as I held them.

“Please, angel,” I whispered against her lips. “I need you so bad. Please. You’re so sweet… so sweet… “

And her mouth opened beneath mine and I claimed her with my tongue, once more drinking that incredible nectar that had been nothing but a memory to me. I let go of her wrists, my hands skimming over her waist, her breasts, teasing her nipples through the fabric. I ground my hips against her, showing her how badly I wanted her. I was becoming used to this ache, this need that I realized I felt whenever Torrie was near. I was obsessed. She was my possession. She was always supposed to be there for me and dammit if I wasn’t going to make her realize that.

“God, I want you,” I told her just before sucking on her lower lip. “We can sneak over to my hotel room during the movie… no one will know we’re gone… “

She was shaking her head again, and her hands came up between us and she was trying to push me away. I refused to budge. She wasn’t going to tell me no. Not now.

“Orli! What the hell?”

Elijah grabbed me and pulled me back and Torrie darted away from the wall, out of my reach, behind him, staring at me with those eyes, accusing. Like she hated me for making her want me or something. Oh yeah, I knew I could have made her cave, had Elijah not shown up and broken us apart. But now she was getting all self-righteous on me again. Friends. Ha! As if we could ever go back.

“What the fuck?” Elijah looked at both of us, frowning. He glanced back at Torrie, took her hand in his. “You okay?”

That pissed me off. She nodded to his question but didn’t take her eyes off of me. I folded my arms across my chest, trying to look calmer than I felt. I’d most likely have to go jack off in the bathroom before returning to the lobby. Damn her.

“C’mon,” Elijah was saying to her, trying to pull her back toward the gathering. “Let’s go grab something to eat.”

Still she watched me. Her eyes were wide and questioning. Softly, she asked me, “What am I to you?”

I was silent.

Again, “What am I to you?”

Over her shoulder I saw Sean come around the corner, moving toward us. Elijah holding her hand, Sean coming to claim her. I sneered. “The Fellowship whore.”

Pain. Exquisite, glorious pain flashing across her features. How did it feel?

“Fuck, Orli.” Elijah whispered beside her, pulling her back, toward Sean, who finally reached us, the silence mounting and confusion clouding his face.

I kept my gaze on Torrie who seemed to shrink before my very eyes. I spent about 2.5 seconds enjoying that moment before I started hating myself. She reached out blindly for Sean, who took hold of her shoulders, asked her what was wrong. Torrie was shaking her head, denying that there was any problem and could he please just take her outside as she needed some air.

And then they were gone and I was left with Elijah staring at me, furious. It’s those eyes, you know. He can use them to their greatest effect. Currently they were silently telling me all of the horrible things about myself that I secretly already knew.

“You are the most clueless fucking bastard I’ve ever met, you know that, Orli?” He asked quietly.

“What’s it to you?” I snapped, trying to move past him.

He grabbed me by the arm, stopping me. “You ever hurt her like that again and so help me God, Orli, I will tell Julie every little sordid detail about what happened between you and Torrie.”

My jaw clenched. “She told you about that, did she?”

Elijah blinked as if realizing maybe he shouldn’t have said that. Then he finally seemed to give into it and shrugged. “Yeah. And she said it was the biggest fucking mistake she had ever made. Now I know why.”

That hurt. Oh God did it hurt. I winced. The pain just washed over me wave after wave with the knowledge that Torrie considered having sex with me her biggest mistake of her life. She regretted it then, when she had told me she never would. Now I knew why she had struggled against my touch just then. Now I knew she wanted nothing to do with me. It was all over. And I had just effectively destroyed any chance of saving our friendship.

The rest of the premiere was little more than a haze for me. Julie clutched onto me the moment I returned to her and I let her. She was babbling something about Barry saying they might have an upcoming role for her in some movie New Line was negotiating but I barely heard her. The few times I saw Torrie she was close at Sean’s side and she never looked my way. I caught him watching me occasionally though. I doubt he knew what had happened but he was obviously curious. I didn’t know what I would say if he approached me about it. Elijah refrained from speaking with me as well. Everyone seemed to feel it, furtive glances cast all around the cast. Billy and Dom came up and chatted with me briefly before returning to Elijah’s side. I found myself hating Hobbits. Viggo stayed by my side; maybe he noticed I needed the support. I never would have asked for it. I couldn’t.

Luckily the movie started and we were all descended into darkness. I barely paid any attention but the audience seemed to enjoy it. Julie kept squeezing my arm and telling me how wonderful I was and that my fans would go even crazier for me once they saw it. And then it was over and there were applause and hand shakes and everyone in the cast was hugging each other, except me and Elijah. And I didn’t like that because I was scared I had lost him too and I really needed him at that moment. After all, he was my only link to Torrie.

The evening was further blighted with a thunderstorm that had snuck in while we were in the theatre. Outside the doors, the rain was pounding against the street and everyone huddle inside, watching it, realizing that no one had thought to bring an umbrella or rain coat.

Laughter. I glanced up at the sound and saw that it was Torrie. She was at the opposite end of the doors, standing with Sean and Billy and Dom and they were all laughing and teasing about something. I can’t describe how happy it made me suddenly to know that she could still laugh, that my cruel words had not completely crushed her. I wanted to take them back. I wanted her to know I hadn’t meant it. I wanted to hold her again and have her tell me everything was going to be okay and that someday we would swim with the sharks together again and go fishing on her uncle’s boat. But I knew these were simply hopeless desires that would never again be known between the two of us.

Torrie suddenly pushed the door opened and ran out into the rain, laughing up into it as it cascaded over her, and she turned and teased Sean, coaxing him to join her, yelling out as to how a little rain wasn’t going to melt him. He took a hesitant step out and then she grabbed his hand and pulled him fully into it and he joined in her laughter and they started dancing. Right there, in the rain, in front of the crowd that watched and pointed and laughed with them. Cameras flashed and I knew that the next morning there would be pictures of the two of them all over the papers, “Bean and His Babe” or something equally silly would be the headlines. And I bit my lip until I tasted blood, trying not to cry out that it was unfair, that not long ago it would have been me that she pulled out there and they looked so happy and carefree and Julie was standing beside me commenting that Torrie had just completely destroyed that dress she was wearing. And I wanted to slap her because she couldn’t see what was really going on. She couldn’t see that Torrie had just made it blatantly obvious to me that what I said and felt didn’t matter, that she was free of me. That her life was fine the way it was and she didn’t need me.

She didn’t fucking need me.

And then Torrie was hugging Sean and our eyes met over his shoulder, through the rain, across what seemed like miles between us and she watched me for a long moment and leaned toward Sean’s ear and I saw her mouth whisper the words I love you, Sean.

My world crumbled.

“You okay?” Elijah was beside me. I don’t know when he got there.

I could only nod in reply, my eyes never wavering from the scene before me. I felt his hand on my shoulder, a gentle squeeze. Maybe he knew what I was feeling right then. Maybe he could see that I was only holding on by a thread. Maybe he had known all along.

I was in love with Torrie.

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