AGE? 16 clumsy and shy and all that
SEX? i wear a german army jacket
LOCATION? Mt Eden, home of the borgois arts
WHY ARE THERE ALWAYS SEAGULLS AT GRANVILLE BUS DEPOT? because they are KGB spies sent to make sure the buses never show up on time, well that is why there are seagulls on top of the Albert Park fountain at least and there is bound to be some sort of conspiracy going on with all these seagulls
PICK THE MISSING WORD: THE MAJESTY OF ROCK THE ______________ OF ROLL? kebab
WHICH IS BETTER LOBSTERS OR PHONEBOXES AND WHY? You can buy glasses for your lobster and also eat it but not if it's made of terry towelling. But you can not hide inside a lobster when it's raining, unless it's a really big lobster, and inside the lobster there will not be smelly phone books or a Languages button, no matter how big the lobster is, but lobsters are red so i say lobsters. Also Telecom does not own lobsters as far as i know. So the answer is obviously lobsters.
IF YOU WERE A LESBIAN POET IN LOVE WHAT KIND OF POEM WOULD YOU WRITE? well der i AM a lesbian poet in love and this is my haiku of the day:
oh floppy haired boys
stop it right now or i will
lick you all to death
actually that wasn't very lesbian or poetic or lovely but hey.
HOW MANY WEETBIX DO YOU HAVE TO EAT TO BE A MASTER OF RUGBY? George Gregan could do 27 and Christian Cullen could only do 8 and neither of them are Digimon masters but really weetbix are gross so you don't have to eat any. last weekend i was so bored i decided each Super 12 team was secretly one of my internet stalking victims and fergus is the waratahs so you will have to ask her.
WHAT ARE THE THREE BEST THINGS IN THE WORLD? food music and the internet i think. but that sounds boring. i could say bondage germans and mixtapes but hey, you have to start from the basic essentials don't you?
WHO WOULD YOU HAVE IN YOUR ORGY? = Wales, Iceland, Tapex and Foodtown
WHAT IS THAT SHAKIRA ON ABOUT WITH HER BREASTS AND WHAT NOT? i honesty have such little idea myself that i can not even talk bollocks on the matter.
WHY IS EVERYONE ALWAYS BARING THEIR MIDRIFF? IS IT A DISEASE? as far as people with boobies go, clothes manufacturers are bitter shrewd little elves who make clothes only to properly fit the suitably unboobied so when anyone without a concave chest wears a top it goes up so the midriff is JUST THERE OK that is my excuse but then all those people with midriffs exposed and no boobs well they are diseased ok and so is britney spears.
WHICH IS BETTER FAMILY TIES, WHO'S THE BOSS OR GROWING PAINS (or whatever it is called) AND WHY? Melody Rules
WHAT'S IN YOUR BAG GUVNOR? i wrote you a whole e-mail about it ok
CAN A MULLET EVER BE SEXY? LIKE FOR EXAMPLE IF IT IS ON A FRENCH MAN? no no no no
WHAT ARE THE STROKES ALL ABOUT? WHY DOES EVERY CRAP PERSON LIKE THEM? because the NME told them to but fear not, now they will all be emo instead
AND FINALLY IF YOU WERE TOO BECOME LESBIAN ICE PRINCESS 2002 HOW WOULD YOU HELP THE WORLD? by translating Blumfeld lyrics for starving models
NAME? =Matthew Pimm
AGE 31
SEX Male
LOCATION Sunny Kidderminster
WHY ARE THERE ALWAYS SEAGULLS AT GRANVILLE BUS DEPOT? I dunno, perhaps it's something to do with bus depots. The depot in Kidderminster has the largest inland population of seagulls in the UK.
Hmmm perhaps seagulls are fed up of being stuck in long tailbacks in the sky and turn to public transport when they need to get about.
PICK THE MISSING WORD: THE MAJESTY OF ROCK THE ______________ OF ROLL: kebab
WHICH IS BETTER LOBSTERS OR PHONEBOXES AND WHY? Hmm both smell realy bad, one you can eat the other you can communicate through. One rocks the other does not. One is killed by boiling the other just stands there in mocking defiance. One had it's claws bound together with elastic bands the other it's windows smashed in.
Neither are better or worse, they both have a realy bad life and I don't want to compound that misery by choosing one over the other...
IF YOU WERE A LESBIAN POET IN LOVE WHAT KIND OF POEM WOULD YOU WRITE? A trilogy of love, hope and forever
HOW MANY WEETBIX DO YOU HAVE TO EAT TO BE A MASTER OF RUGBY? 1 packet.
