Merry (looking very apologetic): "I'm so sorry, master elf. Here, let me get you a handkerchief."
The Hobbit holds out a clean, white handkerchief to the tomato-covered elf. Legolas reaches up to take it, but before he can grab it he hears something behind him that makes his blood run cold.
"Mwahahahaha!"
Legolas (flinching and refusing to turn and look): "By the Valar, what is it now?"
After a moment of tense silence, the elf finally glances behind him and sees... nothing. He slowly pulls himself to his feet, and taking the handkerchief from Merry, begins to look for whoever had gone bad this time. His search is short as before he has gone more than a few feet a stream of icy water hits him in the face. Legolas sighs as he tucks his now-drenched hair behind his ears and wipes the water from his face. A quick glance through the trees is all the archer needs to find the culprit.
Legolas: "Boromir, while I appreciate getting the tomato off, would you please not do that anymore?"
The only answer the elf got was a thin stream of chocolate sauce that struck him right between the eyes.
Legolas (sighing): "I don't know why I even bother."
The blond elf is still standing there with chocolate oozing down the side of his nose when Aragorn bursts into the clearing. The Ranger stares at Legolas for a moment in silence before cocking an eyebrow and walking towards him. He slides one finger through the chocolate on the elf's face and then licks the chocolate off of said finger.
Aragorn (thoughtfully): "Hmm, Hershey's." (shouting) "Good choice, Boromir."
The words have barely left the Ranger's mouth when a steady stream of caramel spats his chest. He glances down at his now-stained tunic, then back up at the trees where the Steward is hiding. He opens his mouth to speak, and a blob of whip cream lands on his head.
Aragorn (glaring): "What is this, a Fellowship sundae!?"
A single cherry suddenly appears and smacks the Ranger in the nose. Merry pokes his head around from the tree he has been hiding behind.
Merry: "Guess that answers your question."
The Hobbit's eyes widen as Boromir suddenly appears out of the mist, a manic grin on his face. Merry tries to duck back behind his tree, but he doesn't quite make it. Instead, another stream of chocolate spurts from the Steward's bright yellow SuperSoaker and covers the Hobbit's curly hair before beginning to drip in Merry's eyes.
Boromir cackles as he lets the SuperSoaker hang from its shoulder strap. He pulls a pair of smaller water guns from the waistband of his pants and aims them, one at Aragorn and the other at Legolas. Just as he is about to fire, his attention is caught by the arrival of Frodo and Sam in the clearing. The Steward's grin widens as he whirls to face the still-clean Hobbits. Before either of them can turn and run, they are both hit with identical streams of strawberry jam.
Frodo (looking all sad and lonely as he glances down at his stained shirt): "Why did you do that, Boromir? I thought that you were only after the Ring, but instead you want to cover us poor Hobbits with strawberry jam. How could you?" He then bursts into tears, crying on Sam's now-sticky shoulder.
Boromir drops the now-empty guns to the forest floor, ignoring the glare that Sam flashes him and turns to look for the last three clean members of the Fellowship. He doesn't have to look far as Pippin suddenly rushes into the clearing, skidding to a halt when he sees the currently evil Boromir. The young Hobbit turns to flee, making it nearly back to the trees before the Steward raises yet another water gun and lets loose, this time with Boysenberry pancake syrup which strikes Pippin in the back.
Pippin (reaching back to see what he's been hit with): "What's this now? It's tasty, I'll give you that, but why'd ya hit me with it?"
The Steward just laughs as he stalks past Pippin, hunting for his last two victims. He moves stealthily through the trees, trying to catch a glimpse of either the dwarf or the wizard, but having no luck. He stops short when he notices a nearby stump vibrating. Boromir quietly approaches the stump and kicks it over to reveal a terrified Gimli.
Gimli (opening one eye and glancing up in horror): "Aaahh! Um, this isn't what it looks like. Would you believe you got me already?"
The dwarf's only answer came as a thick stream of marshmallow cream all in his beard. Boromir cackles at the now very messy dwarf and skips, yes he skips, off to find Gandalf.
The Steward continues skipping through the trees. All he can see are enormous amounts of Spanish hanging moss. He has almost made a complete circle back to where the rest of the syrup-covered Fellowship is sitting when he hears the sneeze of all sneezes. Just then, Gandalf falls from his hiding place, hanging by his knees on a branch covered in said moss, on to Boromir's back.
Boromir flings the startled Istari off of his back, reaches for his reserve SuperSoaker in his waistband at the small of his back and lets loose with a stream of... orange juice? The sticky orange liquid heads straight for Gandalf's beard, turning the grey hair a sickly shade of orange. The Istari reaches beside him for his staff, an angry scowl on his face. Boromir takes the hint and flees, disappearing quickly into the trees.
An hour passes with no sign of the evil Steward. The Fellowship, having finally decided that Boromir is gone for good, is currently in the river trying to wash off the various sticky substances. Their now clean clothing is sitting on a nearby rock to dry. They are so relieved to finally be getting clean that they never notice the cloaked figure sneaking up and stealing their pants.
Legolas (finally looking up and noticing the thief): "Hey! Those are my leggings! Give them back!"
The Fellowship hears the all too familiar cackle of the Steward as he slowly backs away, pants clutched tightly to his chest. Aragorn has finally had enough and starts to stride out of the water. Frodo quickly grabs his arm and pulls him back.
Frodo: "You can't, Strider! You're not wearing any pants!"
Aragorn (crossing his arms and glaring at Boromir): "So? Heir of Isildur has no pants. Fine! Heir of Isildur needs no pants!"
Aragorn shakes his arm free of the Hobbit's grasp and stalks toward Boromir. As he leaves the water the Fellowship begins to point and laugh at Aragorn's neon green boxers. He ignores them, advancing on the retreating Boromir. He only stops when he has Boromir backed up against a tree. As he reaches threateningly for his pants, the evil goatee vanishes leaving Boromir his naturally sweet self. *no, really. It does!*
Boromir (blushing and trying not to look down at Aragorn's boxers): "Um... oops. Sorry about that. I'm all better now, though. Really!"
Aragorn arches an eyebrow, but before he can say anything the air is filled with the sound of maniacal laughter. Bet you didn't see that coming, did ya?
"Mwahahahahaha!"
TBC