*******************
At the Council of Elrond
Elrond (all proud of himself): "You shall be the Fellowship of the Ring." (suddenly muttering under his breath, but still loud enough to be heard) "But the Fellowship doesn't mean a thing, like when I say 'I love you' when I'm drunk."
Legolas (in shock): "No!!" (suddenly realizes what he has said and clamps a hand over his mouth)
* * *
In the wilderness, somewhere
Having heard of the wonderful hearing ability of elves, Merry and Pippin decide to test it with their elven companion.
Merry (skipping a few feet into the trees): "Hey, Legolas! Can you hear me now?"
Legolas (flatly): "Yes."
Merry: "Good."
Pippin (skipping further into the trees): "Hey, Legolas! Can you hear me now?"
Legolas (becoming somewhat testy): "Yes."
Pippin: "Good."
Merry (skipping even further afield): "Hey, Legolas! Can you hear..."
Legolas notches an arrow.
* * *
In Lothlorien
Haldir and his brother Rumil are sitting against one of the trees when Legolas walks by.
Rumil: "Well, I think that was the cutest boy ever."
Haldir (tossing his hair): "Yeah, if I wasn't the second cutest."
Rumil: confused, blinky face
* * *
At the Council of Elrond
Legolas (after recognizing Elrond from his last trip to Mirkwood): "Hey, Elrond. I remember when you left Mirkwood, you had hair."
Elrond (with the go-to-hell-of-Rivendell glare): "Yeah, what do you mean by that, stick boy?"
* * *
In Rivendell
Aragorn: "Arwen, honey, would this be a bad time to talk about the laundry? You're putting way too much starch in my tights."
Arwen (slowly backing away with an eyebrow arched): "Uh, huh. Right."
* * *
In Moria, after Gandalf has fallen into shadow
Gimli: "If we had just gone with my plan, then I would be on that bridge naked right now and we would have our dignity back."
Legolas (pulling the dwarf aside): "Gimli, I'm gonna tell you this cause you're my boy. Nobody is ever going to want to see you naked."
Gimli (heartbroken): "Not even when I'm married?"
Legolas (shouting): "Never!"
* * *
In Rivendell
Arwen (pulling Legolas aside and whispering in his ear): "I didn't want to say this in front of Aragorn, but those braids make you look like a girl."
Legolas (hopefully, with wide eyes): "Am I a pretty girl?"
* * *
still in Rivendell
Legolas stalks into the Council after Arwen has cut his hair up to his collar.
Aragorn (smirking): "Nice hair, Leggy."
Legolas (crossing his arms): "Oh, this is real convincing. I'm a walking punch line."
* * *
In the wilderness
Legolas stalks into the camp, a towel around his waist and his (normal length) hair dripping wet.
Legolas (pointing at Boromir): "I caught him at the river lifting up a branch and looking at me!"
Boromir (frantically): "I didn't see anything! I didn't see anything!"
Legolas: "Yeah, right." (stomping back towards the river to finish his bath)
Boromir (waiting until Legolas is out of hearing range, then smirking): "I saw everything."
* * *
In Moria, after Gandalf has fallen into shadow
Frodo (looking all scared and adorable): "Are any of us safe from the Balrog?"
Legolas: "Virgins! Virgins are always safe!"
Aragorn (glancing at the ceiling and smiling): "Thanks for saving me, Arwen."
Merry (sounding rather proud of himself): "I'm dead."
Boromir (sounding bored): "I'm dead."
Legolas: "I'll get as sick as you can get without actually dying."
Pippin (pointing towards the bridge): "But Gandalf died!"
Boromir, Aragorn and Legolas all look at each other for a moment.
All three (sing-songy): "Go, Gandalf! Go, Gandalf! Go, go, go Gandalf!"
* * *
On to the answers