WHAT ARE THE THREE BEST THINGS IN THE WORLD? Spring mornings
Music
Someone to make you feel wanted
WHO WOULD YOU HAVE IN YOUR ORGY? Linda Steelyard, Lauren Laverne, Sarah Nixey, Roddy Womble, Betty Boo,
WHAT IS THAT SHAKIRA ON ABOUT WITH HER BREASTS AND WHAT NOT? Shakira is pure evil...
WHY IS EVERYONE ALWAYS BARING THEIR MIDRIFF? IS IT A DISEASE? It shouldn't be allowed, people are so vain and want to show off thier tats and belly button piercings that have gone septic+rancid - yuck.
WHICH IS BETTER FAMILY TIES, WHO'S THE BOSS OR GROWING PAINS (or whatever it is called) AND WHY? Arrrrrggggggghhhhhhhhh help, get me out of here now! They are all shite sitcoms probably dreamt up by Shakira probably.
WHAT'S IN YOUR BAG GUVNOR? NME, some clothes, a cine camera + film
CAN A MULLET EVER BE SEXY? LIKE FOR EXAMPLE IF IT IS ON A FRENCH MAN? Never ever, ever, ever ,ever EVER
WHAT ARE THE STROKES ALL ABOUT? WHY DOES EVERY CRAP PERSON LIKE THEM? They are a namecheck band, something to make you appear cool. What they realy mean is that they bought the album, listened to it, didn't like it but pretend that it's like the best thing ever just cause it's the in thing to do.
AND FINALLY IF YOU WERE TOO BECOME LESBIAN ICE PRINCESS 2002 HOW WOULD YOU HELP THE WORLD? Get rid of all homophobic, racist, sexist and downright evil scum.
Make the Strokes disapear.
NAME? Kate�ina Evit�a Evakovich
AGE Well matured like vintage cheese
SEX Can you not tell by my enourmous breasts
LOCATION Eugene's Lair
WHY ARE THERE ALWAYS SEAGULLS AT GRANVILLE BUS DEPOT? They love the way you smell of Morrissey. Morrissey reminds them of the sea.
PICK THE MISSING WORD: THE MAJESTY OF ROCK THE ______________ OF ROLLMYSTERY
WHICH IS BETTER LOBSTERS OR PHONEBOXES AND WHY? A lopster, because you can still make a phone call on one if you re-wire it, but phoneboxes do not scuttle and get eaten.
IF YOU WERE A LESBIAN POET IN LOVE WHAT KIND OF POEM WOULD YOU WRITE?An anatomical poem all about cold cold corpses rowing in newspaper boats. It is a metaphor for the routine sadness felt in love.
HOW MANY WEETBIX DO YOU HAVE TO EAT TO BE A MASTER OF RUGBY? A champion-sized packet full, dry, and with bits of broken glass to show how masculine you are. If you want to go further than that to prove your manliness, you can chop your head off.
WHAT ARE THE THREE BEST THINGS IN THE WORLD? 1. The discovery of ice
2. My lovely horse
3. Thin dogs and fat robots performing a toe-tappin', finger-waggin' dance.
WHO WOULD YOU HAVE IN YOUR ORGY? The Sims, The Smiths, The Simpsons, Mr. Burns, katze, Black Books and Big Train as living humanoid representations of television programmes, a German, a leak, Lo-Slung Denim, the Euro, and a controversial display of cosmonauts.
WHO WOULD YOU HAVE IN YOUR ORGY? She thinks it is her way of communicating with crop circles, but you know what it doesn't work.
WHY IS EVERYONE ALWAYS BARING THEIR MIDRIFF? IS IT A DISEASE? Yes it is will they please stop it now. Especially 'toned' people. That is part of the disease. I could tell you the long name for it in Latin but that wouldn't be funny.
WHICH IS BETTER FAMILY TIES, WHO'S THE BOSS OR GROWING PAINS (or whatever it is called) AND WHY? Who's The Boss, because of my living in a secluded mountain of sex dwarfes, I have not seen any of them them. Who's The Boss sounds like a jolly gameshow though were people line up wearing masks of your boss and you have to guess which one really is your boss.
WHAT'S IN YOUR BAG GUVNOR?1000 lipsticks
CAN A MULLET EVER BE SEXY? LIKE FOR EXAMPLE IF IT IS ON A FRENCH MAN?France: out. Germany: in.
