Pati Kalbo pala
Si Alma ay seloso at palaging tsine - check ang
kanyang babaerong mister tuwing uuwing galing ng opisina.
Isang araw galing sa klub si Joey...
Alma : Ano ka ba naman tingnan mo itong polo mo may
buhok na kulay blonde,
Siguro Americana ang ka-table mo ano.. Hudas!!!
Joey : Hindi kumain lang ako ng mais at nadikit yung
buhok (palusot lang)
Kinabukasan....
Alma : Ano ba naman kahapon blonde ngayon kulot naman...
walanghiya ka talaga..
Joey : (palusot uli) hindi nadikit lang nanghiram
lang ako ng suklay sa kumare mong kulot sa opisina
kanina. (lusot ulit)
Kinabukasan talagang sobrang pagiingat ang ginawa
ni lalaki upang hindi na mabisto, pinagpag muna niya
ang damit bago umuwi...
Alma: Walanghiya ka talaga pati kalbo pinapatulan
mo na ngayon!!
Hiwalay daw
Husband: "Parati na lang tayo away! Maghiwalay
na lang tayo!"
Wife:
"Sige, maghati tayo ng mga anak!"
Husband:
"Akin ang mga guwapo at maganda!"
Wife:
"Sus! Pinili pa yung hindi kanya!"
Letter "S"
Anak : Tays ! kakains nas tayos !
Tatay :
Hoy ! Tigilan mo yang kalalagay mo ng 'S' sa mga sinasabi
mo ha ! Ano
ba ang ulam ?
Anak :
BANGU na may KAMATI, ARDINA na may IBUYA !
Ngongo
Pumasok ang isang customer na ngongo
sa restaurant at agad syang pinagsilbihan ng isang waiter.
"Sih" wika ng waiter ano ho ngang
ngusto nyo?
Tuwa si customer at ngongo rin ang waiter.
Mueno migyan mo ako ng ansit ngisado
na may mamoy at migyan mo rin ako ng tumig.
Okey..handali lang ho sabi ng waiter.
May dumating na ibang cliente at agad din pinagsilbihan
ng waiter.
Magandang tanghali po sabi ng waiter
sa cliente...ano ho ba ang order nila..Sandali lang
sabi ng cliente...
Naririnig ng ngongo ang sabi ng waiter
at hindi pala siya ngongo at ginagaya lang siya..galit
na galit sya at agad nyang tinawag ang waiter...
Sabi nya,
Makit mo ako mloloko at nginangaya...
sagot ng waiter...ngango mpala ngayo eh sila
ang nginangaya ko
Langaw
Isang mama ang nag-order ng soup sa restaurant. Pagtingin
niya, 2 peso na lang ang barya sa kanyang bulsa.
CSTOMR: Waiter, pa-order nga ng chicken soup good
for 2 pesos...
WAITR: Sir, eto na po..
Habang kumakain ang mama, may nakita siyang langaw.
CSTOMR: Waiter, bakit ba may langaw itong soup ko?
WAITR: Anong ini-expect mo sa dalawang peso, MANOK?
Clean Glass
Waiter: "Tea or coffee, gentlemen?"
1st customer: "I'll have tea."
2nd customer: "Me, too - and be sure the glass
is clean!"
(Waiter exits, returns)
Waiter: "Two teas. Which one asked for the clean
glass?"
Your thumbs in my soup
Diner: Watch out! Your thumbs in my soup!
Waiter: Don't worry, Sir, it's not that hot!
Maling Akala
Last week, I left Manila with a couple of friends
heading toward Punta Fuego, in Batangas, when I decided
to stop at a comfort station in a relatively new Gas
station in Tagaytay.
Being a new gas station, this place would have a
clean bano and clean facility to take a good crap :
) The first stall was occupied (my theory was correct)
so I went into the second one.
Just when I was seated and poised to emit a very
"silent" fart, I heard a voice from the next
toilet:
"Hi, how are you doing?"
Putek!!! I thought in my mind. I am certainly not
the type to chat with strangers in highway comfort rooms
or any comfort room for that matter.
Normally, I would keep as dead silent as possible
in a situation like this so no one would think I was
there. What was I to do? run? keep quiet? so many questions
in my mind.
I really don't know quite what possessed me, but
anyway, I answered, a little embarrassed:
"OK LANG, pare!"
And the stranger said: "Whats up with you?"
Talk about your unnervingly dumb questions! WHO THE
HELL IS THIS GUY?
(In my mind) I was really beginning to think this
was just TOO WEIRD! So I said:
"WELL, JUST LIKE YOU I'M MAKING TAE"
Then, I heard the person, all upset, say, "Look,
I'll call you back, there's some idiot in the next toilet
answering all the questions I am asking you."
