********************
In the wilderness, somewhere
Legolas is standing near some trees, talking with the squirrels. He turns to the rest of the Fellowship, who try valiantly not to laugh when they see the squirrel perched on the elf's head. Needless to say, they fail miserably.
Legolas (spreading his arms out): "I'm king of the squirrels!"
The rest of the Fellowship just looks at him puzzled.
* * *
In Rivendell
Elrond walks into the room that Aragorn is staying in, freezing in the doorway when he sees...
Aragorn (singing): "It's Satan and the schoolgirl..."
Elrond glances from his foster son to the blond archer wearing the all too familiar skirt and pigtails ensemble.
Elrond (in horror): "Thou hast made me unable to blink!"
* * *
In the Shire
Merry and Pippin have just run into Sam and Frodo and are running from Farmer Maggot.
Frodo: "What have you two been up to this time?"
Pippin (out of breath from running): "Well, there were the cabbages, the carrots, and the potatos. And then we had a spot of fun with the farmer's daughter."
Merry: "Which is why the farmer's daughter's father is after us right now."
Sam: "That would make him the farmer, right?"
* * *
In Isengard
Saruman (looking over his army of Uruk-Hai): "They will look at these Uruk-Hai and say, 'I can't believe it's not butter!'" (pauses) "Wait, that's not right..."
* * *
In the Council of Elrond
Boromir: "And what would a mere Ranger know of these matters?"
Aragorn (growling): "Growl."
Boromir (pointing to the floor in front of him wearing an unholy smile): "Bark, baby, bark!"
Aragorn, for some really strange reason, drops to his knees and does so.
Boromir ignores the shocked looks from the other members of the council and stalks over to the kneeling Aragorn. He grabs the other man by the collar and shakes him.
Boromir: "Bad boy, Ranger. Bad boy."
Elrond: "Does anybody else get turned on by the thought of Boromir grabbing you be the scruff of the neck and saying 'bad boy?'" (pauses and looks around the utterly silent room) "What? I was talking in my sleep."
Legolas: "You always talk in your sleep." He then realizes what he has said and clamps a hand over his mouth.
* * *
In Lothlorien
Haldir is walking along when he sees a brochure in one of those brochure thingys.
Haldir: "Oh, Satan's teaching a Tae-bo class." (pauses) "Wait, this picture looks like Aragorn..."
* * *
In the wilderness
Legolas (once again wearing his skirt and pigtails, is now dancing around the clearing and singing): "Who's the slightly effeminate one? That's me, that's me."
Gandalf (smirking): "Slightly??"
* * *
At a random awards show
Orli walks on stage to accept some random award, which he so desperately deserves. *g*
Orli: "You tolerate me, you really, really tolerate me!" (laughing) "No, seriously. I'd like to thank..." (holds his statue up to his ear and cocks his head) "What? Satan is my master?"
All eyes turn to Viggo who is sitting in his seat, smirking.
Viggo: "Hehehehehe..."
* * *
In the wilderness, once again
The Fellowship is sitting around the fire, getting all nice and cozy.
Sam (glancing over at Aragorn): "Tell us of your travels, Master Ranger."
Frodo voiceover: "That's when he did something totally unexpected, something so crazy and wild that it took us totally by surprise. Even though it was kinda funny, it was still really weird."
Aragorn then proceeds to get up and do an interpretive dance of his life's story.
* * *
In the Council of Elrond
Aragorn comes rushing in late and drops into his chair.
Legolas (standing up and speaking in a sing-song voice, rather loudly): "Satan's in the house; it's a party, hey!" (looks around before sitting back down in his seat blushing) "Sorry."
* * *
As the Fellowship is leaving Rivendell
Elrond (glaring at Legolas): "Remember, to thine own elf be true."
Aragorn (looking at Legolas with a puzzled expression): "What did he mean by that?"
Legolas (blushing): "Um, well..." (whispering in Aragorn's ear)
Aragorn (yelling in utter shock): "What do you mean, Haldir?!"
* * *
In the Council of Elrond (yes, again)
Legolas bursts into the council, wearing a Girl Scout uniform and carrying boxes of cookies under his arm. He drops the cookies on the table where Frodo was going to put the ring and smiles brightly at the stunned council.
Legolas: "Who wants to buy some cookies?"
Everyone just sits and stares at the elf in utter and horrified silence.
Legolas (voice suddenly deepening and turning rather demonic sounding): "Doesn't anybody want any cookies?"
Gimli: "You're not the first Girl Scout I've seen possessed by the devil."
Boromir (smirking): "No, those are just girls you paid to pretend they were Girl Scouts."
Gimli (sputtering indignantly): "Well, I... well."
* * *
In Lothlorien
Galadriel (having just seen Frodo for the first time): "Oh, how cute!"
Frodo (sighs): "That may be so, but..." (puts hands on hips) "when I put on leather pants I am a macho man."
Galadriel (backing up slightly): "Right..."
* * *
In the wilderness (bet you didn't see that one coming)
The Fellowship is once again sitting by the fire, telling stories about their families.
Merry: "And that's what most Brandybuck reunions are like."
Boromir (laughing): "That truly is amusing, little one. However, our family reunions are much more lively. After all, it's not a family reunion 'til my uncle drops his pants."
The rest of the Fellowship laughs, but Boromir's words send Aragorn into a disturbing flashback...
* * *
*flashback*
A long time ago, in Rivendell
Elrond wakes up on his back in the middle of the floor with no idea how he got there. He glances down and almost shrieks when he sees that his pants are gone and have been replaced with a short, pleated skirt. He jumps to his feet, looking for anything else to wear, but comes up empty handed. He has finally decided to put the nearby lampshade on his head and make a mad dash for his chambers when the doors open to reveal and young Estel.
Estel (freezing in the doorway and staring at his foster father): "What are you doing?"
Elrond (finally snapping, he begins to sing and spin in a circle in the middle of the room): "I don't even know where I put my pants, so I'll just wear a lampshade and run around and dance."
Estel stands frozen for another moment before turning tail and running out of the room, shrieking rather like a girl.
* * *
There is no answer chapter for this one since all the quotes came from Whose Line. *g*
On to Chapter Seventeen: Once More, With Feeling