WHAT ARE THE STROKES ALL ABOUT? WHY DOES EVERY CRAP PERSON LIKE THEM?People think they are cool because they are black & white. Always. Like an art film that could easily afford to record in colour but is just too lo-fi chic to do that.
AND FINALLY IF YOU WERE TOO BECOME LESBIAN ICE PRINCESS 2002 HOW WOULD YOU HELP THE WORLD? I would lock up men, and get an angel to judge them. The ones that fail will tied to a hog for the next 20 years. I would also take over as queen, and invade Iceland and come back with a lot of music.
NAME? Q
AGE 20
SEX humans
LOCATION up yer ass with a bottel of ya finest
WHY ARE THERE ALWAYS SEAGULLS AT GRANVILLE BUS DEPOT? becuase granville airpost is the on;ly place seagles can keep there babies. As no humans see baby seagles they have to be housed in an anonimous place.
PICK THE MISSING WORD: THE MAJESTY OF ROCK THE ______________ OF ROLL kebab
WHICH IS BETTER LOBSTERS OR PHONEBOXES AND WHY? phone boxes becuase you can't have sex in a lobster.
IF YOU WERE A LESBIAN POET IN LOVE WHAT KIND OF POEM WOULD YOU WRITE? see see seagle town
segle where are you now?
which what when are you how?
aer you doggie now bow bow.
HOW MANY WEETBIX DO YOU HAVE TO EAT TO BE A MASTER OF RUGBY? 14
WHAT ARE THE THREE BEST THINGS IN THE WORLD? meat people
guns
drugs
maths
WHO WOULD YOU HAVE IN YOUR ORGY? fergus and alex
kylie
jesus
and the guy who hangs himself to get peoples attention.
WHAT IS THAT SHAKIRA ON ABOUT WITH HER BREASTS AND WHAT NOT? she is a lesbian ice dame hopeing to get the advance of ice princess.
She has breasts liek xena to camoflage her winky.
WHY IS EVERYONE ALWAYS BARING THEIR MIDRIFF? IS IT A DISEASE? yesh it is called driftwood
other evolutions if this disease of teeniana boperelli is TWP commanally known as tight white pants.
WHICH IS BETTER FAMILY TIES, WHO'S THE BOSS OR GROWING PAINS (or whatever it is called) AND WHY? who's the boss
tony danza and the theme are the best
family tyies was too lovery
and growing pains had de caprio in it.
WHAT'S IN YOUR BAG GUVNOR? bumjunk
CAN A MULLET EVER BE SEXY? LIKE FOR EXAMPLE IF IT IS ON A FRENCH MAN? yes when worn with skivvies called grant
WHAT ARE THE STROKES ALL ABOUT? WHY DOES EVERY CRAP PERSON LIKE THEM? no every crap person likes the simpsons
that is not to say it is bad program as either is the strokes
but yeh ok no.
AND FINALLY IF YOU WERE TOO BECOME LESBIAN ICE PRINCESS 2002 HOW WOULD YOU HELP THE WORLD? i would sex anything in a lobster,
breed driftwood and eat after midnight snaks.
NAME? Webber
AGE 17 and 11/12ths
SEX Yes please. OH ROFFLE! I have a doodle.
LOCATION H-Town negroes represent.
WHY ARE THERE ALWAYS SEAGULLS AT GRANVILLE BUS DEPOT? There are seagulls everywhere. They are made from garbage tips you know. That is true I read it in a book once.
PICK THE MISSING WORD: THE MAJESTY OF ROCK THE ______________ OF ROLL MYSTERY
WHICH IS BETTER LOBSTERS OR PHONEBOXES AND WHY? Hey geocities just put that question mark there automatically. What does that mean?! Do I have to performs some sort of bizarre geocities ritual? Oh you know they don't let you hotlink images it just comes up with a big red x. Geocities is evil.
IF YOU WERE A LESBIAN POET IN LOVE WHAT KIND OF POEM WOULD YOU WRITE? I think it would be a haiku. It would go "I am so in love/With this lesbian Jesus/Geocities sucks". I'm not sure if that works because I cannot count. But if I was a lesbian in love I'm sure it would be better.
HOW MANY WEETBIX DO YOU HAVE TO EAT TO BE A MASTER OF RUGBY? Byron can only do 4. AHAHAHAHAHA! Southern men can't handle their weetbix. Um I think I can only do 2 but that is without milk, and I am a master of nothing, so maybe 6?
WHAT ARE THE THREE BEST THINGS IN THE WORLD? 1. You
2. DJ Shadow
3. I am struggling... Cream eggs.
But definitely not HTML.