Malilimutanin
May isang taong gigil ng tumae kaya nakita niya ang
mlaking damuhan doon cya sumusuot hinubad na niya ang
kanyang pantalon na may laman pera at sinabit sa may
sangahan nang umupo na cya at tumae nagiisip cya na
sana makakita cya ng pera pangastos at mayamayay nakita
nya ang pantalon nakasabit sa may sanga at kinuha nya
ito at napuna nya na may lamang pera at kinuha nya ito
at nagisip....(sabi nya)sino kayang pera ito naiwan
lang dito ah! at umatras sya nang maapakan nya ang kanyang
dumi....(sabi nya)langhiya!cno kayang dumi ito napakahayop
naman ang gumawa nito mabukulan sana ang puwet!
Kumain ka ng...
Sa Hospital...
Gorio: Doc, may problema po ako
Doktor: Ano yun?
Gorio: Kasi nung isang araw, kumain ako ng spaghetti.
Pagdumi ko, spaghetti rin ang lumabas. Tapos kahapon,
kumain ako ng macarony. Pagdumi ko. macarony din ang
lumabas. Anong gagawin ko doc para maibalik ito sa dati?
Doktor: Eh di kumain ka rin ng tae para pag labas
eh tae din ang lalabas.
Nakatipid
Takbong pumasok ng bahay si Mario.
Pagud na pagod, pero masayang-masaya.
Nagmamayabang pa sa ina.
"Nanay! Nanay! Nakatipid ako ng uno singkwenta."
"Nakatipid? Paano?" tanong ng nanay.
"Aba'y 'di ako sumakay ng dyip.
Sumabay lang ako ng takbo.
Kaya't nakatipid ako ng one-fifty!"
"Bobo ka pala, eh. Kung taxi ang sinabayan mo,
'Di mas malaki ang natipid mo!"
May Trabaho
Nagkita ang magkumpadre na matagal
na ring di nagkikita:
"Pare saan ka nag - tra- trabaho ngayon?"
"IBM, Pare", ang sagot."
"IBM eh, wala ka namang computer background
ah?"
"Istambay Buong Maghapon."
"Eh ikaw Pare anong trabaho mo ngayon?"
"Chemist, Pare"
"Chemist, paanong nangyari 'yon eh, di ka naman
nag-college?"
"Ke Misis umaasa, Pare."
Tsimay Story
SENORITA: Inday, magluto ka ng marami mamaya.
Dadating ang mga amiga ko.
INDAY : Yes mam! Ano'ng klase ng luto ang gusto n'yo,
Yung babalik pa sila uli o hindi na!
Frank
Kahit hirap mag-englis, panay pa rin ang ligaw ni
Alfredo sa isang Amerikana:
KANA: I like men who are frank.
ALFREDO: My name is Alfredo, not frank.
You Know Your Living In the 21st Century When:
1. You accidentally enter your password on the microwave.
2. You haven't played solitaire with real cards in
years.
3. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your
family of 3.
4. You e-mail the person who works at the desk next
to you.
5. Your reason for not staying in touch with friends
is that they
don't have e-mail addresses.
6. When you go home after a long day at work you
still answer the
phone in a business manner.
7. When you make phone calls from home, you accidentally
dial "9"
to get an outside line.
8. You've sat at the same desk for four years and
worked for three
different companies.
10. You learn about your redundancy on the 11 o'clock
news.
11. Your boss doesn't have the ability to do your
job.
12. Contractors outnumber permanent staff and are
more likely to
get long-service
awards.
AND..............
13. You read this entire list, and kept nodding and
smiling.
14. As you read this list, you think about forwarding
it to your
"friends."
15. You got this email from a friend that never talks
to you
anymore, except to
send you jokes from the net.
16. You are too busy to notice there was no #9
17. You actually scrolled back up to check that there
wasn't a #9
AND NOW U R LAUGHING
at yourself.
Pinoy Marriage = Man's life cycle...
> 3 to 8 years old - Paramihan ng toys
> 9 to 18 years old - Pataasan ng grades.
> 19 to 25 - Padamihan ng siyota
> 26 to 35 - Pagandahan ng asawa.
> 36 to 45 - Palakihan ng income.
> 46 to 55 - Padamihan ng kabit.
Theme song of married couples...
> 1 to 10 years - Araw-araw gabi-gabi
> 11 to 25 years - Saan ka man naroon
> 26 to 49 years - Gaano kadalas ang Minsan
> 50 years and up - Maalaala mo kaya
> Ano sa Tagalog ang asawa? ("May bahay")
> Ano naman ang kabit? ("May condo")
Elevator
FVR: Sorry I'm late! brownout! na stuck sa elevator
for 1 hr
ERAP: Wala yan ako 3 hrs sa escalator
Six or Eight
> Erap calls into a take-out pizza parlor.
> Pizza man: Would you like your pizza sliced
into six
> or eight? Erap:
> Six, I don't think I could eat eight.
Science Class
> In a science class...
> Classmate : Bakit yung airplane pag umiikot
ang elisi, uma-angat sa lupa?
> Bakit yung bentilador kahit umiikot, nasa mesa
pa din?
> Erap : Tanga ka pala eh! Kasi yung bentilador
may kurdon, pinipigilan yon!!
Add your favorite jokes here.
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