Boromir reached for the Horn, his hand freezing in mid-motion as maniacal laughter once again filled the air from behind him.
Boromir (slapping a hand to his forehead): "Oh, no. Not again."
He slowly turns around and comes face to face with... Merry. (Okay, so maybe not actually face to face, but you know what we mean. *g*) But the Hobbit is now sporting a very familiar, and frightening, cartoon-bad-guy-like black goatee, complete with curly mustache. Before Boromir has a chance to react, a tomato splats on his forehead and begins to drip into his eyes.
Boromir (very, very irate. Wouldn't you be?): "Oh, well that's nice. Thank you, thank you."
He then proceeds to spit tomato seeds out of his mouth. Another tomato then sails by and hits Frodo in the face as well. He gets the big-eyed-sad-and-lonely face, but it is cut short as he and the rest of the Fellowship run away in an attempt to get out of tomato range.
Legolas (sitting again in his tree): "It just had to be tomatos, didn't it? I'm allergic to tomatos! This is just not fair."
After a good deal more tomatos fly, sometimes striking their target, sometimes not, an eerie silence falls over the wilderness...
Aragorn (whispering): "It's *way* to quiet. Where did that bloody Hobbit get to?"
After a few moments, the silence is shattered by a sudden, yet far away, 'moo!'. Yes, that's right, 'moo!'. The Fellowship looks around, bewildered.
Sam: "Now what do you suppose that was?"
Aragorn: "I have a pretty good guess..."
Frodo: "So, what do we do, Strider?"
Legolas (still in his tree): "Please don't say what I think you're going to."
Aragorn: "We go look."
Legolas (sighing as he drops from the tree): "That's what I was afraid you were going to say."
The eight members of the Fellowship carefully pick their way through the trees, on alert for the still-missing Merry. They fan out as they entered a clearing, everyone's eyes fixed on the Hobbit sitting on the grass.
Merry (holding an inflated rubber glove in one hand and pulling on one of the fingers with the other): "Moo."
The others all stare at Merry for a moment before turning to look at a bewildered Aragorn.
Pippin: "How did you figure out he was doing this?"
Aragorn (looking wide eyed and desperate): "What are you talking about, Pippin? I never said anything like that."
Pippin: "Yes, you did. You said..."
Aragorn reaches for the Hobbit and clamps a hand over his mouth so that only loud muffles can escape. He glances up at the others innocently.
Aragorn: "What?"
An answer does not come as more tomatos suddenly fill the air. One smacks Aragorn in the back of the head, forcing him to drop Pippin.
Pippin (suddenly able to speak again): "But you said..."
A tomato flies into the Hobbit's mouth, acting as an Insta-gag. Muffled curses can be heard from his general direction, but no one is paying attention. Instead, they are running in utter, and strangely choreographed, panic from the raining tomatos. Unfortunately, it is to no avail.
One tomato strikes Sam in the chest, causing the Hobbit to land on his bum. Another lands on Frodo's head, dripping tomato paste into his hair and eyes. Legolas jumps into a nearby tree in an attempt to avoid the tomatos, but it's too late for the blond elf. A particularly squishy tomato smacks the back of the elf's head and dribbles down his back under his shirt.
Legolas (falling from the tree and spinning around in circles while trying to tear his shirt off *THUD*): "Get it off me, get it off me!"
The blond elf finally managed to remove the offending shirt and began to look frantically around for anything to wipe the sticky tomato paste off of his back. His eyes lit up when he noticed Aragorn's water bottle. While one hand held his hair away from his back the other reached for the water bottle and tried to pour the contents over his back. To his chagrin, the bottle was empty.
Legolas (shrieking in horror): "No! What am I gonna do? What am I gonna do?" (sinking to the ground in despair) "I'm gonna die; that's it for me." *OK, we know this isn't 'Quotes That Aren't' but we just couldn't help ourselves*
Boromir (striding over to the panicking elf, gripping his shoulders and shaking him): "Pull yourself together. Now, just how allergic are you anyway?"
Legolas (now somewhat calmer and looking at the ground): "Um, well... tomatos make me itchy. Really itchy."
Boromir: "How itchy?"
The elf doesn't answer. Instead, his eyes widen and he twists around to look at his back where the tomato paste is now making its way into his pants. His shoulders hunch as small, red dots begin to break out over his bare back. He pulls away from Boromir and looks frantically around for a tree to scratch his back on.
The Fellowship turns to look at the itchy elf, but then their attention is caught by Merry dashing through the clearing pulling on his rubber glove and mooing. The Hobbit pulls to a stop to stare at the frantically scratching elf and breaks into peals of maniacal laughter. After a moment, he dashes back into the trees, the rest of the Fellowship staring after him silently.
Legolas (pouting, but still scratching): "It's not funny."
The rest of the Fellowship, minus Merry, looks at each other, trying not to break out laughing at the elf's plight. They are incredibly unsuccessful.
Legolas (still pouting and scratching): "Well, it's not."
The elf's eyes widen and he drops to the ground, still trying to scratch his back on the tree. He then begins to wiggle around awkwardly.
Aragorn (cocking an eyebrow): "Uh, what are you doing?"
Legolas (blushing): "It itches, Aragorn."
Aragorn: "What itches, Legolas?"
Legolas (still blushing): "Um, well... Ack!"
The blond elf suddenly turns around and begins to drag himself along the ground on his bum. The other members of the Fellowship begin to snicker uncontrollably.
Boromir (wiping away tears of laughter): "Why don't you just scratch it, elf? It would be a lot easier on you."
Legolas pulls himself closer to the Steward until he is nearly sitting on Boromir's feet. He glares up at the man, straightening as much as he can and still be sitting on the ground.
Legolas (sounding very haughty): "I have too much dignity for that, thank you very much."
The blond elf begins to pull himself away, stopping when he runs into someone. He looks over his shoulder and flinches when he sees Merry standing over him, a particularly squishy tomato in his hand. Legolas lowers his head in defeat, barely grunting when the tomato smacks into the back of his head. The Hobbit begins to laugh maniacally but just as quickly falls silent, the cartoon-bad-guy-like goatee gone as if it has never been there.
Merry (looking very apologetic): "I'm so sorry, master elf. Here, let me get you a handkerchief."
The Hobbit holds out a clean, white handkerchief to the tomato-covered elf. Legolas reaches up to take it, but before he can grab it he hears something behind him that makes his blood run cold.
"Mwahahahaha!"
TBC
On to Chapter Three