WHO WOULD YOU HAVE IN YOUR ORGY? I think the only people that wouldn't be in my orgy are all the wankers. Especially Bono, he needs a kick in the teeth.
And no Homers.
WHAT IS THAT SHAKIRA ON ABOUT WITH HER BREASTS AND WHAT NOT? Oh apparently she wrote an entire album using a spanish-english dictionary. So her breasts might actually be singing about how much they love Belle and Sebastian. You just never know.
WHY IS EVERYONE ALWAYS BARING THEIR MIDRIFF? IS IT A DISEASE? Yes, and I am the vaccination. That comes from the ghetto.
WHICH IS BETTER FAMILY TIES, WHO'S THE BOSS OR GROWING PAINS (or whatever it is called) AND WHY? I liked the one with the guy that does the voice overs as an adult... The Wonder Years.
WHAT'S IN YOUR BAG GUVNOR? That would ruin the mystery, wouldn't it
CAN A MULLET EVER BE SEXY? LIKE FOR EXAMPLE IF IT IS ON A FRENCH MAN? Julia Deans had a mullet. She is hot.
WHAT ARE THE STROKES ALL ABOUT? WHY DOES EVERY CRAP PERSON LIKE THEM? I DON'T KNOW! But when you get the answer, can you let me know? I'd also like to know why Telecom are evil and why americans cannot spell.
AND FINALLY IF YOU WERE TOO BECOME LESBIAN ICE PRINCESS 2002 HOW WOULD YOU HELP THE WORLD? I would correct your misspellings. Ahaha, no I wouldn't do that because that would be evil and not princessly at all. Oh I asked alex for help but she didn't give me any. Can I enter this again?
NAME Tom
AGE 22
SEX male
LOCATION barcelona
WHY ARE THERE ALWAYS SEAGULLS AT GRANVILLE BUS DEPOT? it first happened in 1947 when Steve Austin's grandfather lost his pet mating pair of top quality Guls near the bus station, and then they were made protected, so he couldn't snare them and put them back in his attic.
PICK THE MISSING WORD: THE MAJESTY OF ROCK THE ______________ OF ROLL spasm
WHICH IS BETTER LOBSTERS OR PHONEBOXES AND WHY? lobsters, because they are nutritious in a way phoneboxes never could be
IF YOU WERE A LESBIAN POET IN LOVE WHAT KIND OF POEM WOULD YOU WRITE? I would write something that clearly alluded to the grotesque lesbian things i enjoy doing, but alway veered away from graphic detail, ostensibly to preserve dignity and beauty in the verse, but really to frustrate all those teenage boys
HOW MANY WEETBIX DO YOU HAVE TO EAT TO BE A MASTER OF RUGBY? from January 1997, it has been 7.2 standard UK weetabix, 9.0 standard australian and 9.2 standard south african. any other blend is permitted, but only with prior inspection from: The Rugby Football Union, Twickenham, London.
WHAT ARE THE THREE BEST THINGS IN THE WORLD? lesbians (who crave cock), living somewhere cool like i do, having only pretentious books on your shelves... and having read them all
WHO WOULD YOU HAVE IN YOUR ORGY? Shakira
WHAT IS THAT SHAKIRA ON ABOUT WITH HER BREASTS AND WHAT NOT? well she's glad they are small so i don't confuse them with mountains. it's pretty simple.
WHY IS EVERYONE ALWAYS BARING THEIR MIDRIFF? IS IT A DISEASE? because they drink their morning coffee too hot and they need to get the heat out otherwise their urethras would burn later that afternoon when they piss in the sea
WHICH IS BETTER FAMILY TIES, WHO'S THE BOSS OR GROWING PAINS (or whatever it is called) AND WHY? doogie howser, MD
WHAT'S IN YOUR BAG GUVNOR? cd's: the strokes, duran duran, rachmaninoff, roayl trux, pacha, oh! brother. book: the general in his labrynth (gabriel garcia marquez), jumper (just in case), bottle of water, leaflet, pen and notebook.
CAN A MULLET EVER BE SEXY? LIKE FOR EXAMPLE IF IT IS ON A FRENCH MAN? yes - especially on an overweight man with curly hair who works at fremantle railway station
WHAT ARE THE STROKES ALL ABOUT? WHY DOES EVERY CRAP PERSON LIKE THEM? cos they're good, silly head.
AND FINALLY IF YOU WERE TOO BECOME LESBIAN ICE PRINCESS 2002 HOW WOULD YOU HELP THE WORLD? i'd open up and let the world share my nectar.